White Fire [private]

The forces of fate that dictated his life was something that Jian never ceased to consider. The more he learned about the world, the less his chance encounters felt like chance and the more everything seemed to have a guiding hand to it. It was the only way that he could really understand some of the twists and turns his life, no amount of happenstance could explain it all.

Now that he'd had a chance to get used to his new form he was ready, or at least getting there, for what was about to happen. But there was only so much that Takua could teach him and much that he'd have to discover on his own. That was what had brought him here, to the Soul Society to make sure that he could make the trip. A thrust of his blade, the twist of it as the key to another world and he'd managed to do it.

He stepped through the boundary between his world and the next. How long had he dreamed of that power? How many nights had he spent wondering what it would be like if he could pass between that boundary freely? Would the Shinigami ignore him now that he wore their uniform? Now that he wielded a Zanpakuto and a power that rivaled all but the very strongest of their ranks?

He'd emerged somewhere in the Rukongai and considered it a successful test run assuring that he'd be able to be there when it all went to hell. It was different than the last time, he drew a breath and felt it richer than it did now when he did it on Earth. He could feel the pulsing dense pure spirituality of the very world around him for a moment he let it wash over him. There were eyes on him, a few people staring at the Shinigami who unusually appeared out of nowhere. He smiled coyly and considered greeting them, taking a rare opportunity to get to understand this place on a personal level.

He forgot how to breathe. A sudden tightness in his chest took his remaining breath away. He felt sick. He stumbled forward a half step, staggered and his hand found support against the weathered frame of someone's home. It couldn't be, not now, not like this.

Once more fate dealt him an impossibility.

He knew at once he would go to her, even as logic ruled that the last thing he needed was another trip around. He could never resist that inexorable pull he felt. He simply had to know. Where had she been? Why had she disappeared? He lost her once, and just when he felt he had her back she simply vanished. Nothing could stop him from taking the chance he might have answers, Hogoshi's voice was utterly silenced in his mind.

He muted and controlled his presence as he made his approach, worried that perhaps she might disappear once more if she detected him. It didn't take long for him to make it to her home. She'd spoken of this place before, had mentioned it more than once such that he felt he'd been there himself. He stood in front of the ruins, black robes dressed around his body prim and proper. With the Zanpakuto at his hip he was the very picture of the Shinigami.

She'd have heard his final approach, and with it his control faded just enough for his presence to make itself more obvious. With a mounting anticipation tinged with anxiety he wondered once more with what eyes would she look at him now? Was it as he feared when she disappeared, when he fruitlessly searched for her in the following months, had she forgotten him? A hundred million questions swirled about just behind his lips, but none of them found his voice. Instead:

"Seryu?" It came out just above a whisper.

650/650

Sereitei is our home now, as it always should have been, Ashura spoke.

Seryu shivered. She could hear the disappointment in the spirit’s voice, it violated her honor. The zanpakuto was not quite as free-spirited as the girl had been in her entire life. Ashura was born to serve--that’s why she was someone’s sword after all--but this was not what she had asked for. Granted, the demoness was in no position to speak against the will of her mistress, however, Seryu could not force the woman to give her anything she wanted either. They had had this conversation a long time ago and the memories of it returned when Seryu stepped into the ashes of her past.

Nagisa..

Seryu would have to start looking for her soon. The Vaizard was, perhaps, not very fond of the white-haired girl anymore but she would have to try either way. Mistakes were made and they were not quite out of this world yet. She decided that pretending it had ‘never happened’ was against everything she believed in--ironic and hypocritical as she would later turn out to be--and that confrontation was necessary. Slowly and with great care, the girl would remove the dark spots in her life - methodically, one after another. Words she had said to Takua once upon a time came back to her now.

No more tears, it’s a promise.

Strangely enough some those ghosts of the past were almost too stubborn to be handled and she believed that this was what many considered to be the ‘irony of life’. She wanted to laugh at everything. His eerie presence rebirthed the memories that had slipped away from her when she decided to leave all of it behind. They returned at once and Seryu almost suffocated.

The Shinigami should not have looked.

A few moments of time were necessary for her to come in terms with what she saw.

No.

The weaker persona inside her, the one she had worked so hard on locking away, wanted to scream. She wanted to scream and cry at what she saw, she wanted to deny everything, she even wanted to ask him who had done this so she could tear that person into a million dead pieces, she wanted to unmake it right then and there - but it wasn’t possible.

A person could not bring the dead back to life, even less if they had stopped caring about them. And Seryu had spent countless months forcing herself to stop caring about that man, now was the time to find out if her hard work had come to fruition.

Strange how things could change, mh?

Seryu was so very close to breaking. He stood there, handsome as ever, warm eyes, healthy and even a little silly with his Shihakusho and sword by his side, and that painfully familiar dumb look on his face. He said her name quietly and the feelings she once had for him almost broke out of their prison.

Careful, she had to be careful.

