Post by Cecania on Aug 31, 2014 10:15:02 GMT -5
A sudden jerk and cry caught halfway up her throat threw the sweat soaked woman from the last, tenacious hold the nightmare had on her mind. Chest heaving beneath satin that clung against her fair skin- marred by time, battle, and the stretchmarks that would never fade beyond a faint series of lines against her breasts, thighs, and hips- Cecania's hand trembled visibly as it rose, sliding against her clammy skin to cover her eyes. Her teeth sank into her bottom lip, feeling the surge of panic sting with pins and needles beneath the surface of her skin, setting her nerves on high alert, and her poor heart about to thrive its way into the cool air that filled the room.
Over and over again, that same nightmare always came back to haunt her with that mocking laugh, the taunting of that damned devil in a woman's shape who'd simply stood there, allowed herself to be tied to the eyes and set ablaze just to let the knife twist deeper, deeper into Haruki's heart.
All for a purpose she still hadn't figured out fifteen years later.
Sometimes she was there beneath the shadow of a blood colored moon and a night without a single star in the sky. Small, fragile, helpless the way she'd been in that awkward stage between becoming a "true" young woman, and still being a gangly, long legged pre-adolescent, she watched again and again and again and again as her her in-laws were slaughtered without mercy, with laughter and that voice mocking their each and every accomplishment, the family's pride and joy that was their son, and the implications that she would not only raise the family to better status- but that she would ruin them all at the same time.
Put to shame their name and everything they had fought so hard for.
One would think that nearly twenty years later, I would be better about this. She tried to give herself the same steel edged tone of disdain that her mother would have used had she been there to see her in such a state. Disgraceful to the von Galen, disgraceful to the great Tsutsugami name, this was not what she was supposed to be.
There could be no room for weakness, for chinks and chips and cracks within the tempered steel that was her body, mind, and soul. She had thrown her heart into the flames to forge herself anew, to become the living weapon that her husband and their children, their family, needed her to be.
She was the sword and shield of the Tsutsugami Daimyo.
Her head turned, hand sliding up past her darkened hairline to find him still sleeping, back not turned away from her in the depths of deep, deep slumber. The lines against his mouth, eyes, and brow were faded in the late hour, and she reached for him with shaking fingers to make sure he wouldn't crumble to ashes like so many had in the too recent past. That he wouldn't suddenly divide into so many chunks of barely identifiable meat with naught but the crest, his hair, and his weapon beside his body to remember him by the way his parents had been left behind.
The tips of her fingers barely grazed the corner of his mouth, where the traces of those hard lines almost always present would be when his brow furrowed, his breathing changing ever so slightly as the Tsutsugami family head showed signs of stirring.
Her breath caught in her throat, jewel-like eyes too large for her fair features watching in mingled fear- Don't wake up. Not right now. Not like this, don't wake up when I'm like this,- and the kind of hope she hadn't allowed herself to feel for years now- if you do, do it now. I need you. I don't think I can do this by myself anymore. all because of one damn woman and the amount of damage she'd managed to do that spanned two continents and then some besides.
But, it wasn't just that woman.
It was her own fault too, for not being strong enough, for not having the strength to barge straight in there the way she had at sixteen and all but demanded he give her an hour of his time like she should have. Together, they might have been able to ward her off, to find a way that would have spared them all of this.
But, what about Koyuki and Maiko?
Without that woman, those two precious children never would have existed.
Another reason she was a disgrace to the families born and wed into; sentiments. Such things weren't needed, weren't necessary when it came to being the perfect weapon and armor for that of the family. Haruki could be the one to guide them, to give them the doting affection and strong, guiding hand when they needed it while she took care of everything risky in the physical and spiritual sense.
It was what she was meant to be, wasn't it?
Wasn't it?
His brow furrowed further and he shifted as if he were to rise further from slumber. Please, she didn't know what she was begging him for now with large, frightened eyes that would have been more at home on little Natsuki's face than a grown woman's. She wanted something, anything-
A soft, discontented sound as he adjusted himself appropriately and turned to settle into a more comfortable position- away from her touch as if she were the source of all the discontentment and malaise in the sphere he considered his world.
