*No Angels* {Colin | TBTP | Finished}

His last few days had been packed full of whatever he could shove in them to pass the time. He'd been killing Hollows almost feverishly, hunting them out instead of waiting for them to ping on his spiritual radar just because he didn't have to think about anything else when his heart was beating that fast. He watched movies. He spent a lot of time in the skies. He tried to meet more people, dropped into lives more often than he was accustomed to.

He was after any distraction he could find to make the time go faster, to stop him from dwelling on things he couldn't control.

It took all the willpower he had to leave his phone in his pocket, to keep himself from dialing the string of digits that would let him hear Dew's voice again. It was all he could think of, unless he got so caught up in something else that it left his mind, at least until a quiet moment brought it back again.

Dew said not to call, so he was. He was doing that. Not just what the words said, but what everything else had said. What running away had said. He needed space, so Colin was giving it to him. It went against every instinct he had--to cling to this wonderful person and protect them, just bathe in how great they are--but it was right, wasn't it?

If Dew loved him, if this was real, the phone would ring, right? Sooner or later?

If not, he'd be standing there forever.

When it finally did it was almost like a dream. He was talking to someone, was mid-conversation when he disappeared, miles away in seconds. He wasn't sure if he was making it up. He'd thought about it enough times, but there it was. The sound was real, and all the things he'd been doing for the past few weeks, the rest of his life, faded into irrelevant black.

"Hello?"

And there Dew was, on the other end. Hearing his voice made everything right again.

"I wasn't sure if you were ever gonna call."

352/7

He thought about playing it cool, being fashionably late, but it wasn't gonna happen. His yearning to see Dew again was so strong that he couldn't do it. He held back for a few seconds but then he was running, flying, faster than he'd ever moved before. His heart was beating out of his chest even though he didn't have a chest anymore, was just a disturbance in the air, a gust of wind.

What was it about the other boy that made him feel like this?

He meant to stop just a few steps away and say hello, but his feet were already carrying him forward. He could feel Dew's hair sliding against his cheek, feel the warmth of the smaller boy beneath his arms, against his chest. He was clinging to Dew like a lifeline, breathing in the scent of his neck, whatever conditioner he used. It smelled like home, like safety.

Like something he never wanted to be apart from again.

"Sorry, I--" He quickly stepped back, realizing he'd probably taken Dew by surprise. "I'm just." His cheeks were probably bright red. "Excited. To see you again." He couldn't stay apart. It felt cold, wrong, to not be touching.

"S-so, um." He stammered, trying to make small talk. "What's been going on? How've you been?" His fingers found their way to Dew's, tried to intertwine. "Anything big that kept you away, or..." He let the thought die out, contented himself in the white-hot intensity of body heat, the contact of fingertips.

They walked together. They were like anyone else, one couple in a crowd, nothing extraordinary to the naked eye. Dew's hair, their shared caucasian origins might have raised an eyebrow, but there were stranger things around. More eye-catching acts of teenage rebellion.

He pulled them to a food court, his stomach growling, and bought some kind of delicious-looking noodle stir-fry. He let Dew choose for himself but gently pushed the boy aside when he tried to pay, butting in and taking care of it with a deft touch, a manipulation of machinery. He carried their plates to one of the mall's typical low-budget plastic tables and sat down, started to dig in.

For a moment, that was enough. The mouthfuls of teriyaki or pad thai or whatever it was filled his mouth with delicious sensation while he looked at the boy across from him, tried not to smile too wide. It faded, though. The silence stopped being comfortable and started being expectant.

"A movie, though?" The first thing he'd said since he'd ordered his meal. "Don't you think that's a bit..." He searched for the word, moving his hand like he was trying to grab hold of it. "I mean, I always thought movies were for people who were just getting to know eachother, who were kind of afraid to spend time together alone." He looked at Dew, searching for what he hoped he'd find in the other boy's eyes. "We're past that, right?" He didn't want to think he'd overstepped his bounds.

"If you want to spend time with me, can't we do it somewhere nicer than a cinema?"