She’d abandoned him, he’d died - and now he was here. He was here in spite of her sacrificing the idea of a life with him, he was here in spite of her leaving him behind knowing it would save his life, knowing that being with her was no good for him. And that being with him was no good for her.

And that little piece of shit had somehow managed to get here anyways.

With the returning of her memories of Erasmus’ torture Seryu decided that she could not do it. They had to stop pretending like they could ever love and be with each other in the way they wanted to and up until now Seryu had never doubted that.

And there he was, wearing the fucking Shinigami uniform--and even a freaking sword--in plain sight. Are you saying that I went through all of this for absolutely nothing?! She wanted to scream even louder now.

Hope .

Out of all the possibilities it was hope that now crept up on her and Seryu was already fighting a war against it. She almost wanted to kill herself. Minutes after her return to the Soul Society she’d crossed paths with Jian who made all the time she’d spent in solitude seem in vain.

For fucks sake.

There is no hope for us, she screamed innerly. There never will be. Play it off, you have to play it off, Ashura pressured and she knew just how right her sword was. Seryu Akamine managed to crack a smile.


“Well done,” she said, trying her hardest not to make it sound sarcastic. Well fucking done ruining my life in the same minute you started existing in it again. This has to be some sort of world record. “Allow me to perfect it a little, will you?” She closed the distance between them, smiling meekly throughout the whole process and a small hand touched the sash around his hip. Seryu fiddled around with it for a good moment before finally presenting him a much better way to wear it.

Well, not that much better, but she was a perfectionist.

“Too tight,” Seryu’s voice couldn’t have been any sweeter, “You might cut yourself. One strand has to remain loose, the rain-guard will keep it from slipping away. This is one of the first things the academy will teach you when it comes to practice.”

[900]

She knew who he was, he knew that the moment her eyes found his. He'd lost her once, and spent months trying to find her wondering if she'd forgotten him again, if she'd been killed or lost. Nobody had any sign of her, nobody seen hide nor hair of her. He'd tore up the living world, run down his Shinigami contacts and there was nothing. She'd vanished, up into the very air and like that bam, Seryu was gone from his life.

They were never perfect, but that had been a significant part of their love. That struggle to persist to be together in spite of all of the games that they kept playing. She'd changed him in entirely irreversible ways, had been there for him through the hardest times. Sometimes he'd lose sight of why they'd continued to struggle so bad, against a universe that was clearly telling them what an awful idea it was to persist and then he'd be with her again and it was bizarre that he'd ever question it. There was an undeniable thread of truth to their relationship together, something beautiful that he could hardly explain. Bad for each other? Almost certainly.

Love was a terribly complicated thing.

And he'd lost it, in the months to follow he'd moved on, or so he wanted to believe. Instead, he found a scapegoat for his lack of closure, and the explosive finale of that was far less than he deserved for it. All of it for her, the woman who simply vanished, winding up in a place she might have believed he couldn't possibly have found her. The woman who looked upon him now with such a plain expression it made his chest ache.

He wanted her to show something! Surprise, sadness, anger, fear! He couldn't find it in him to hope for joy. There was almost nothing on her face and it made him want to scream. He deserved that at the very least! She remembered him? So!? Why hadn't he seen her for months? Why was there nothing there!?

She smiled, sly almost, perhaps forced. A line that almost sounded sarcastic, venom he wondered if he imagined behind it. He could almost feel the dam break and considered leaving but then there she was, striding up towards him. A slight fidget, a minor flinch and there she was hands on his robes, fussing with his sash like she'd done before when they were together, a whole other lifetime for the both of him. He could feel Hogoshi's presence now, it filtered through the cracks her proximity opened and now he could feel the real emotions the burned away inside.

He'd never had a chance to grieve, not knowing if she was dead or alive. He wanted to believe she'd simply forgotten, that she was happy living some life outside of their mess of a love. To know that she was alive, in spite of everything else. That fear based tension that had coiled around his heart was unravelling violently and he felt himself swept by the tide. Hogoshi's calming voice allowed him to weather it.

The saccharine tone caught him off guard, too sweet for her in a situation like this, he couldn't believe that she would be that indifferent. "What is i-" a hand had moved towards her but stopped as he caught sight of the very uniform that she fussed with. The Academy? How might it seem to her now, to see him like this? He smiled, a bit forced and looked back to her. "I don't think they've relaxed standards enough to start training mortals just yet."

"A lot has happened since you've been gone, it's a long story, I'm sure you have one of your own. But I'm not dead. Least, as far as I can tell, my body remains whole, on Earth waiting for me to return to it." His hand closed the distance, brushed along her arm gently before pulling back quickly. A familiar gesture that he lapsed into without thinking.

"I came here to see if I was able to travel like the Shinigami, then I felt your presence..and..." He shook his head, some of the fire came back. His voice was calm but there was a swirl of emotions in his chest trying to break free with each word. "You left, Seryu. I thought you forgot about me, or you were dead and here you stand and I know it was neither. For the life of me, I can't figure it out. Why did you leave?"

