Post by Rania Fujikagi on Aug 12, 2015 20:35:56 GMT -5
If she'd gotten her way, would she have chosen this life? If she'd gotten her way, would this have been her 'happily ever after' ending? Questions that had no answers but 'here' was where her story unfurled so let's start from the beginning again.
What defined you? By what standards did you define yourself? Were you defined? Could you and would you? She was just a ‘nobody’ trying to find herself after all this time. Born into this world as a human trapped into becoming a doll to be controlled by greed and selfish desires was the reason she died the first time. Then, she was ‘born again,’ only to be bound by the regrets and repercussions of her last life. It was an endless cycle of hitting wall after wall. She never had a chance to define who Rania really was, not until now. But since the chance had presented itself, she’d never felt more lost.
The world, the one Rania now lived in, was a world she used to hate. It was a world she used to dream of tearing down, wanted to see it burn in its own bloodshed. Shinigami, after all, were nothing more than glorified missionaries and now… now she had become what she once hated. But that’s where the line blurred. During that bleak Hollow era, Rania hated herself so much that everything else automatically became painted in black.
These were only some of the complicated, seemingly nonsensical thoughts that lived in Rania’s mind. She couldn’t let the past control who she was anymore but it was all that she knew. In order for her soul to move forward, this was an obstacle Rania had to overcome. The world was always dark and dreary, until her last breath when a small flame sparked. It was the light that she had sought. It was the light that brought her into Seireitei, now illuminated so that a young girl could have big dreams again. Life here was not easy and she was sure it would only get harder but it was something she appreciated.
But where did you start from here?
Rania sat on the front steps of Shun’s porch in the evening breeze in a slightly distressed mood. The air was crisp but gentle and it soothed her mind throbbing with confusion. The natural course of a Shinigami was the very thing that Rania agonized over, night after night. They seemed bound by the thing that was unique to the world of Seireitei but in her mind, she could only ever compare the Gotei 5 to Las Noches’ King and his Espada. It seemed like any respectable Shinigami joined a division of the Gotei upon what they called graduation from the Academy here. If it was anything like becoming an Espada though, that would mean nothing to Rania. She knew what was like to become an Espada and it was no different than when she was simply an Arrancar to Las Noches. The title simply brought fear and jealously. It didn't make her feel any more integrated into the world of Hollow. It was haphazard and unorganized but that was the experience with which she brought forth.
The easy way out would have been to simply ask Shun but this was something she wanted, needed to understand on her own but how? It always came back to that. How?
Suddenly becoming restless, Rania stood up and decided to take a walk. Where she was headed, she didn’t really know. Wherever her footsteps would take her was where she would end up. Perhaps a product of a subconscious desire to learn, to learn more, to learn anything and everything, Rania found herself standing in the courtyard of the Shinoreijutsuin. Here was the Academy of Seireitei. Here was where students learned how to become Shinigami, a crucial step of Rania’s integration that was unfortunately skipped.
Class had long since been dismissed for the day and now it had become eerily silent. Each step forward resonated against the walls of the main building. Each step forward pulled Rania toward an empty classroom, where she sat in an empty desk looking toward an empty chalkboard.
“Class, what should we learn today?” she whispered to herself quietly. Only silence in return. “What did we want to learn?” An echo of her own question but still no answer given in response.
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Word count: 731
GP: 14
Total: 731 / 14