524/10 (17)

So, what were you supposed to do when your boyfriend came barreling out of nowhere to hug you? Well besides hug him back of course. That much was a given. But when you're trying to just look cool standing in front of a mall and waiting on someone, to have that someone come running a you definitely ruined the image. And still he couldn't stop smiling. couldn't stop worrying that something was going to go wrong to push them apart again. To make Colin run again. 
 
He had only just managed to swallow the emotions down when Colin started to speak. Breathless, cheery, just happy to be here. To be with him. Something that had to be genuine. The alternative was horrible. Though it didn't stop Dew from employing a clandestine pinch just to make sure at some point between getting here and waiting that he hadn't fallen asleep. 
 
But he couldn't tell the man what had been happening. Not all of it. He could mention the killing of hollows and the like. But that thing? That big thing that he'd learned? No, he had to keep Colin from that information, or all he was going to do was worry.
 
He could have made them look like any other couple in the mall. He could have colored their hair, given their skin a little bit of the right tone, messed with the way light bounced off the area around their eyes. But as soon as someone bumped into them, the spell would be broken, and they would look just as unique as they were on the inside. But why bother hiding in the first place? It certainly wasn't common to see two males walking hand in hand through the mall, but that small sliver based on how they looked told nothing of the demigods that lay beneath the surface. No, let the two of them stand out as they went about their business. They stood out just as much when one looked through different eyes.
 
Dew was halfway through his third meat bun when it was suggested that they go somewhere nicer than a cinema. Against his personal creed and desires, Colin had bought his meal again, so Dew would gorge himself so they didn't have to pay for movie food later. Or at least that had been the plan. The fullbringer was left frozen in the middle of biting through his meal as his mind quickly analyzed all the places they could go that were nicer than a cinema. The list was short.
 
"We could go to a theater. Watch an opera. The mountains and parks are pretty nice this time of year too. Uh, there's also a lot of nice candy shops that I've found around here. Or there's..."
 
He quickly scarfed down the rest of the meal, forcing a break in the conversation. Where else could they go? Well, there was that place. But, it was that place! The things people would think if-
 
No, better idea, just go to a normal one. Yeah, no one would think anything if they checked into somewhere like that. Just a couple of tourists with good japanese. It was foolproof. He just had to make sure he was the one to lead the way. He wouldn't even let himself think about that part of town, let alone get close to a street that went there.
 
"If you want somewhere nicer than a cinema, and only if the other places aren't alright! I mean, there's free movies, snacks, privacy. But, you couldn't possibly want to go to..."
 
Dammit Dew! Get to the point!
 
"...a hotel?"

___________________________________________________

Word Count: 594
Gp Gain: 11
Gp Total: 27

"Well, uh, I..." He trailed off, words failing him as he felt heat rushing to his cheeks. He hadn't thought about it that way, hadn't meant anything like that, and now he was blushing like a fucking fire hydrant at the thought of, um, things that he hadn't really contemplated. And now was. In graphic detail.

"Um."

With him.

"N-no!" He waved his hands frantically in the air. "I didn't mean that!" He couldn't trust his voice after it almost cracked on the final syllable, so he switched to his powers to speak, creating the sounds from the air. "I, I mean I did but--" That part of him, the spiritual side of his existence, proved more reliable than his treacherous organs. "Not really?? Kind of?!?"

He took a breath when he realized that his lips had stopped moving.

"I just... Every time we've been together, we haven't really been together, y'know? There's always been something. Whether it's your dad about to walk in, the crowds of people on the street, those other people in the restaurant..." He smiled at Dew hopefully, reaching out to grab the boy's hand from across the table. "I want to spend some time with you, y'know? Just you." He laughed at himself a little. "Another crowd of people just seems like a buzzkill."

He got up from the table, clearing off his tray into the garbage disposal. He wasn't quite done, but he didn't think he could eat another bite right now anyway. His stomach was in knots, just from thinking about Dew looking at him. Just the awareness of the other boy's eyes on the back of his head.