That was all he wanted here, an answer to put to bed months of panic, worry and endless idle speculation. Part of him vainly hoping that there was something more than her making a choice to be away from him but not even if he got that he wasn't sure what it'd mean to him. Was the only thing left the long-delayed goodbye?

"Where were you all this time?"

830/1480

“There’s always a lot happening in this world,” she whispered, barely loud enough for him to hear. Seryu’s internal struggle was still happening, it tired her out and she feared that eventually she would not be able to hold up the fake smile she wore. Months in the desert of Hueco Mundo had weakened her physically--not necessarily mentally--but the latter was affected as well and Jian’s mere presence left a strong impact on the woman’s psyche. She had absolutely not, under any circumstances, expected to meet the man (at least not so soon) and she was still in the process of handling his sudden arrival. A little more small talk was necessary for her to distract herself, but Jian was playing no more games with her-

I am not dead.

The only words that ever mattered to her and he said them.

Seryu’s every movement froze. Careful, she reminded herself with greater intensity this time, the single hand she had left clawed itself into the remains of her Shihakusho. I can’t fall again, it was too dangerous to even think about. She had to lie to herself and granted that was a much easier task than lying to Jian. She wondered just how much he really knew about her--she could only hope it was enough for him to realize that she was struggling with something--but Seryu did not have it in here to ask for more. She wasn’t going to drag him on another trip around the world, this time she had to go alone.

Furthermore, her human seemed to be doing perfectly fine. He looked healthy, rosy cheeks and although she had no explanation for the Shinigami uniform (she was dying to find out what in the world had made him put that on) she wasn’t going to question it. Forcing back so many emotions at once was a ridiculous task for a girl like Seryu. She had always been overly emotional after all.

Overcome by joy, she pressed her lips tightly together in an attempt not to reveal an honest, genuine smile--it would speak more than a thousand words to him, that much she knew. She wanted to scream again and she had to hold herself back in many more ways than one. He lives and that is all that matters.

Somehow, Seryu’s sharp features remained indifferent. She couldn’t say the same about her eyes, however. They were already crying, even without tears.

Remember, you don’t care about him. You’ve stopped caring a long time ago.

She repeated those words over and over again, like some sort of mechanism to remind her just how careful she had to be. A wrong move, a wrong word, a sudden change in her eyes and perhaps even something Jian did - all of it could be fatal.

Seryu had always been an unfortunate girl, unlucky and cursed and it became absolutely ironic when the person who made her weak approached her just when she thought she had finally overcome her struggles somewhat. Perhaps I should have asked for his death instead, it was an ugly thing to think, she knew that and she also knew that thinking it was all she could do. Months ago she would have taken a million bullets for him if she had to, he deserved to live because of what he was--unlike her who had already wasted so many years on nothing.

Live and see a little bit more of the world. Stop fighting the things you can’t fight. Seryu had told him that, but Jian never listened.

She’d avoided eye-contact up until now. His hand brushed against her arm, a small gesture showing affection and the Shinigami pulled back immediately, until her eyes found his, screaming the words her mouth could not speak out loud: help me.

She sighed, a poor attempt at faking annoyance. “You came to see me, you always do,” she said and Seryu was genuinely happy about that. “If I could just forget about you there would be no reason for me to disappear,” she regretted being so honest with him immediately, that line gave away more than she wanted to. “Quiet, please. I can’t tell you any of that. I would if I could but we can’t take this risk,-” She pressed her index-finger against her lips and shook her head. “Something..something is happening--I don’t know what. Or why. My king-” fuck, she corrected herself immediately, “The king of Las Noches.. He is up to something. And it’s no good,” once again Seryu was late in realizing that those last words of hers would tell him more than she wanted to tell him.

Truth be told, a part of her prayed that Jian understood and that none of this would wake up the hollow that still slept inside her. She reached out to him, her small hand gently caressed his cheek only to find that it was still warm and soft as ever. Quite squishy as well. The limb moved downwards and now her palm pressed against his chest. White reiatsu flared on her end and a human heartbeat, albeit strange and somewhat artificial in this body, could be felt. “If I would ask you to leave the Soul Society and return to the mortal world would you listen?”

[888]

That's no excuse, that's what he wanted to yell at her. All the anger and frustration in his gut turned and it was like the world went with it. He stopped himself only barely and pushed onward. The signs were there, the hints that lurked behind the mask he knew better than to pretend she wasn't wearing.

He said the words, and like a spell the effect was immediate. She tried to hide it, but to him the difference was as plain as day. She remembered him but more importantly she cared and just like that everything righted itself. He breathed and closed his eyes and an easy smile passed his lips and for a moment he looked to the alien sky of that foreign world and felt at peace. He reigned in his expression, a smile still lurking there in his expressions and looked once to more. He remembered the feeling he had now, the way that no matter how bad it seemed the moment he was together with her it was like none of it mattered.

Her joy was clear, but the fact she obscured it left the question entirely unanswered and that was the worm in the apple of this reunion, because while there was joy in knowing that she cared what really mattered was that she was alright. In reality, knowing she cared narrow down the outcomes where she was okay to almost none.

