Post by Sakina on Sept 12, 2014 21:17:39 GMT -5
Cold sweat covered every inch of her body as Sakina jerked awake. Seeing their owner moving around, her cats rubbed their heads against her, demanding her affection. “Hey,” she greeted them, voice cracking, mouth parched. She tried to distract herself by giving the cats the attention they wanted. Although it was too dark to see, she could tell her precious kitties apart through touch alone. Hazell was bigger and had a much thicker coat. Ruby was smaller, thinner, leaner. Her nose was always wet and cold as ice. Sakina ran a hand though her tangled hair, her attempts to forget proving fruitless. It had been a long time since she’d woken up from a nightmare. This wasn’t just any bad dream. It was the same one that had plagued her for as long as she could remember.
The death of her parents.
She had been too young to stop it, too young to even know what was happening. Sakina held her head in her hands and groaned. Scenes of blood, carnage, murder flashed through her mind even though she was awake. Flashes of pieces of memories, out of sequence. Speeding up, slowing down, over and over.
Why won’t it stop?
One would think that after having the same dream over and over again for so long, she would have grown used to it, apathetic even. One would be wrong. Each time was worse. Rather than opening an old wound, it was like she was getting a new one. And the old ones didn’t go away. The awful weight crushed her chest, making it hard to breathe, to speak, to move.
To feel.
Trust issues aside, if it hurt this much to lose someone she didn’t even remember, how could she get close to anyone? Why bother? Everyone dies at some point. Murder. Illness. Age. Sakina pulled her cats close to her chest, hugging them tight. Their warmth was the only thing keeping her sane.
But even they would die eventually.
Was this the reason people struggled so hard? To protect the things precious to them? To cherish each moment of happiness, brief as it was? Was a short period of happiness worth the pain, the suffering, the loss?
The loneliness?
She thought about the people she knew. To her, the only people that seemed truly happy were the ones that loss had never touched. Or at least loss that they could remember. Would she be like them if she hadn’t witnessed her parents’ death? Did she even want to be like them? Maiko. Koyuki. Taiki. Natsuki. Cheerful and naïve, unaware of the harsh realities of the world. Or was it better to be like Haruki and Cecania? Touched by a deeper sadness than her own, if only because they remembered what is was they had lost. And how it was before. The pain only exacerbated by the loss of her brother’s eye.
She didn’t know.
Sakina rubbed her eyes and got out of bed, causing her cats to scatter. She needed to write. Writing always helped her calm down, feel more at peace. Even if she didn’t understand, her thoughts were organized. There was something soothing about putting it all down on paper. But people were nosy, and her thoughts were private. Sakina had experimented with codes, but they were either too complex to remember or so simple that anyone could crack them.
That was why she used poetry.
It was almost like a code, but there wasn’t just one interpretation. Your life and experiences colored the way you read the piece. Sakina quietly switched on a small desk light, not wanting to wake anyone else on the estate. Grabbing a pencil and a piece of paper, she began to write.
Memories
Filling my head, my heart, my soul
Long pink hair
Leading me on an endless stroll
A siren?
Or a saint? Who can really tell?
I follow
Although she leads towards a death knell
Not my own
But for two I loved deeply
Family
Though I only knew them briefly
I don’t know
Why their ghosts still keep haunting me
Or how I
Can give my head, heart, soul some peace
________________________
Word Count: 693
GP Gain: 9