"I was... kind of thinking about going to a hotel, but only because I live there. There's privacy, and I mean I think you live with your dad and your cat or whatever, right? I... don't really have a permanent place I live, I just kind of move around." There, it had gotten out of his mouth without the sky falling down. "I mean, if that's okay? It'd just be us, and, we can still watch a movie if you want. The room I'm in right now has a pretty good TV."

It probably wasn't the best suggestion for a date. His room couldn't match an opera, wasn't as exciting as the latest Hollywood blockbuster, but the more he thought about it the more he couldn't think of anywhere he'd rather be. There were probably dirty clothes on the floor or something, he was trying to think back to how he'd left the place, but he didn't care. He'd kick them out of the way if he had to. It'd be fine, as long as it was just the two of them.

He'd be fine, as long as they were together.

467/9 (26)

He just really hadn't thought about it before, not since that first time. When he was with Dew, he was focused on the other boy's smile, the way his skin felt, the warmth of another's lips against his own. He didn't need more than that. He was grateful to even have that, impossibly grateful not to be alone. It was enough to know that there was someone out there that cared about him, that knew who he was. He could take comfort from it, draw strength from Dew in a way that trumped anything physical. It was embarrassing and empowering at the same time.

It was enough. He didn't need anything else to feel loved. But here it was, sneaking its way into his mind through a chance comment and sticking around. A hotel. He hadn't even thought saying it like that, the implications that followed, it was just where he lived? And now Dew was following him. 'Lead the way', he said. What was he expecting?

These kinds of things flew through Colin's mind as he walked the short distance to his room of choice for the week, just a handful of blocks east from where Dew had chosen to meet. He'd opened his mouth once or twice to try to break the tension he felt, but the words died in his throat. He thought better of it, stunned into silence by the fingers tightly wound between his own.

He didn't know what he was doing.

Sometimes he did. Sometimes it was obvious, words flashing into his mind that just felt suddenly right, but wherever those words came from they weren't here now. He'd been prepared for a lot of things by this life. Fighting monsters? Dealing with pain, with loss, seeing more evil than he had known existed in the world? He'd come through that. It'd been rough, but he was on top of it and wouldn't repeat his own mistakes. Dealing with people, though? Dealing with someone you think loves you, but from moment you moment you just can't quite figure out?

God, his heart was beating fast. Other parts of his anatomy were doing things he was even less equipped to deal with, that he hoped weren't too noticeable. He strolled through the hotel lobby quickly, dragging Dew past any staff members that may have wished to drag him down with unwanted greetings, complimentary small-talk. At least in the elevator they were alone.

After a second or two, he wasn't sure whether this was better or worse.

It was just the sounds of their breath, the faint whirring of the machine driving them upward. "I'm on the seventh floor," he said, just to say something, even though the glowing button, the bright numeral on the screen on top of the door, made it more than obvious.

He had a card somewhere, probably, maybe back in yesterday's clothes. He'd left by the window, hadn't he? Maybe it was still there. Maybe he should have come back that way, instead of standing here like an idiot. After fumbling through his pockets with shaking hands and coming up empty, he let a drop of liquid metal flow out to his fingertip, interface with the electronics of the lock. It opened, revealing a dingy room.

It might have been better-looking a day or two ago, but he'd been there too long, started forming bad habits. The curtains were drawn, keeping it mostly dark. The only light that filtered through was grey and dim. The bed was unmade, sheets and blankets generally thrashed around, with at least two days worth of clothes on the floor, mostly beside it.

It wasn't very big, just enough room for two people if they were comfortable being close. The bed had a table with a clock and a lamp on one side, a chair and a window by the other. There was, as advertised, a mid-sized flatscreen TV mounted on the wall at the end of the bed, hung above a small dresser. Two narrow doors led to a tiny bathroom and an area that barely qualified as a kitchen, basically just a hot-plate and a sink, with a mini-fridge in the corner. Several instant noodle cups were stacked on the counter, both empty and full.

He tried to get into the room ahead of Dew, hoping to clean up the worst of it, but the damage was probably done. His foot shoved some clothes under the bed while he hurriedly yanked the comforter over it and sat down on top, looking back at Dew and hopefully grinning, though he kind of ruined the effect when he smacked his forehead with his palm.