When she touched her arm she reacted, nearly bolted away from them but in that she made a mistake. Their eyes met and he saw the message plain in them that she'd been afraid to speak. She needed help, and she wanted to rely upon anyone but him for it. It ached, to realize that she had managed to convince herself to leave for his sake, but right then that was what he truly believed. The mask drew back on, an annoyed sigh that caused him to smile brightly in relief, his Seryu was here before him, nothing was as it was but it would be fun to pretend for a moment.

"Well you stopped returning my calls, so I figured I'd come here this time." Her follow-up statement stung, a starkly painful twist of a knife that made him question if it was truly for his sake that she'd left. She was unguarded, vulnerable, and the next bit flew freely from her lips, a slip of the tongue that he questioned whether or not it had been accidental. Her king? Dark thoughts formed in the back of his mind, and he watched for signs of confirmation closely. Did she want to let him in and the slip ups were merely the safest way for her to do so? Or was once more the hooks worming their way inside? It would have been so much easier if she hated him.

Goosebumps rippled out from her touch, along his neck and down. His breathing faltered. When she touched his chest his heart skipped a beat, skin flushed ever slightly. He drew a steadying breath and reminded himself about what it all meant. "The King's intentions are known, Seireitei has been warned and are preparing for whatever it is he's going to end up doing." His tone was matter of fact, a stark effort to keep himself level. He swallowed once, watching her, glancing towards her hand.

"I intend to, return home that is. I didn't think I would be here long, only you..." He closed his eyes for a moment. "Seryu, I know. About everything. I know what's been done to you, I know what the king did. The scars...the Hollow." He let it hang in the air between them as he watched her.

"Were you scared you would hurt me?" He tried to help, as if providing her with the answer would help it along. He let out a resigned breath, "If you want me to leave, I will, but please. Just tell me why you left, why you want to forget me. At the very least you owe me the end to any more sleepless nights spent wondering."

689/2169

Seryu Akamine should not have looked. Never again into the eyes of that man, soft, warm orbs, light blue almost like her own--but not quite as intense. Her gaze ran after his, refusing to let go while desperately trying to deliver the message that might save both of them, it was almost as if they embraced each other in that mess of whirled up emotions that their love had become. Lips moved, but no words came out. I know it’s no excuse, she cried out innerly, already inwardly torn, I know it’s no excuse but I don’t know what else to tell you! I’m scared--please understand!

Her courage had disintegrated.

She knew at an instance that he understood every line she couldn’t speak, and yet again it gave her hope. He’s stronger now, perhaps he could do something about the situation, maybe things would be different now. Seryu shoved those foreign thoughts away, they weren’t hers and she knew it. They did not belong in her head, just like that creature did not belong into her body. She was doing a miserable job at keeping it away.

“If the Sereitei knows,” she paused, looked around but there was no one to be found but them, “It’s good, everyone should be prepared.” She wanted to say more, unnecessarily expand this topic but there was no way she could think of anything else. Seryu didn’t even want to be here in first place, she had only come because Obsession was too strong.

Instead, she kept repeating lines over and over again to remind herself of all those things she did not need, I’m much better off on my own. I need to return to my division and eventually claim the haori that should have been mine-- and would have been hers if she didn’t run away.

You’re nothing but a bad memory, Jian. I’ll just forget about you again.


He, who made her life spin into all kinds of directions simply by existing, spoke but a few words and she could feel how they reinvigorated something purely evil inside of her. Something she had locked away after her dream, something she had put into chains and imprisoned months ago and in spite of her hard work Jian had somehow found the keys. And he used them to free it, not even knowing what he was doing. A second heartbeat set in. A foreign reiatsu overcame her, seeped through her veins, invaded her blood, poisoned her soul. Seryu wanted to scream again--but it spoke before she could.

Do you really want to forget Jian? Now, I don’t think you do. Seryu clenched the only fist she’d left, bit down on her lower lip. Impossible, she screamed back at it and closed her eyes. No, no, no, no, no! Go back to where you came from, disappear already, disappear!

Her body started trembling, her eyes found his again, tears fell down her cheeks and she shook her head twice, that’s all she could manage to do right now. It’s okay, the inner hollow chirped, He’s done this to you, I know, and it’s okay. He can make it up to you, he can make you feel even better! Look at him, he’s even wearing the shihakusho now. You two can finally love each other without boundaries! Wouldn’t that be lovely?

It would.

He’s already on the right path. You did this all for him, you were scared you’d hurt him. Just tell him, he’ll understand. Just tell him the truth, Seryu. It’s so much easier to tell the truth.

“I did--” her voice broke, she turned away. Instead, her small hand reached out to his and squeezed it gently. “I’ve remembered and made yet another decision without you. I know it was wrong of me to do so, I should have talked to you about it.”

