Just One Mistake [Takua/CLOSED]

It was the first time in over a month that he'd been able to come to the human world.
 
Being able to escape, finally, the all too suffocating feel of Hueco Mundo and breathe in the far lighter spiritual air of Earth was a relief. He wasn't stuck in Seireitei anymore, wasn't tied to the side of his 'daughter' and Queen. There was nothing to keep him from seeking out his friend anymore and telling her everything that had happened...all of the fucked up shit that had gone down during the past month. All of the lies and sheer evil that Severance had done. What had happened to him. Of all the things he wanted, to be able to sit down and finally relax with Sekai was near the very top. She was maybe the only one anymore that he could let down his guard around, now that Amaya and Rania were dead.
 
Well, Rania wasn't really dead, but he sure as hell couldn't talk to her anymore.
 
Tonight was for himself. After this, he'd start redeeming himself. Fixing everything he had fucked up. So many things he had turned away from because it was hard, because it would be painful. Maybe she understood what that was like, maybe he could talk to her about what it meant to realize every part of yourself you thought you knew was a lie. And if she didn't understand...then maybe he could simply talk to her about that. The way he couldn't with any other person in all the worlds.
 
But it wasn't all sunshine and roses. There were problems.
 
She was suppressing her reiatsu.
 
Completely and totally, or as much as she could anyhow. There were only wisps left, scattered fragments that would have slid under the notice of anyone but himself. Only when he strained himself to the limit could he find her. Back at the shrine. Even though the fragments of her presence were scattered all across Tokyo, hidden in the corners of the metropolis. Somehow, something had happened. He didn't know what yet, but the anxious knot in his stomach was the kind of premonition he hated. When he found her, Takua was going to find something he didn't like. Especially because the way she had hurried from place to place, hiding in hotel rooms, was tainted with the sense of desperation. Fleeing from something, even if the Arrancar didn't know what.
 
The lost soul approached the shrine carefully, Pequisa turned up to maximum. She was here, and so were a few other of the Fujimura. Including Seishiro. The two of them, as a rule, didn't get a long, so he was going to avoid the man. The night was hushed, waiting for him to climb the steps to the shrine...and see the massive tree that held his friend. A massive tree that held more than its fair share of spiritual power. Maybe that was why Sekai liked it so much. He had his suspicions about the wisteria, why its signature was close to the shrine maiden's own. But tonight wasn't the night for that either. And for once, he had enough sense to hold his tongue on that matter.
 
For a minute, he simply stood there on the shrine grounds. Staring at the Mortal girl who lay in the tree. Wisps of a reiatsu he never wished to feel on her clung to wounds that scored deep into her body. Why was she still injured? She knew how to heal herself! But they stayed there...and he had a horrible feeling he knew why.
 
Because she didn't want to forget.
 
But even as he felt those clinging particles, he became aware of another scent. Older. Different. Covering far more of her body, lingering deep in wounds that lay half-healed under her clothing. Different wounds. But this was also a signature that he knew. His will stretched out through the Eye of Infinity, and a few of those particles left those burns. Until they passed over his right hand, and he could confirm their identity.
 
What happened?
 
Anxiety swirled into his gut. Anger came next in a roar, but mostly confusion. So that when his voice slipped out, it was barely more than a whisper. Soft and pained, the Arrancar looked at his friend and saw injuries both physical and emotional on a woman who was bending under the strain. He had hoped that tonight could be one of rest. But if she really had been attacked by both people, then there would be no rest here. Because she would ask a question, and Takua had already promised himself to tell her the truth.
 
Only, now it was too late to tell her before she found out for herself. Because he'd been a coward, weak and afraid, too focused on killing who he really was to do what needed to be done. That a little pain now could save far greater pain later.
 
“Sekai, what happened to you?”
 
WC: 828 | GP: 16 | Total: 16

She was running.

Erasmus was right.

Colin was right.

She was a coward.

Her smile was like a pile of shattered glass, reflecting the woman who had once been able to smile and tell a story. To let the children sleep on her while she spoke of a young boy who needed to cross the river. That woman was bleeding out, hurt beyond belief by someone who should have been a friend. By the lost soul of her wife. By the Arrancar who wanted to do nothing but help her, but had made mistakes. By another Arrancar who was filled with cruel intent and malice.
 
