Come at Once

He'd stood outside her shop for awhile, she was keenly alerted to his presence despite her position in the basement. She didn't react immediately making sure to present herself at the head of the shop to observe him physically such urges were subdued and restrained. A lifetime of training, well, lifetimes by any other measure of the word.

So she kept up hr work, she was busy sewing, nothing complicated, a small stuffed animal, it was recommended in a book. She was not the most gifted tailor, having only taken with it recently. Recently, perhaps not so accurate either by any other persons measure of the word. She learned how to mend clothes, but never to create something like this  and n that her interested was recent. A cute little teddy bear. Why not.

Sure she had more important things, but it was new. Novelty still got to her, just like that curious Shinigami lingering outside. Always the curiosity.

For the second time in as many minutes she stuck her finger and so she decided to set the bear aside and took a quiet moment to nurse her finger. Blood, that rich taste, metallic. It wasn't so much the taste itself as the sensation.

She silenced those thoughts which quickened her. This Shinigami was not necessarily like the other, that it would pass without incident. He could be here for her, he could know about her. He could be hunting her or seeking her out and like always just one quick set of stairs down was that blade in its dark room ever calling out to her.

Not calling to her like it used to, know audible whispers or calls for blood. The quiet whispers of memory, calling the time when she once wielded a blade. It would be simple, she could remove it from the bedrock with ease-

The bells chime snapping hr from her daydream. Was it getting worse? It seemed like it certainly. Something about the presence of these Shinigami, more plentiful customers than those spiritual humans. She had other customers, normal people, but such interactions passed largely without incident.

She was up the stairs and behind the counter by the time he'd finished gawking at the shelves surrounding him. He looked to her and this time she was not caught off guard, her smile came easy as she stared into his eyes for a moment, flicking naturally to his nose after that brief glance. Too much was shared in a gaze.

"Why hello there," she said cheerily. "We carry many kinds." She seemed amused by the question, and moved from behind the counter slowly. "Was there anything in particular you were interested in?" Slow steps, half the store still rested between them by the time she stopped. Middle of the aisles. She gestured naturally. "Romance, Fiction and Non-Fiction of all sorts, a good collection of history and education books but also a good collection of instructional, perhaps better known as DIY. Did you just come to browse? I've had a lot of curious people come in," she left the meaning ambiguous.

She did her best to pull off magnanimous host while she studied him, trying to discern his looks, his expression, his attitude. Was he a threat? Just another oblivious Shinigami? She wasn't certain, it set her on edge and she did her best to hide it.

561/11/11 GP Total

Nanami watched him patiently, she was in no hurry, she'd given her greeting and the customer would return it and search, perhaps shyly and with great reservation slip out the door without purchasing like they were ashamed of not having decided to buy anything. Such things were amusing, but she didn't mind, she just liked the presence of people inside her humble shop.

He seemed lost, which was amusing enough to Nanami to make his visit already profitable, like someone who really didn't truck very well with books, what brought him here then? A Shinigami whom didn't seem like he was all that interested in books.

Was he here for her then? The kind of thinking that caused those dark desires to bubble up, that feeling of anger coupled with a fight or flight response.

She didn't recognize him, some kind of fleeting familiarity but it hadn't placed yet, she kept at it like a background process in her brain that she set and just let it go.

She returned his smile easily, he seemed warm enough, but his grin rose and that unsettled her. No, perhaps unsettle wasn't the right word. He was a predator, a friendly one and she became quite confident that he had no idea who she truly was. It also seemed that he, like she, put a great deal of stock in a glance.

"Ah," she said knowingly with a slight incline of her head. She smiled again. "Something of a speciality," she said off hand as if it was clearly implicit she referred to literature. She made her way round the counter as his hand slipped along the spines. He looked without reverence, or concern. He didn't know how to appraise a story, and well, what was her job if not to help him with that?

"Nanami," she said as she rounded the shelves and came up to him, a few feet away, the causal distance of a professional relationship. "Nanami Hideaki."

If she knew his name, she didn't react to it, but she did know the name.