Right, right, good girl. Now ask him if he still loves you! Seryu rebelled against it. ...But I want to be by myself, I want to stand on my own feet. I don’t need anyone’s protection, I just-- Sahel's voice became a little less happy. Have you gone mad while I was gone? Wouldn’t it be much, much more comfortable if you had someone to take care of you? It’s still what you want, Seryu. Trust me.

Until now Seryu had never even once wondered what he might thought of her.

“Do you still--” No. Although her pain was obvious Seryu’s expression was stern now. “You can’t tell anyone about me. They’ll come for me. If you know what happened then you should know that I never chose to be like this.” she paused for a minute, “It's none of your business anyways.”


Her eyes had long turned red again.

[817]

Scared, alone, in need of him. It was the perfect catalyst to erode any sort of willpower he might have marshalled to remain level headed here, the perfect way to get him to do just about anything to keep her safe. For the most part it was true, he loved her, he had from near the moment they met and would continue to for what seemed like the rest of his time here.

"Earth is getting ready too, we'll be here to lend a hand when it all goes down," he said with a slight nod of his head. There wasn't much more to say on the matter, it was clear that the invasion was by far one of the least important topics to them right now.

The moment he told her she knew it was like he'd struck her. She clenched her fist, but her lower lip, closed her eyes tight. Was this all because she'd wanted to conceal that from her? His heart leapt, he took a half step forward, hand on her shoulder once more. At war with herself, that's what it felt like. Denial, or something like it. Her eyes met his and he froze. What's wrong? He wanted to shout, a burning guilt for whatever he'd done to do this to her began to worm its way inside. He said nothing. As if she knew, she shook her head twice, tears rolling their ways down the cheek. Helplessly his hand slipped from her shoulder and he stared.

She tried to give him his answer, voice breaking as she turned away, her hand took his and his breath caught in his throat. He gripped her hand warmly, a comforting squeeze that did its best to communicate that he was there for her.

"Do I still what?" he asked, but she pressed forward. Tell anyone about here? He shook his head slightly, slipping his hand from hers and drew a breath, having forgotten for several moments to do so. He took a step away, turned from her and looked anywhere else. "Seryu," he said quietly, with another shake of his head. The uttered commands, to keep her safe at the cost of others.

"Did your journey make you stupid?" He turned back to her, the faintest hints of irritation in his tone if his words didn't suggest the same. "I am -intimately- aware of your condition, having fought against two people who suffered from it as they laid waste to my world, as people died around me because I hesitated!"

"Not my business...? Disregard the fact that in spite of all of this I love you! That the thought of losing you to a monster kills me! Disregard those things and here's the facts: If you lose control on my world, do you know who's going to be there? Do you know who's going to be the one to drop the axe? Me, Seryu. If you lose control and I couldn't contain you," he paused for a moment and shook his head as he withstood a wave of nausea. "It isn't about guilt or what you deserve, it isn't about you, or what you chose to have happen, it's about what you choose now. You cannot keep your condition secret, not unless you have a way to protect others from you." Upset was a word, the thought of any of that coming to pass caused his chest to tighten harshly. He drew back from it and continued.

"The Seireitei they," he faltered losing steam. "Your condition isn't looked upon favorably, but as I hear there's a Captain with the same, and others too, known for the same thing. Dealing with this alone, hiding what's happened, living in the shadows. It isn't going to help you." He'd watch over her, day and night to protect her, protect others from her, but he knew that wasn't reality. "What do you really intend to do now?" He really would do anything for her, even if she hated him for it.

670/2839

The echoes of a sardonic laugh were hauntingly close. A noisy voice became louder until she eventually struggled to understand the words Jian was saying. The girl blinked, withdrew her hand and pinched the bridge of her nose instead. What’s so funny? she wondered, immediately regretting that question. You, Sahel answered, You are pretty funny. Didn’t think you’d challenge me, but clearly violence is what you are after. Should have figured that one out faster, he thought and a shiver went down Seryu’s spine. No. He laughed louder. That’s why you and Shun are doing what you’re doing, right? What if Jian knew? If he’d punch you in the face more often maybe you’d start being loyal to him.

Seryu screamed--and shut up when she realized that her voice had left her mouth as well. She looked at Jian, face paler now than ever and began punching her own fist against her head repeatedly until the hollow became silent. Stupid Seryu, were his last words, Do you think you can use violence to make me yield, the same way Shun does it with you? We are in the same body now, but we’re not that much alike.

By the time she finished Jian had already stopped talking. He had said many things while Seryu was struggling to win that inner dialogue--but she had not overheard them. Eventually, she looked up to him as if nothing had happened - and smiled.

“Strange,” she said and shrugged her shoulders. “Who exactly is ‘we’ anyways? You and Sekai? That girl could wage wars by herself you wouldn’t even dare to dream off,” Seryu said as a matter-of-fact and tugged a strand of hair behind her ear. Shinigami were racist beings, yet in time of war they could be quite the logical thinkers. The idea of mortals helping them through war was dishonorable and Seryu couldn’t help but wonder who had approved of that.


Seryu broke away into a hearty laughter. “That’s a horrible thing to say,” she snickered, using the end of her sleeve to tap dry the tears on her cheeks. “It is not a condition--it’s a part of me now.”