By the world that Takua had tried and failed to defend her from. The world he'd tried to teach her about.
 
His heart squeezed in pain just looking at her, and he hadn't confessed yet.
 
If only he could stay silent. If only he could have purified Sakuya. If only Hatred hadn't existed, then he could have taken Sakuya to a Shinigami and had her purified. But no, that monster had already delivered his ultimatum. Crossing to Earth with another Hollow would have been an execution, nothing more and nothing less. Tokiyo was busy fleeing from Hueco Mundo. When he met Ezekiel, he couldn't ask for a favor and the ability to go to Hueco Mundo at all was gone! Takua had built this punishment for himself, brick by brick, because there was no where else for him to go. No other option, unless he wanted to devour Sakuya himself.
 
It hurt already and he hadn't even said a word yet.
 
It hurt just looking at her. Hearing her words.
 
His own mouth was leaden, turning into a sad smile as he responded to what she must have hoped would be good news, “It's been too long, yes. Too much happened, and so little of it good.” Looking at her now, he knew she would say the same thing. He returned her bow of greeting, something he'd picked up just for her.
 
What had happened to her?
 
He took a few steps closer to her, to really 'see' her, and then turned to look at the building she had lived in. It looked fine on the outside...but inside it was a wreck. Scorched, burned, melted, seared by weeks-old flame and reiatsu. As tortured a mass as the woman who had once lived in it. Funny, that. If only he could have laughed at that comparison, then maybe the gloom that hung over him might have been banished.
 
...lying on the ground inside, a single arm.
 
Hi-to's arm.
 
He couldn't even reach for anger. His mind tried to make the most pitiful, half-hearted reach, only to fail. Only the deadened weight of despair. Why? Why had Hi-to attacked her? Takua, the Arrancar, the lost one, the fucking corrupt soul, didn't understand.
 
Why?
 
Why could he feel nothing but despair and pain from her?
 
Why was he going to add to it?
 
“Oh, Sekai.” Takua's heart clenched again on hearing her words, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. Physically, maybe she came out ahead. But not emotionally. She was hurt so badly it felt like she was slipping through his fingers, falling to pieces and there was nothing he could do to stop it. “That's...one way to win, yes. But we usually include the heart in that.” And the heart, obviously, had not won in a long, long time.
 
“But then, if we're going by that measure, I suppose I won recently too.” The small smile was broken, the laugh as fake as the alternate Tova's kindness. His mind was already on to what he didn't want to talk about, but knew that he'd need to. Because even Hi-to attacking her wasn't enough for the depth of her despair. She had to know. That her attacker was Sakuya. Her wife, a Hollow. And with that, he only had one reason not to tell her.
 
He didn't want her to hate him.
 
Maybe she wouldn't be able to take another friend having kept this from her. He knew that it wouldn't matter why he was doing it. To protect her from this moment. Until that had happened, it was the right thing to do. But now that it had, it would only hurt more.
 
It was almost a pity he had chosen to live.
 
But he had. And had decided to tell her. Because Takua could not save her wife. His final hope, Segunda Etapa, had been a mockery of everything he had dreamed it might be.
 
And now he hated himself for being less than a God in this hour.
 
Sekai deserved to know because of who she was. She deserved to know what had happened and why. Maybe this was wrong. Maybe she needed to think of Takua as someone who had only ever had her back.
 
If there really is a God out there. Please. I beg of you. Help her.

And give me strength.
 
Breathe in.
 
Out.
 
“There's so much that I need to tell you. I just wish that more of it was good news. Rania is a Shinigami now...and I think she's happier there. I can see Reishi now, even if I can't see. Pity, I was really hoping I could read you a book.” He chuckled a little the sound actually containing a glimmer of humor. But Takua knew he was babbling, running away from it because he just wanted a few minutes more like this. “I even realized that I was doing some things horribly wrong finally. Only took me a few hundred years to get there.”
 
He was close enough to her now that their auras could touch. Close enough for the color to bleed together again. That was a mistake. Guilt ran through him like Severance's blade had, taking him where he stood. This was his fault. If only he had been more resolute, if only he had seen the future he would have chosen differently.
 
But he hadn't seen the future. He couldn't see where those decisions would take him. And now he was here.
 
The smile crumpled.
 
Here and now, Takua would have welcomed being tortured.
 