Minamoto. She was familiar with the family, but she didn't show it. Definitely not something she'd admit to. All those years in Second Division paid off it seemed, even Nanami kept some of those lessons in her head.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Shinigami-san."

But sometimes it was much more fun to ignore such lessons.

Someone important, another happenstance to stumble into her little shop. Or was it. That caution was always there, never put herself in a position to be compromised.

She bowed her head respectfully and, as if it wasn't such a reveal she simply turned to the selection. "Any specific kind of romance catch your fancy? Do you prefer stable-hand and the princess kind of pulpy stuff...or something more serious and intimate?"

She looked back at him, studying but trying not to appear as if she was. She had her excuses ready, a spiritually aware human, knowledged in Shinigami.

But the reactions were always fun to test.

506/10/21 GP Total

Nanami giggled, his little joke, or misunderstanding maybe. She actually wasn't certain, so she decided to play along. "A speciality of this store," she clarified with an amused smile.

Not that she could read the Shinigami's mind, not that she wanted to, but how helpful that would have been. But she was wary of a little flirting, something so incredibly out of her, admittedly vast repertoire of knowledge. It wasn't an interest. But she was not afraid of men, or customers, she was afraid of Shinigami. Of being discovered, of those dark impulses that she had whenever she felt that small tinge of threat to her safety. The ones that urged her further, to make it worse.

She giggled, "Wish I could say the same of Shinpei," then she burst into an embarrassed laugh. "Sorry, sorry. I'm just kidding."

Nanami liked to joke around, it was rare, but it happened.

She nodded thoughtfully. "Aw, my favorites," she said with a disappointed snap of her fingers. It wasn't...entirely off mark but she definitely tried to appear like she was joking. She watched him patiently as he decided for what he wanted. In her experience, people read romance to fulfill something they were missing. Which to her suggested that Shinpei was in no shortage of ripping bodices, as it were. She held firmly that what she was missing was clever metaphors and similes for male and female genitalia and nothing else.

And perhaps because it was something simple, something wholly mundane and free of conflict. Well. Real conflict. The kind of life and death struggle that had grown so tiresome in all of her long, long, long years. Romances were uniquely human, in her experience. Shinigami love was so frequently patient, lacking the immediacy, the urgency.

Perhaps she was projecting.

Going for something he knew? Perhaps she misjudged as he grinned wolfishly. Ah, perhaps it was simply another move then, another pass.

Happy endings. She gave him a slight smile. If she was right about what people looked for in romance this was beginning to paint a picture of this strange figure before her. Minamoto.

"Ah, happy ending?" her smile returned again, she glanced away, tapping her chin thoughtfully. Hm.

She knew just the story. Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles...

She laughed when he mentioned her being a Shinigami. And raised a brow at that last bit. "Seems perhaps that last bit lies more on someone else than myself? Trouble at home Shinigami-san?" Formal, right now, but curiosity stoked. She turned from her search of tomes, concern playing in her expression. "Must have been some girl," she tested.

"As for me, nothing fancy, just a normal girl with a special talent for seeing. I thought Shinigami weren't allowed on Earth for a long time?" Certainly not enough time to run a bookstore, that was for certain.

“And alone? In the company of so many books?” she giggled. “Unlike Shinigami, we humans aren’t defined by my job, I have a life outside these four walls,” she lied.

511/10/31 GP Total

That kind of face you could see even with eyes closed.

Expressions that would fill you up, because you'd hope you were the reason he made them.

That kind of depth that you're talking to a real person, not someone cardboard, fake.

The kind of lasciviousness to make you blush, with ideas that he might inspire in you.

Nanami was no blushing maid. She didn’t fall in love, never wondered what might have been. No long lost love who never happened. An array of suitors whom she scared off, some by who she truly was, others by her own intention. Love was never something that she'd obtain. It was like a part of her life she'd excised.

Nanami didn't fall in love. She didn't have crushes. She didn't lust.

It didn't boil down to gender for her. She appreciated anyone who could make her smile, who could exchange wit like dancing swordplay. She appreciated aesthetic beauty, but she didn't feel that kind of attraction. For anyone.