Maybe I like who I am?

Seryu was utterly amused to find out that Jian, in spite of all the ugly things that had happened between them--including her silent departure from the bed they shared--still loved her. Unsurprisingly, of course, Seryu was a woman hard to forget - but what did impress her was his apparently undying loyalty. And the way he managed to confess to her and threaten her life in the same sentence. “Really?” Seryu asked innocently, with a smirk on her lips and suddenly wondered where her wedding ring had gone. The one Kasumi had stolen from her, for whatever reason.

“Can you really do all of those things, Jian?” Her smile had turned wicked ever since. “Because according to your own words, if it comes down to it and I lost to that ‘monster’ you’ll be dead before you can stop me from doing anything, unfortunately.” Seryu chuckled and shook her head, she stepped closer and placed two fingers at his chin, moving his face down to hers. “Firstly, I know very well how very much my current state is frowned upon, but I do not care. If I cared about these people and their ideals we would have never experienced what we experienced. None of it,” when everything began, once upon a time, she had done it out of spite. Never in a million years would she have guessed that it eventually turned into actual, true love.

Clearly a miscalculation on her end

“Secondly, I do not know what kind of steroids you are on at the moment but if you ever dare to threaten my life while trying to protect that stupid city of yours--you will go down. And everything around you will turn into ashes. By the time my evolution has reached its highest peak you and your shitty punches won’t be able to put a scratch into my armour.”


Seryu was just so tired of hearing Jian speaki of how he tried to save every creature in the world, his nonsensical desire was the reason why he had never managed to protect her from anything. Sekai and Takua were at her side when it happened, Shun healed her when she was hurt--not him. She was done relying on someone who had never proved his worth to her in first place.

Guilt plagued her, she was struggling again.

“I’m sorry,” Seryu whispered, “I shouldn’t have said that.” The tip of her nose nudged his ever so slightly before she pulled away. “I have no place in Karakura, I do not consider it my home. My place is here and unless you tell anyone it will continue to be for the next few centuries. “I intend to save my own life and you’re going to protest, so I won’t tell you.”

[839]

Jian straightened and tensed when she laughed, when she confronted him. His muscles tightened, his face drew a hard line that vanished any emotion away. She spoke, and went on a wicked smile. A vague insult directed at a capability of his that she couldn't possibly understand, a crack towards his delicate use of the word condition to describe the monster growing inside of her, a laugh straight in his face after his confession of love at the difficult threat he delivered.

He didn't reply to the rhetorical question. He didn't reply to her, quite frankly ludicrous, threat. He didn't reply to her apology, the nudge of her nose against his followed by herself pulling free. He watched her, as if Jian was wordlessly balancing Seryu Akamine's scale. There was a silence that hung for a moment when she stopped speaking.

Then he laughed, the quiet little amused chuckle of his with an expression that suggested it was done in good nature. It lasted for a couple of seconds and then he sighed contently and his body relaxed. "I have to say I think part of me truly missed this sort of thing. The volatility, the uncertainty, death threats why not. Geez, I absolutely have a type," he said with a tinge of self deprecation.

He drew himself together with a big breath and shrugged. "Ahah. Seryu Akamine, does she love me or hate me? Friend or foe? Stone cold calculating bitch, or vulnerable wounded soul. Shinigami or hollow. It's actually rather fitting now that I think about it." He tapped his chin in a moment of contemplation weighing prudence, shrugged and went on. "You know I so frequently find myself caught up in doubts about whether or not even you know where you fall on most those. My bet is somewhere in the middle." Bad for one another, that was the resolution delayed by her disappearance, the thing he’d pinned his acceptance upon.

"A slight correction though to what you said secondly though. I don't draw the lines simply at Karakura anymore, and please don't put me in a position to prove what I said," there was a seriousness there within the undeniable sincerity. "I'm not going to stop you now, if you want to keep this a secret and handle it on your own, then I suppose my love will have to shoulder that obligation, just know that I think it's a horrendously awful idea." He had, as he remembered now, much more important things to busy himself with. How easy it was to make excuses like that, but such were the small selfish allowances he afforded, to let the small evils go at his convenience. He knew such luxuries were short lived, but he indulged while he could.

"Still, I'm glad to know you're alive. Please take care of yourself Seryu, I'd ask you to promise, but, well," he trailed off to tease but then it wasn't really a joke. The end, right? Drawn all up in a bow like that. It felt good, at least it did right at that moment. He was sure he'd get the replay in some nights to come and for awhile yet, but it definitely felt better than it was. Maybe this was closure in a way. They'd meet again, he was sure of that, it was fascinatingly in a morbidly disconnected way to think about what they'd be to each other then. Funny how easy and quick it was

He tipped his head politely towards her and turned.