Not far from the truth, in a manner of speaking, but a large part of her still cried out inside with the voice of a lost, aggrieved child in mourning for something she'd watched slip free from her grasp and couldn't get back.
She forced the lump down and dropped her hand to caress the long violet locks. The trailing stands slipped softly through her pale, trembling fingers as she brought a lock to her lips and kissed it gently. The scent of his shampoo was comforting, familiar, and it brought the sting of tears closer to the surface.
She needed to leave.
Needed to get up now that she knew he was alive- his face had been the same warm-yet-cool-from-exposure-to-air as usual, and he was breathing and there wasn't blood and gore everywhere. Her feet slid from the bed, to the floor with a barely audible thump that had her freezing, rounded shoulders hunched up about her ears as she waited with bated breath to see if he would wake the way he had so often.
Again, she heard her thoughts pleading, begging him to wake- don't do that- and nothing but the sound of his breathing filled her ears. No voice half-garbled and raspy from slumber, no grumpy tone or shift of body against sheets to greet her and demand to know where she was going or what she was doing so that she could tell him she was going to do... something.
The kids.
Her head jerked up, body immediately flinging itself from the confines of her sheets in panicked haste. Her robe, a long, black thing with just enough thickness to the fabric to keep it from being indecent in morning light while being light enough to keep her cool in the humid summers that Tokyo was so famous for. The sash was tied with quick, jerking motions filled with shaking impatience and anxiety as she all but rushed out of the bedroom and threw herself down the hall toward the first bedroom in the family's private quarters.
Needed to see her children.
They had to be okay.
If not her, or Haruki, they might have gone after the children.
Bloody foolish little- what makes you think they wouldn't take the children first? The thought lent more adrenaline to her poor body, shot through her veins like liquid fire as she whipped around the corner with eyes distant, unfocused until she reached the first bedroom- Maiko and Koyuki's. The door was cracked, the soft white-golden glow of a reading lamp illuminating the room from within as she peered into the girls' room with anxious hope.
Tarot cards, thick, heavy books and bits of odds and ends littered Koyuki's desk along side her proper school books, all of which cracked open and a half-completed assignment written in the girl's meticulous handwriting. Slumped over her desk with long, dark hair spilling over her shoulders to lay in inky tendrils against her cheek, the young teen's eyes were closed and lips parted softly in sleep as her chest rose and fell in slow, even measures.
Leaning further in, Maiko's pale hair lay against her face as well, curled up as she was against her blankets with a face much like her sister's in slumber. The resemblance between them could be uncanny on occasion, though she believed the younger twin more favored the visage of her grandmother in comparison to Koyuki's admittedly concerning take after the woman who gave birth to her.
But, unlike Yuzuki, Koyuki displayed little to no sign of actual ill intent other than being eternally exasperated with a younger brother who was too young to properly beat on without good excuse, and was far too old to be getting away with letting loose and popping him the way she knew he deserved.
She slipped in, startled as Beni rose from her position standing guard. The odd... familiar, the closest thing she could think of to calling what this was that Koyuki ordered about as freely as Haruki did Izanami, regarded her without eyes and its eerie appearance before bowing deeply, courteously, and allowing her to do what she would.
And she did.
Gently touching the girls' faces, reaching up and smoothing away the stray strands of hair from their faces the way she had since they had been so very little, their warmth, their living energy did much to soothe the pain within her. She leaned down, kissed Maiko's forehead and tucked her in a little better than she had been before.
Beni aided her in getting Koyuki into her bed proper, she'd have to let the studious little one know that she was to be in her bed or she'd start imposing a bed time again and enforce it the way she knew how to. She smoothed the girl's dark hair away from her face and kissed her forehead too, tucking her in the way she had ever since the girl had been old enough to pass out across the floor, sprawled over a book far too advanced for her, but determined to wrestle her way through it anyways.