She cracked a smile as he rubbed his neck and looked perplexed. "Ah, well, I mean, it's an easy mistake to make I'm sure." She noticed the abrupt shift, it wasn't a joke, and for a moment it seemed he'd forgotten that only to have reality quickly remind him of his mistake. She wanted to reach out, comfort him. Oh the story she was sure he could tell her.

In the back of her mind she'd already begun planning her next story.

"It always is," she said quickly. Complicated. Wasn't everything? She listened as she was explained things of the Shinigami that she already knew. "Hah, surely not everything in the Soul Society is so drole? Surely the Shinigami have not made everything so dull?" She gave him a hopeful expression mingled with a playful smile. To her it was a game, haha I'm secretly 2000 years old. Some kind of jestful point.

Exactly when did she lose her caution?

He was away from home, it seemed, for quite some time. Longer than Shinigami should spend away from the Seireitei. Was she like him? A fugitive? She was hopeful, it seemed, if for nothing else than to be honest. Secrets yearned to be shared, presenting a pressing burden to their holders when contained. But the risk if she guessed wrong, oh the consequences she constantly faced. How tiring, to constantly guard oneself. Was there none she could be open with? Honest?

"Oh, right," earnestly caught off guard she moved and pulled the book from the shelf, as a matter of memory. There was rarely a book on her shelves she couldn't place, even were she blindfolded.

But if she handed it over, he would leave, and once more she'd be back into the holding pattern. Waiting for someone to show up who needed her teachings perhaps, or a customer who might need a book. Hoping that it might be someone who she might share a cup of tea and talk. About anything, the weather if that's all she could have she'd take it.

Because otherwise it meant her company was herself, and the silence.

The silent calls of that thing that lurked in the darkness, coaxing her.

Nanami didn't fall in love. She didn't have crushes. She didn't lust.

But she did get lonely.

She smiled easily and slid the book to him. "Ah yes, 'the clubs'."

People moved in and out of her life so quickly. She'd outlived all she'd ever met and now her connections were fleeting. It was hard to form bonds when she was so guarded, because she had to be.

"And..."

As the book slid into his hands, she moved a hand to his for a moment.

"There's never just one girl. For anyone," The hand moved quickly, only fleeting contact meant perhaps to be comforting. Surely she was overreaching, it was a gesture which made her feel more vulnerable than if he knew who she truly was. She turned, slightly, as if she had to urgently examine a few books. "And I'm sure your family will forgive you eh? If not who needs 'em," she laughed quickly. A joke to cover up a moment.

What a state.

700/14/45 GP Total

"A first I'm certain huhn?" She knew that easy smile, the trick was to convince yourself it wasn't entirely fake, find a reason to smile. That was a tricky thing for her to do, but she developed a bit of skill during her time with the 2nd and she had no shortage of practice.

She smiled, and gave a short giggle. "I don't truck much with wishes, always more satisfying to get it done with hard work." In her experience wishing and hoping accomplished so very little such that she was done with the concept altogether.

She hummed at his appraisal size. "I would mind ending a long day in something like that. Prolly waste far too much time relaxing in it if I owned one. I'd watch that idea, someone else might make millions on it."

"When you start looking at eternity I bet you get pretty nervous at losing it all, for us humans its a little easier huhn? What’s a hundred years to lose to an eternity. What's the expression? YOLO I think. I doubt that would catch on in Soul Society." A quick joke to hide any sort of emotional response. She knew exactly how it was ‘up there’, and how well the Gotei accepted change. That knowledge almost cost her her neck.

"I think you might be mistaking it for the navy?" she added in what was most certainly an attempt to be helpful.

"Oh once I saw your..." A short breath as the hand touched her chin. An ancient brain used to complex equations faltering to address the simple problem, what was the proper emotional response to being touched? Thankfully, he was quick to retreat, leaving her to have only missed a beat. "Ah, well, you never know with Shinigami do you? All dour and business, most of them don't like humans who know more than they should. Always afraid to take the chance,"

Another short breath, a beat, a pause, I'm glad I did. Too cornball, wrong message. Thankfully the topic changed, they were somewhere else.