"S-sorry, I..." He trailed off, remembering the pressure under his belt, and crossed his legs to try to prevent an awkward sight. "I, um, I guess I should have remembered I left it like this, or..." Dew was beautiful, standing in the doorway. He'd always been beautiful to Colin, even after he'd found out Dew wasn't the girl he'd looked like at first. Something about his face, the delicateness of his skin, made Colin look past his preconceptions.

"Maybe I should have just gotten a room somewhere nicer."

After that first moment of indecision over a year ago, he'd decided it didn't matter. Dew looked the same to him, made him feel the same way. The abstract knowledge of his gender shouldn't change that, right? It hadn't, up until now.

"S-so, do you want to sit down, or...?"

It might not be abstract any longer, though. Visions of things he'd tried to keep out of his mind were running rampant. Dew's... parts. His own. What they'd do with them. In all sorts of. Poses. And combinations.

He tried to keep those thoughts out of his mind as he patted the mattress next to him, moved his head to indicate the chair, giving Dew his choice of intimacy. His face wasn't that red, he hoped. He forced himself to maintain eye contact, trying to get through this head-on instead of admitting how embarrassed he felt. It was his room, after all. He'd invited Dew inside. He couldn't just hide away.

He wondered if Dew was that pale everywhere.

1035/20 (46)

Dew's words chilled him, even if they weren't meant to. He kind of clenched up, even more than he had been. He felt like he needed to hide, like he was suddenly transparent, like Dew was seeing more things than Colin meant for him to see, more than the face he put forth to the world. He had no control over it anymore. He didn't know what Dew was seeing so he couldn't change it, couldn't lie even if he wanted to, because Dew would see right through it.

Pieces of his life were on display, and he'd never felt so vulnerable.

He felt another presence sit down next to him, and he didn't know why he'd done this. It seemed like such a good idea out there, in the air, full of confidence. Everything would be better with just the two of them, wouldn't it? Nothing to interrupt. No barrier to hide behind if things got uncomfortable, no excuses to make. Yeah, that would be just great.

He was so stupid sometimes.

He didn't even say anything, just kept staring straight ahead, but his breath sped up. It felt like Dew was sitting in judgement, like the hammer could come down at any time. He didn't know why the other boy had followed him home, why anyone would follow him, let alone stick around at all. He wasn't special. He couldn't see it from the other side, didn't understand why Dew or anyone else would pay attention to him. When it happened, he felt blessed, but it never made any more sense.

"Yeah, sorry," he chuckled, trying to hide his nervousness. He couldn't keep silent for long. "I didn't really go out expecting you to invite you back here. Maybe next time I'll get something bigger." He grinned, feeling more confident now that he was talking. "Maybe I'll spring for a penthouse. You know, windows everywhere, like half a dozen couches. A bathtub big enough for--" He cut himself off, snuck a glance at Dew and stared resolutely forward after that.

"Big. A big bathtub."

He swore he could feel Dew's body heat. They weren't touching, but were close enough that it was radiating off him in that enclosed space. They really weren't far apart. Maybe he was imagining it. Maybe it was just some weird side effect of his powers again, his brain processing Dew's spiritual strength in some other way, he didn't know. He just knew that Dew's interruption, an excuse to move, was welcome.

"Oh, it's just--" He was halfway through reaching for the remote--it was on top of his alarm clock, next to a Dualshock 3--before the rest of Dew's words caught up to him. He was caught, kind of trapped there, the pressure against his jeans intensifying now that his attention had been brought back to it. He didn't know if moving, continuing to lean over, would make it more visible.

He just went for it. He had to, right? Couldn't just sit there all twisted up, leaning over, make Dew get the remote even though it was right there because he didn't want to move. He did, though he could swear he felt something shifting position. When he moved back to where he'd been before, he resolved to just... ignore it. Ignore all sensations below the waist, above the knees. They were here to watch a movie, right? To be alone together and, he didn't know... talk, play video games, whatever. Things people did when they weren't doing... that.

Right?