Taiki's room was next, and she shut his window, locking it with a soft click so that her heart could remain at least somewhat at ease. He was asleep with the little pout he'd always had on his lips since he was an infant. Her beautiful, beautiful son. She had so many hopes for him, so many dreams of the future that would come to pass as her pride and joy if he could just... lose a little of that rebellious, headstrong nature.
Her lips met his forehead, her hand stroking his hair and smoothing it back as she tucked him in. She caught sight of the Mekkakyu and shook her head, smiling with more effort than it should have taken as she gently tucked it beneath his hand, and thus beneath his pillow, where it should have been to begin with when he went to bed.
Alive. Dreaming.
Natsuki was safe in her room as well, sprawled about with limbs askance every which way and in a manner that didn't at all look comfortable. Her head flopped to one side, mouth wide open as her little chest rose and fell with every breath. Soft, pale hair strewn about in silky tangles much like her father's own in a few shades lighter than even her uncle's own- though nowhere as pale as Maiko's own lilac colored locks.
With the kind of care and patience only a parent could muster, the pink haired Quincy carefully rearranged her child's limbs and slipped her back into proper sleeping positions in her bed. Blanket pulled up, favorite stuffed toy nestled lovingly in the crook of her arm, Cecania leaned down and gently kissed the pink, chubby cheeks of her youngest and slipped out the door with a sigh of relief as she slipped further down the family's private quarters.
Not done yet.
Never.
They must all be accounted for, all of them.
Kouta was asleep until she peered in, she knew the man detected her by the way his breathing changed and murmured a soft 'all is well' with the not-lie-not-yet-truth disguising the surge of relief in her voice and the internal whip that drove her ever onward. Her brother in law was safe.
Mayu was safe.
Markus too, was there, though she frowned a little at the young man's lack of proper sleep schedule at the young age of seventeen with a room full of monitors and machines making sounds that would have stressed her out with their noise. Good child, that one, she rather hoped that Taiki would start modeling himself after his eldest cousin.
Sakina was asleep with her cats, she smiled as she watched two sets of blinking eyes regard her with the patient kind of judgment that only felines could provide before they rested their heads back down and returned to their much more important slumber. One did not have time for odd mistresses of the household at unholy hours, after all. Good, she thought as she watched the young woman's sides rise and fall with the steadfast nature of one who slept deeply, all was well with the immediate family of the Tsutsugami household.
All, that was, except for herself.
“Okugata-sama?”
--
Over and over again, that same nightmare always came back to haunt her with that mocking laugh, the taunting of that damned devil in a woman's shape who'd simply stood there, allowed herself to be tied to the eyes and set ablaze just to let the knife twist deeper, deeper into Haruki's heart.
All for a purpose she still hadn't figured out fifteen years later.
Sometimes she was there beneath the shadow of a blood colored moon and a night without a single star in the sky. Small, fragile, helpless the way she'd been in that awkward stage between becoming a "true" young woman, and still being a gangly, long legged pre-adolescent, she watched again and again and again and again as her her in-laws were slaughtered without mercy, with laughter and that voice mocking their each and every accomplishment, the family's pride and joy that was their son, and the implications that she would not only raise the family to better status- but that she would ruin them all at the same time.
Put to shame their name and everything they had fought so hard for.
One would think that nearly twenty years later, I would be better about this. She tried to give herself the same steel edged tone of disdain that her mother would have used had she been there to see her in such a state. Disgraceful to the von Galen, disgraceful to the great Tsutsugami name, this was not what she was supposed to be.
There could be no room for weakness, for chinks and chips and cracks within the tempered steel that was her body, mind, and soul. She had thrown her heart into the flames to forge herself anew, to become the living weapon that her husband and their children, their family, needed her to be.
She was the sword and shield of the Tsutsugami Daimyo.
Her head turned, hand sliding up past her darkened hairline to find him still sleeping, back not turned away from her in the depths of deep, deep slumber. The lines against his mouth, eyes, and brow were faded in the late hour, and she reached for him with shaking fingers to make sure he wouldn't crumble to ashes like so many had in the too recent past. That he wouldn't suddenly divide into so many chunks of barely identifiable meat with naught but the crest, his hair, and his weapon beside his body to remember him by the way his parents had been left behind.