It would hurt less.
 
“Sekai. Because of those realizations, I have a confession to make.”
 
WC: 1035 | GP: 20 | Total: 36

She tried to ignore those signs.

Too late

Why?

And now that was wrong too.

Guilt vibrantsharpstabbingwrenching

Her name again.

Denial was a powerful thing.

Just like Hope.

Denial, like Hope, did terrible things to a person.

Played wicked games with their mind.

Played them for the fools they were.

For the fools they always had been.

And always would be.

She knew.
 
And it was tearing her apart.
 
Everything had gone wrong. Everything.
 
All because he had listened to her wife's request, all of those months ago. Because he had let a soul choose her path, even though he had known the pain that might happen. Had told Sakuya what would happen. And she...had chosen otherwise.
 
Fuck you Sakuya, because you charged ahead with all of that goddamn cocksure arrogance and it got you killed. Fuck you Hatred, for driving me to this corner. He took a breath, watching as Sekai recoiled from him...and feeling something break in that moment that might never truly mend. But I'm the one at fault. I'm the one who had a choice. Take me to fucking Hell, I deserve it for this.
 
Was she going to shatter?
 
This woman. Such a strong bar of iron he had seen in her once. Twice now. She had such potential. To be the brightest of shining lights in this world of humanity. She had such strength...and now it was gone. Beaten down, shattering beneath the weight of the spiritual world, beneath what fate had delivered to her. Hiding under everything. And he here, now, was going to deliver another hammer blow to this woman. Wasn't he?
 
Wasn't it supposed to be better to be honest? To fess up to your mistakes, to the things you had done that needed apologizing for? If you were honest, if you told them what you had done outright...then things might be okay.
 
Right?
 
She had his heart in a vise. Every word, all of this trust she had had for him, was worse now than any other blade he had ever felt. Only becoming a Hollow had been worse. Only killing Amaya was comparable, and he had had anger as a bulwark then. Here, now, there was no anger he could fall back on. Nothing but the stony weight of reality on his back and the pricking of tears at the corners of his eyes.
 
She wanted to believe in him.
 

He wasn't worth that belief.

 
Too much emotion in the air. Sekai's heart breaking in front of him, running away from what she knew had to be the truth...even if she had some of it wrong. She thought that he had turned her himself. But those would only be small comforts that would never be felt as such. She could attack him. Hate him for the rest of her life. Watching her cry, watching her try to find something to hang on to-
 
The hope ripped at him. Not because she had it, but because it was so obviously her last defense.
 
He wanted to lie.
 
There were other blind Arrancar. One of them had even come to Las Noches recently. Another he had met over a year ago. He could say that. She wanted to believe him. She might believe him.
 
He'd never forgive himself.
 
Death would have been kinder than seeing her like this. Bleeding already, tearing at her hair.
 

She'd never forgive him. Nor should she.

 
Tears ran down his face, slipping through the sides of his mask as he felt his own hands burn with sudden, jagged pain. When she finally fell silent, into that horrifying, fragile silence, he knew the time had come. He had known, when he had stepped into the fire, that he had been heading for pain.
 
Just not this much.
 
“There are other blind Arrancar in Las Noches, it's true.” To his surprise, his voice barely wobbled. Not strong, but clear. There was no mistaking the sorrow though, the pain.
 

He couldn't lie.

 
“But I will tell you the truth.” Takua grimaced, feeling the steel claws digging farther into his heart. “Because it's what you deserve.” Tears rolled down his cheeks as he took a deep breath.
 
The next words were practically a whisper.
 
“The reason I didn't tell you before now is because she asked me not to.”
 
“The day we met, Sakuya was in the tree as well. A spirit. She confronted me after you went inside. Demanded to know what my game was. We...argued, especially when I insisted she be purified. I told her what would happen. She refused.” He swallowed hard, and wondered at the pain. This was as bad as the Hunger had ever been. The hole inside of his heart.
 
He'd give anything, anything at all, to be a God now. To wipe this away. To change the past.
 
To hold her and tell her that everything would be alright.
 

He'd given up every right to do that.

 
“She said that she couldn't leave until you were okay. Until she knew you could handle the world you'd stepped into. She didn't care about what might happen, no matter what I said.” Blood dripped from the cuts he'd made into his hands. Staining the grass beneath him. This was the moment of choice. This was when he saw her sacrifice and stepped back. The moment when he'd let someone make a choice about their life. And accepted it.
 