"You're not... trying to make a move on me, right?" He chuckled nervously, framed it like a joke, but he didn't know. He really really really didn't know. "I mean I think you know why... I was sitting like that." His eyes flickered down to the bulge in his jeans and then back up again, gulping, trying to keep his voice steady. "I just didn't want to make it obvious."

He looked at Dew, fully, for the first time since they'd got here. He couldn't see anything but Dew's eyes, all uncomfortable physical sensations forgotten. He felt warm and happy; loved and remembered, like he wasn't alone.

He got lost in those eyes.

"I mean, you know I think you're beautiful?"

708/14 (60)

It felt like he was caught in a thousand spotlights. Dew's gaze was looking... down... at a place he hadn't looked before, where no one had looked in a while. He felt pinned to the bed, like he was slowly being dissected. He couldn't move even if he tried.

The silence was total, the stillness complete. He didn't even think to cover up. Not then, not when Dew started making a few sputtering sounds, not even after that, when the other boy leaned over him (and oh, did parts of him tense up at that) to grab the pillow.

After that, though?

"Oh no you don't!" His voice was swift and sure, challenging, and his actions matched his tone. He reached over to Dew and grabbed the pillow, ignoring the rest of what the boy said as the awkward sputterings of someone whose thoughts had just travelled down the same paths his had been for the last fifteen minutes or so. Surely he hadn't just told Colin to go jack off in the bathroom?

"If I have to suffer like this, so do you." His hands brushed against the warm flesh of Dew's thigh while he got a grip, yanked the impromptu vision-shield away, but he didn't have time to focus on that. "No hiding from eachother, remember?" He was too busy focusing on the expanse of black denim revealed when he threw the pillow back where it belonged, looking to at least share his embarrassment. "It goes both ways, you know!"

But there was nothing there?

It was smooth, uninterrupted, just like it probably would have looked any other day. N-not that Colin had looked, w-was in the habit of checking out his boyfriend's crotch, but--

He looked up, back into Dew's eyes, and he probably should have been looking there all along but he was too shocked to be embarrassed by it, too taken aback. He was acutely aware of being judged, being a disappointment to the person next to him. He'd never thought of himself as pretty or handsome, never thought of himself anything special until the world changed him and set him apart.

He guessed this was proof that he was ordinary.

"Um." His heart was sinking. "Sorry, I..." Any blood that was in his face had drained from it, leaving him feeling horrible. "I guess you don't look at me that way, huh?" It was the obvious, but somehow it still needed stating.

"Why did you even... did you just want a friend?"

He moved further away from Dew on the bed and stared at the wall, trying to pretend that tears weren't forming.

439/8 (68)

”No!”

Dew didn’t think twice about shouting that. Not about closing the distance between them. Not about grabbing hold of Colin. Not even about what was about to be said next. What was about to be done next. Dew squeezed Colin and kissed his cheek, so annoyed at the current situation. This wasn’t what either of them wanted to happen, but colin had been right. No hiding anything. And Dew had to clear up this misconception somehow. And then promptly get locked in the bathroom out of embarrassment or what was about to happen.

“It’s, it’s not like that. Though it is my fault. I guess I never questioned anything. Just assumed it was the people around me being weird rather than anything I’d done.”

Dew took several deep breaths, then let go and stood. Fingers hovered at the silver belt buckle before finally removing it, and the belts attached, and setting them on the bed. Each heartbeat throbbed in Dew’s ears, but this had to be corrected. Colin had to know, as strange as this was to acknowledge. As cold as it was with denim pooled on the floor. As burning hot as normally pale skin now felt. At least the parts under cotton felt normal. If weirdly vacant now that Dew was aware something was supposed to be there.

“Colin, I don’t think I can literally, physically feel what you feel. I guess I’m the weird one?”

Dew really should have paid more attention in biology. Because now the fullbringer wasn't sure of anything. How Colin was acting, how he felt? Was that common to men? And yet Dew had never felt that way. Could never feel that way. And would never feel that way. What was that supposed to mean? That Dew had been lied to? For twenty years, idea after idea about the world had been set up as truth, only to be knocked down.
 
Monsters don't exist.
 
I am not a monster.
 
Nothing stronger than him can exist.
 
I am male.
 