The tips of her fingers barely grazed the corner of his mouth, where the traces of those hard lines almost always present would be when his brow furrowed, his breathing changing ever so slightly as the Tsutsugami family head showed signs of stirring.
Her breath caught in her throat, jewel-like eyes too large for her fair features watching in mingled fear- Don't wake up. Not right now. Not like this, don't wake up when I'm like this,- and the kind of hope she hadn't allowed herself to feel for years now- if you do, do it now. I need you. I don't think I can do this by myself anymore. all because of one damn woman and the amount of damage she'd managed to do that spanned two continents and then some besides.
But, it wasn't just that woman.
It was her own fault too, for not being strong enough, for not having the strength to barge straight in there the way she had at sixteen and all but demanded he give her an hour of his time like she should have. Together, they might have been able to ward her off, to find a way that would have spared them all of this.
But, what about Koyuki and Maiko?
Without that woman, those two precious children never would have existed.
Another reason she was a disgrace to the families born and wed into; sentiments. Such things weren't needed, weren't necessary when it came to being the perfect weapon and armor for that of the family. Haruki could be the one to guide them, to give them the doting affection and strong, guiding hand when they needed it while she took care of everything risky in the physical and spiritual sense.
It was what she was meant to be, wasn't it?
Wasn't it?
His brow furrowed further and he shifted as if he were to rise further from slumber. Please, she didn't know what she was begging him for now with large, frightened eyes that would have been more at home on little Natsuki's face than a grown woman's. She wanted something, anything-
A soft, discontented sound as he adjusted himself appropriately and turned to settle into a more comfortable position- away from her touch as if she were the source of all the discontentment and malaise in the sphere he considered his world.
Not far from the truth, in a manner of speaking, but a large part of her still cried out inside with the voice of a lost, aggrieved child in mourning for something she'd watched slip free from her grasp and couldn't get back.
She forced the lump down and dropped her hand to caress the long violet locks. The trailing stands slipped softly through her pale, trembling fingers as she brought a lock to her lips and kissed it gently. The scent of his shampoo was comforting, familiar, and it brought the sting of tears closer to the surface.
She needed to leave.
Needed to get up now that she knew he was alive- his face had been the same warm-yet-cool-from-exposure-to-air as usual, and he was breathing and there wasn't blood and gore everywhere. Her feet slid from the bed, to the floor with a barely audible thump that had her freezing, rounded shoulders hunched up about her ears as she waited with bated breath to see if he would wake the way he had so often.
Again, she heard her thoughts pleading, begging him to wake- don't do that- and nothing but the sound of his breathing filled her ears. No voice half-garbled and raspy from slumber, no grumpy tone or shift of body against sheets to greet her and demand to know where she was going or what she was doing so that she could tell him she was going to do... something.
The kids.
Her head jerked up, body immediately flinging itself from the confines of her sheets in panicked haste. Her robe, a long, black thing with just enough thickness to the fabric to keep it from being indecent in morning light while being light enough to keep her cool in the humid summers that Tokyo was so famous for. The sash was tied with quick, jerking motions filled with shaking impatience and anxiety as she all but rushed out of the bedroom and threw herself down the hall toward the first bedroom in the family's private quarters.
Needed to see her children.
They had to be okay.
If not her, or Haruki, they might have gone after the children.
Bloody foolish little- what makes you think they wouldn't take the children first? The thought lent more adrenaline to her poor body, shot through her veins like liquid fire as she whipped around the corner with eyes distant, unfocused until she reached the first bedroom- Maiko and Koyuki's. The door was cracked, the soft white-golden glow of a reading lamp illuminating the room from within as she peered into the girls' room with anxious hope.
Tarot cards, thick, heavy books and bits of odds and ends littered Koyuki's desk along side her proper school books, all of which cracked open and a half-completed assignment written in the girl's meticulous handwriting. Slumped over her desk with long, dark hair spilling over her shoulders to lay in inky tendrils against her cheek, the young teen's eyes were closed and lips parted softly in sleep as her chest rose and fell in slow, even measures.