“I accepted that. Because of why. Because...I knew what kind of sacrifice she was making. I hoped that she'd be found by a Shinigami first, but she wasn't. And she told me not to tell you, because she knew it would hurt. I knew it would hurt. And I- stupidly, I thought she might be purified, that granting one of her last wishes wouldn't have a cost.” But oh, what a cost. What a cost. All because of one overconfident, arrogant woman and one man who was too weak to oppose her will. Too much of an Arrancar to stand against her Sacrifice.
 
He swallowed, trying not to read Sekai's aura right now. He couldn't take the feeling of it. Knowing that no one else was to blame here but him.
 
“Weeks after you came to Las Noches, I was out in the desert. We'd already started training. And I came across her. Already a Hollow, already Adjuchas. Starving and weak. Because she didn't know that she had to eat to keep her mind. But I recognized her soul...and-”
 
His voice cracked and broke, and now it was his own raw pain and guilt that surged forward, “I couldn't have her purified. If I took her to Earth or Soul Society, Hatred would have destroyed us both before I found a Shinigami. If I took a Shinigami to Hueco Mundo, Hatred would have done the same- did come the one time I took a Shinigami there. Only minutes later. She wouldn't be purified, she'd be gone. If I left her, she'd have become a Gillian. No mind, no unique reiatsu signature, no different than any other Gillian in the desert. I'd never have been able to find her again, to try and get her purified. There's no way she ever could have evolved again, you get one chance at Adjuchas, one, and that's it.”
 
Prying open his hand was like bending stone, but somehow, he did it. Bloody, oozing crimson, he held his right hand skyward as he stared at it for just a moment before he forced himself to look back at Sekai. “And I'm an Arrancar.” Recrimination. Self-loathing. “I could only have consumed your wife. I only had one option. To make sure I could still find her in the future, make sure she was still her, still had a mind, didn't regress.”
 
“I fed her just enough so she wouldn't regress. I told her what she needed to in order to survive. And I told her to stay away from Earth. Because if she went to Earth, she could find Hatred. A Quincy. She could find you.”
 
And then his failure really would be complete.
 
Just as it had become.
 
“I tried to find a time when Hatred wasn't watching. Never happened. A Shinigami who could Suppress himself, to avoid detection. I couldn't find one though. Not until a month ago. But I couldn't ask him before he went back, and then...then I couldn't ask him at all.”
 
Seconds passed, and the only sound he could hear was the roaring in his ears. Now it was his turn to not want to hear her response. To hear what must be condemnation. Because there was only one question now.
 
Why.
 
Why hadn't he told her after Sakuya had become a Hollow?
 
“I wanted...” His voice trailed off. The dying sound of hope there, seeing what had happened because of that hope. “I wanted to send her on without you knowing she had ever become a Hollow. Because I knew that it would hurt you, I had hoped it could be done without that pain.” A fresh wave of tears came as his head began to ache. Flush with shame and hate for his own weakness and flaws. Sekai deserved better. Sakuya deserved better.
 
He couldn't give it to them.
 
An Arrancar simply wasn't good enough.
 
“It'll never be enough to say. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I accepted her choice, and then couldn't get her to where she should have been in the first place. She was your wife, and I thought- I thought she had could decide. I was too much of a coward to think for myself- and then it was too late. I can only find her, I can't send her on.”
 
The bitterness echoed through the frozen air, and Takua knelt. Until both knees were on the ground. Until his forehead rested to the grass, hands next to his head. Sekai had never shown him this, but she didn't have to.
 
It was the right thing to do.
 
But it wouldn't be enough.
 
“I'm sorry. I never told you, and I should have the moment I found her in the desert. When I knew that you could take knowing your wife was a Plus- and had been watching over you.”
 
“I failed you.”
 
WC: 1652 | GP: 33 | Total: 69

drip

drip

There is no turning back time.

She asked me not to.

And never more.

Done with them.

Silence screamed.

Throw it away and she could be okay again, right?

One more time.

Thmp-thmp

thmp-thmp

thmp-THMP

"You need to leave."

S e t m e f r e e

Louder

  Control

"Get out of here before I tear you apart with my bare hands."