588/3427

“You know nothing,” a crack in her smile, he turned away and she allowed for her façade to falter. “Absolutely nothing,” her voice did not waver, her expression, the blank features, did. They softened, revealed a little more of her fragility. Broken asunder by the uncertainty of not knowing what was wrong and what was right the Shinigami failed to speak out about true feelings, fearing her words would remain unheard by someone who only saw the evil in it. The mortal was not the only one, as unfortunate as it was, Seryu would have to face many more enemies on her way back to where she belonged, the Sereitei. There’s no other place for me in this world, not even with him, not anymore.

Ignored was the sight of ruins right beside her, until the Akamine approached to gaze at what she thought was something she never wanted to see again. We are not done here, Seryu. Not quite yet, a violent force overcame her, she gasped and panicked as something else began controlling her limbs, something that wasn’t her. No, she begged, in vain. I don’t want to hurt you, Seryu. Your body is as precious to you as it is to me, Sahel's voice was that of a sociopath, cold, ruthless, absolutely ignorant and dismissive towards everything that did not benefit him--a murdering sociopath if he had to be. I’m not going to hurt you now, m’dear. I’d never want to hurt you, you’re far too lovely. I’ll give you one more chance, do not anger me again.

Please, a quick twist, her head turned, reminding her of just how easy it was to make her snap her own neck. Not quite enough to silence Seryu Akamine, as the inner hollow would soon find out. “Please, no more!” She screamed, he laughed.

Who’s the witch now, Seryu?

Black sclera, yellow irises and, of course, a wave of white creeping over her face, sticking to her skin, devouring her in the process of taking over and eradicating what little humaneness she’d left. Even as the mask barely covered her forehead and left side of her face the girl knew she was losing. Words that never made it past her lips lingered, ‘please don’t look’ was all she wanted to say to him, but Sahel restricted her, made her obey him. And for the first time ever he spoke instead.

“My oh my, that is not quite the ending I imagined for the two of you!” He laughed, now that he’d Jian’s attention, and clenched his--Seryu’s--first tightly, arm pointing at the house to his right. “That’s not how you speak to the girl who saved your worthless life on multiple occasions, now is it? She’s never harmed you physically, much to my dismay and if it wasn’t for her unreasonable love for you, you might have stopped existing a long time ago.” He twisted the arm, turned it, almost even breaking it and one of the wooden pillars covering the rooms lifted up - and moved aside. Don’t! For god’s sake, please don’t! He laughed even louder.

“Seryu is crying like a baby, if only you could hear her! I have never heard her scream like that! Except--that one time! Guess who made her scream just as loud!” He paused, eagerly awaiting the human’s response. “Na-gi-sa! Precisely. It’s safe to say that if this woman didn’t love you, none of these horrible things would have ever happened to her.” Sahel's hand mimicked a swinging motion, parts of the house were lifted up and moved around once more, setting free what was once buried underneath.

“I almost forgot it is your first time here. Where it all began, where it all went down. I will tell you all about it. Ever wondered what ticked sweet Nagi-chan off in first place?” He crouched down, fiddled around something Jian could not see yet, almost as if he was searching for something. “Seryu’s a talented liar. She hides her secrets well! She’d do an excellent job at hiding me,” he giggled. Sounds of splintered woods, crumbling away could be heard as he lifted something small from the ground. “There we go!” Sahel held something up for Jian to see--Seryu almost died from embarrassment when she realized what it was.

A broken frame. Inside of it was a picture of a couple, hugging each other while smiling like idiots.

“Exactly!” He flicked his wrist and threw the frame at him. “A dumb picture of a dumb couple! She used it to replace the ones she had with her late husband. If that isn’t love, then I don’t know what is,” he shrugged, rolled his eyes and even shook his head. “Anyways, lets return to your original questions! If you knew how she looked like when she was hurting, you’d know just how much she’s been hurting the whole time. You don’t know--because you were never there when it happened. You never saved her once. You were never the hero to her like you were to other people.”

Seryu was quiet now, the girl was sobbing pathetically, but that was all. No more words, no resistance, there was nothing she could do to defy the truth. “She knows where she stands on your little list--you’re the one who doesn’t. It hurts her, it hurts her quite a lot. You doubt her more than anyone else does, it makes me very happy. You helped me the most, take that picture as a sign of my gratitude. She’s so easy to control now, so easy to take over. I almost wished it would have been a little harder!”

Wait, what are you saying?

“She almost made it back into your arms, so now I want you gone.”

What are you doing?! That doesn’t make any sense!

“Maybe you’ve become a little stronger since then. I, however, can’t risk that, even when the chances are high you will abandon her again.” He looked visibly irritated now. This is the opposite of what you wanted! Seryu interfered again. You said he was good for me! You said I should stay with him--why are you pushing him away?

Stupid girl. Isn’t it obvious? If I can’t make you stay with him, I’ll make him stay with you instead!

[1,048]

He stopped, of course he stopped, he'd practically been daring her to do something to make him stay, just another moment longer. He'd always been looking for just a little bit more with her. He closed his eyes and swore quietly. Even still this wasn't really what he'd wanted.