Leaning further in, Maiko's pale hair lay against her face as well, curled up as she was against her blankets with a face much like her sister's in slumber. The resemblance between them could be uncanny on occasion, though she believed the younger twin more favored the visage of her grandmother in comparison to Koyuki's admittedly concerning take after the woman who gave birth to her.
But, unlike Yuzuki, Koyuki displayed little to no sign of actual ill intent other than being eternally exasperated with a younger brother who was too young to properly beat on without good excuse, and was far too old to be getting away with letting loose and popping him the way she knew he deserved.
She slipped in, startled as Beni rose from her position standing guard. The odd... familiar, the closest thing she could think of to calling what this was that Koyuki ordered about as freely as Haruki did Izanami, regarded her without eyes and its eerie appearance before bowing deeply, courteously, and allowing her to do what she would.
And she did.
Gently touching the girls' faces, reaching up and smoothing away the stray strands of hair from their faces the way she had since they had been so very little, their warmth, their living energy did much to soothe the pain within her. She leaned down, kissed Maiko's forehead and tucked her in a little better than she had been before.
Beni aided her in getting Koyuki into her bed proper, she'd have to let the studious little one know that she was to be in her bed or she'd start imposing a bed time again and enforce it the way she knew how to. She smoothed the girl's dark hair away from her face and kissed her forehead too, tucking her in the way she had ever since the girl had been old enough to pass out across the floor, sprawled over a book far too advanced for her, but determined to wrestle her way through it anyways.
Taiki's room was next, and she shut his window, locking it with a soft click so that her heart could remain at least somewhat at ease. He was asleep with the little pout he'd always had on his lips since he was an infant. Her beautiful, beautiful son. She had so many hopes for him, so many dreams of the future that would come to pass as her pride and joy if he could just... lose a little of that rebellious, headstrong nature.
Her lips met his forehead, her hand stroking his hair and smoothing it back as she tucked him in. She caught sight of the Mekkakyu and shook her head, smiling with more effort than it should have taken as she gently tucked it beneath his hand, and thus beneath his pillow, where it should have been to begin with when he went to bed.
Alive. Dreaming.
Natsuki was safe in her room as well, sprawled about with limbs askance every which way and in a manner that didn't at all look comfortable. Her head flopped to one side, mouth wide open as her little chest rose and fell with every breath. Soft, pale hair strewn about in silky tangles much like her father's own in a few shades lighter than even her uncle's own- though nowhere as pale as Maiko's own lilac colored locks.
With the kind of care and patience only a parent could muster, the pink haired Quincy carefully rearranged her child's limbs and slipped her back into proper sleeping positions in her bed. Blanket pulled up, favorite stuffed toy nestled lovingly in the crook of her arm, Cecania leaned down and gently kissed the pink, chubby cheeks of her youngest and slipped out the door with a sigh of relief as she slipped further down the family's private quarters.
Not done yet.
Never.
They must all be accounted for, all of them.
Kouta was asleep until she peered in, she knew the man detected her by the way his breathing changed and murmured a soft 'all is well' with the not-lie-not-yet-truth disguising the surge of relief in her voice and the internal whip that drove her ever onward. Her brother in law was safe.
Mayu was safe.
Markus too, was there, though she frowned a little at the young man's lack of proper sleep schedule at the young age of seventeen with a room full of monitors and machines making sounds that would have stressed her out with their noise. Good child, that one, she rather hoped that Taiki would start modeling himself after his eldest cousin.
Sakina was asleep with her cats, she smiled as she watched two sets of blinking eyes regard her with the patient kind of judgment that only felines could provide before they rested their heads back down and returned to their much more important slumber. One did not have time for odd mistresses of the household at unholy hours, after all. Good, she thought as she watched the young woman's sides rise and fall with the steadfast nature of one who slept deeply, all was well with the immediate family of the Tsutsugami household.
All, that was, except for herself.
“Okugata-sama?”
--
WC: 2321
GP: 30
GP: 30