"Sorry to dissapoint."
 
And then there was a flash of green light and a slamming of the bathroom door.
 
"I'll just be in here until I'm not too weird to date you anymore."

___________________________________________________

Word Count: 363
Gp Gain: 7
Gp Total: 67

His illusions were shattered.

With the feather-light touch of lips on his cheek he was taken away from the place of sorrow he thought he'd found himself, jolted out of cold and into warmth. He didn't understand, yet. He didn't know what other conclusion there could be, just that the one he'd jumped to was somehow wrong.

He was thankful for that.

He was being held and kissed, loved and touched, and then words were being spoken. He was paying rapt attention, staring into Dew's eyes, even though it wasn't the words themselves that mattered. He could have been saying anything; as long as it was something that made sense, it would be fine. He was being contradicted, being given more than some conciliatory apology. That's what mattered.

And then Dew's pants were on the floor.

And he was looking at the spot where the thing he expected to see was supposed to be, and it wasn't. And just, what? It was smooth. Not really smooth, but just. What? He knew what that was. He'd seen it before. Even in the flesh, once or twice, and those were good memories, but what?

It was on his boyfriend.

"Hold on."

But he didn't hold on, he was running already, disappearing in a green light and gone, leaving Colin with only memories. Wow, what memories, though. His brain was spinning fast.

"Just..."

He didn't know what to say. The word stood there, loud enough for Dew to hear, but meaningless alone. He was busy thinking. All the time they'd spent together, even that first confusion he didn't actually get wrong, did this matter?

He felt a lot of things. Shock, betrayal, but they were very small. Relief, kind of, because he was really kind of freaking out about being on the giving end of a hand job or blow job or wherever this was going. Satisfaction, curiosity, because this gave as many answers as it asked questions.

Arousal. A whole hell of a lot of that.

Mainly, though, it was just contentment. He was where he'd been before, a few seconds ago, before he'd torn that pillow away. On more familiar ground, when he thought about it. There was a person he loved here. There was a person who loved him, as strange and magical as that sounded. It was true, even though he could find no reason for it. It was precious.

Why would he let this get in its way?

He got up off the bed. He didn't know how much time had passed, had kind of gotten lost in his head, but he still heard Dew breathing there. Hopefully the boy... the girl? Dew. Hadn't been waiting too long for an answer.

He didn't make a sound, not more than the ordinary sounds of foot against fabric, breathing in and out in a close space. He thought about knocking, talking through wood, trying to beg him to come out, but that didn't sound right. Too domestic. They weren't like that, were they? Weren't normal people with normal problems.

And acting with that kind of uncertainty in his voice didn't seem right at all.

Instead, he burst apart. His form became a grey mist cloud, started swarming between the cracks in the doorframe, being sucked inward. It reformed on the other side. He reformed on the other side and stood there, just inside the door, staring.

"Why would you think this mattered?"

He gave Dew his space, didn't close the distance. He was staring, but not with any real kind of emotion. Just with a quiet curiosity, a rock-solid strength.

"I mean, I can get that you never really found a good time, but..." His composure broke, laughing a little. "I mean, we've been through so much worse shit, right? This is stupid." He walked forward, breaking the tension between them like it wasn't even there.

"You don't have to hide away from me." Even if Dew wanted to, he couldn't. "When you're scared, you can just tell me. I'll be here." Colin was faster, stronger, and wouldn't let him get away.

"I'm not going anywhere."

He didn't stop until they were touching, their faces inches from each other. He could feel Dew's breath, warm against his face, and hear the beating of his heart. He reached down and pressed his hand against what Dew had kept so carefully hidden, cupping it through a thin layer of cotton.

Feeling how warm that was.

"Why would this change anything?"

He looked back into Dew's eyes and didn't look embarrassed or ashamed, didn't look away as he would have done before. This was another one of those moments when the words just came. When he felt strong.

He moved his hand away, but not the rest of him. He just stood there, in Dew's space. There, not leaving, not running away. Sturdy. Reliable. The anchor Dew needed, maybe the anchor he always should have been but couldn't be because he hadn't healed enough, wasn't anywhere near whole enough until now.