"But have you ever been in love, Nanami?"

Closest thing to love she found had been addiction. An addiction that defined her life, spun it long across 2000 years of chasing it, then being chased by it.

But real love? Had she ever really loved someone? Easy question, simple answer.

No.

But she was envious of those who did, who faced the emotional devastation of love and came through the other end, having lived. There was some kind of sublime joy in the sadness, the tears and the rare shot at that triumph when it all paid off. Perhaps that’s what drew her to those kind of books. Stories had a way of transporting her to things she'd never experience, love was just one of those things.

To his question she didn't answer with words, but her expression was plain as day. Her entire life there had been the occasional moment of idle fancy, of wondering if she ever would. As time dragged on it came with the cool acceptance that that was simply part of her life she never would. For some reason, perhaps it just came at the right time, that acceptance was shaken.

She didn't take her eyes off him while he spoke.

"You think I want to fall in love like that again...?"

With that last statement he froze for a moment wordless. Seemed like he held words better left unspoken, or words he seemed unsure if true.

His hand reached out to her face, cupping her cheek again. Intimate, but this time her brain didn't try to churn through appropriate calculations, or try to measure proper emotional responses. Instead, she reached up and took his hand gently while he spoke before lowering it down from her face, running a thumb over the back of it once.

"I wish that I would."

Better to have said, she wished that she could. She let go of his hands and smiled again, she hadn't lost any skill in doing that at least.

"As to your question...I don't know. Truly. But I hope that you do, Shinpei."

Because she needed to believe in fairytale endings, for other people. She'd built a monument of regret around love and worse than never having loved would be believing that she was better off never have.

"Maybe this one'll inspire something," she said hopefully addressing the book.

But it's all just words printed on a page.

720/14/59 GP Total

"You? Surely you must be joking, my whole world has been shaken." His attraction to wishes, she supposed that was fair but she'd live a life wishing one thing or another and never seeing anything come of it. It didn't seem to her that whoever was in charge of granting wishes really regarded her all that highly. People often deserved their fates far often than not, and if you didn't get something that you wanted perhaps you simply didn't try hard enough. Or, the more likely scenario, that the world was simply a cruel place sometimes, and people had difficult lives.

She giggled. Sacuzzi "Clever name," she said. She shrugged helplessly as he attempted to interpret the arcane wisdom of a popular catchphrase. "Perhaps it's the kind of half glass full thing that betrays a bit about the interpreter."

The last word caught her, she smiled sadly. "Perhaps it'd be a better place if they could," though she knew for a fact they absolutely did, it's what they chose to forget and remember that was so troubling. What it meant to be human, for one.

Part of her wished she was the right person to accept the unmade offer. But that wasn't her, and Nanami could scarcely pretend to be anything other than what she was. She'd made her life, lived it a long enough time to know exactly who she was as a person. The path that lay ahead of her was meant to be travelled alone.

"Hope, that's a pretty sentiment," she said with a warm smile. "Next time we meet, I'm sure it'll be on our paths to a happy ending." Could she believe it? No, not really but she wanted to. At least for Shinpei. He’d certainly seemed like he’d lived long enough to deserve one.

He got a smile from her. She wasn't the princess locked in the tower awaiting a knight in shining armor atop a noble steed to slay the monster and whisk her away. She was the monster, and perhaps the princess both, but there was no knight living to come and save her, that part of the story was up to her too. At least locked away from the world she could do no more harm.

That was more than could be expressed with words, it needed honesty too. Oh how she wished she could share it with someone, tell all her little secrets, spill her pretty guts out, but that was not the way the story went. She was a monster, a killer and some day she would face proper justice for all her manifold crimes.

So she smiled and gave a little giggle shrugging helplessly. "Still needs to having a shining armor and sword," she said with a firm nod. "Long blond hair is mandatory. And a monster of course."

Two strangers, still strangers, with tempests raging behind forced smiles caused by pained pasts. The closest she'd ever felt to anyone in centuries.

How pathetic was that?

“Then, they live happily ever after.”

504/10/69 GP Total