But he was here now.

"I love you, okay?"

He'd try to always be.

851/17 (85)

He thought he'd got a handle on what was going on. He'd... she'd been keeping a secret, for whatever reason. It didn't matter why, there was something there but he'd find out later, and she'd been afraid to tell him. She didn't know if he'd run away or not, if she'd ruin the connection between them through the truth of who she was. That made sense. That much, at least.

He'd be there for her, strong and constant in ways he couldn't be before, convince her everything was okay again and would stay that way, that she wouldn't have to hide. Not from him. It was simple, he could do that. He didn't want her to be afraid of anything with him.

Their relationship shouldn't be one-sided.

That wasn't it, though. He'd got parts of it wrong. She started talking and her words threw his conceptions away, opened more questions, made him laugh despite himself. "Hold on, what?" He was laughing and he really, really shouldn't be but he really couldn't stop. "You mean you didn't even--what? Did you sleep through sex-ed or something?" His voice grew quiet, the laughter trailing off. "You really didn't know?" He looked into Dew's eyes, and he didn't know what he was looking for. "All this time?"

"What a head-trip."

"So, hold on, what... What are... Should I call you my boyfriend or..." He caught Dew's eyes and she reminded him of a rabbit, something lost and scared and alone, and he caught himself. "Not now. Right, sorry." He was trying to convince both of them to wait, that it was fine to deal with everything later. Maybe it'd be easier if he told himself out loud.

"I'm sorry if..." He looked down at where his hand had been, where she was still exposed. "If that was too much. I just." It felt like he was still touching her there and he had to close his eyes, breathe in for a second. "I thought it'd let you know I was serious, that's all." He left the room swiftly, and tried to maintain more of a distance between them after that.

Over by the TV, he looked for the remote for a while but couldn't find it. It was hard to look, anyway. To concentrate. Dew's pants were on the floor, and then not on the floor, being picked up. Sliding over pale legs.

Hard to concentrate.

He found something else, instead, and started grinning.

"I stand by what I said before, you know. Movies are lame." He held it out to her, picked the other one off his alarm clock for himself. "We'd just keep thinking about it if we were just watching something. It doesn't take that much of your attention." He leaned down, flicked the power button.

"Video games, though."

He grinned at Dew way too smugly as he scooped up the remote from the bed and hit a few buttons, the console's logo appearing on the screen.

"You ever played Tekken?"

500/10 (95)

It wasn't that fun, because Dew didn't really know what she was doing, but it was a good start. After that, there were other games. Colin quickly learned to stay away from the competitive ones because of how fast his fingers were moving; faster by far than Dew could match, almost faster than the tolerance of the machine. He could slow himself down, but she knew he was letting her win. It wasn't the same.

There were other games, though. Sometimes they were on the same team, other times he just handed her the controller and let her revel in some of the experiences of his youth, some new things he hadn't seen before. He could buy pretty much anything he wanted, and after exhausting his meagre library they took a stroll through the store, hit 'Buy' on anything that looked interesting.

Some of it was shit, some of it was great, but their time together was golden.

Eventually, though, slower than it would have happened if they were just watching a movie but eventually, his gaze slid away from the screen and back to her. She really was beautiful. More so now that he was looking at her the way she was supposed to be, not through the gaze of imagined masculinity.

He felt really lucky, suddenly.

She caught him staring after a while, met his gaze with a questioning look, and he just kind of looked away with an embarrassed smile. The words were there, at the tips of his lips. They'd been there for hours, but he'd kept them hidden. She'd needed time, distractions, space to think.

But she'd had that, hadn't she?

"So, um." Oh shit. Now that his mouth was open it felt like jumping into a river, that feeling you get when you're flying through the air. Exhilarating, wonderful, but there's no going back.

"Does that mean you've never, you know." His gaze flicked down. "Done anything?" Eye contact was hard, just now. His cheeks were probably glowing red, but he was still forging on. The mask of confidence he had back then, back in the bathroom, was gone. He was secure about some things, but not about himself.

"We can, you know."

Exposing himself.

"If you want to."

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