The Hollow reiatsu was apparent now, burst free from its hiding place and spelled the obvious out. He didn't turn right away, perhaps hoping that if he didn't turn to face it, it wouldn't be there waiting for him. She screamed, her voice cutting through those thoughts and a tremor ran from head to toe and with it a deep sickening anger rolled out.

Hogoshi was there, as he always was, the calming rationality to his passion. He turned to face Seryu now. The same familiar sensation pressed against him, a gross reminisce of when he'd faced against Kuro, when he'd fought against Nagisa's that horrible day. "Someone hasn't been paying attention then," Jian said calmly, though it’d have been nice to pretend there was something happy at the end of this reunion.

To the casual observer Jian looked unaffected but subtle signs betrayed what burned inside. A brief twitch of emotion in the straight line his mouth drew, a tense muscle here and there, a reiatsu that boiled inside wishing for release. He was a tension line coiled tight.

First impressions, a lot of self-aggrandizing. A lot of attempts to get under his skin, though for what purpose he wasn't really able to surmise. He watched, unwilling to make the final decision yet, allowing the Hollow its moment on the stage. Jian had wanted to understand after all, to know what shape the monster inside of her would take. It was fiddling around with something or another, moving pillars, digging through the wreckage, he wasn't sure why. It produced a picture frame, threw it towards him. He considered destroying it, but caught it instead, spared a glance before putting it aside.

He shook his head slightly, glanced up and away from the monster that wore her skin. It was true that she’d suffered a lot and he’d never been there for her, and knowing that it was true wasn't quite the same as facing it. It ached to think about all that she'd been through, but in spite of that he couldn't find the guilt. If he could have done more he would have. She had always taken steps that kept him at that arm's reach, fate had always struck at her when they were apart. Then, wasn't that the simple solution? Especially now that he had these powers? He could stand with her now, make sure she was safe, help her defeat this monster. He could be her knight in shining armor. He could shelter her from this suffering.

He smiled if only for a moment, then he looked back down towards Seryu. "Are you done?" he waited for a moment and nodded once. "Allow me then to explain a few things.” He drew another breath. “I love Seryu and I will always love Seryu. I know she loves me too. Do you know what that means?" Jian straightened up and stepped towards the creature inclining his head expectantly. He didn’t wait long.

"It means nothing."

It would be nice, to play the knight for someone, to decide that it was enough. But he was not Seryu Akamine's protector, he could not afford himself to protect any single individual, nobody was that important.

He let it linger, his eyes locked on to the Hollow’s. "I've known for a long time what our love was to one another, and before she left I'd never have been able to admit that. Ours is a love that doesn't seem to make us stronger. We invite disaster and hardship, and we distract one another from the important things in our life."

"Did you know that I fell in love with someone else after she left? I'll spare the details, but we did the whole thing and it was enough for me to realize something. I am far too selfish about making my dream a reality to ever compromise enough to make a relationship work, not with her, and not with Seryu."

"So, as you wish, I am leaving but allow me to make one thing clear. In spite of that dream, that love that I have for her? It means that I will be there, not as her protector, but as a guarantee that any victory you win over her will be short lived. Cross the line, prove to me you're more trouble than I can allow? You can run to the furthest darkest cracks of any world but I will find you, and if I cannot drag her out of you, then I'll destroy you."

Jian's reiatsu poured out of him now, filling the very air around them with its density, his hand dropped to his blade in a languid gesture. "That's all I wanted to say," he said and made to turn once more.

843/4270

“That is not how you’re supposed to play your part, Jian,” black eyes reflected concern, voice of the hollow was laced with regret as it spoke to the mortal, “you’re playing it wrong.” There was no doubt he would not surrender to the creature that had overtaken her, he hesitated, stared in disbelief and the young man silenced him with every word he said. Seryu’s cheeks were tear-stained, lids reddened, but even the girl broke off, sensing the sudden terror in her inner hollow had calmed her down--and as ironic as that sounded it was true.

Before it could speak again Seryu regained consciousness, they actively shared that body now, but the Shinigami already bubbled over with laughter before Sahel could attempt anything. She was almost hysterical, bending over, holding her belly, barely keeping herself from falling onto her knees--beautifully psychotic, Seryu Akamine in her truest sense. “It’s...it’s just so...so fucking funny!” She shook her head, tugged the flailing strands of hair behind her ears and sudden and without a warning grabbed the fragments of her mask and tore them off, watching with excitement as they shattered into a hundred tiny pieces and turned into dust.

Almost, Seryu warned once her laughter subsided. You almost had me there, you almost defeated me. You made me put on that mask for the very first time, when I was the most inexperienced--in front of him out of all people. She made her disappointment clear, the woman had expected more intelligence, better planning from her own inner hollow, his performance had disgraced him. He’s the only one who doesn’t matter--because he’s not going to tell anyone! This was your ace and you wasted it. The hollow did not respond. Surely, this would have been her end if anyone else, such as Shun, would have witnessed what Jian just had but it was thanks to Sahel's naivety that he’d failed, and she succeeded. This won’t be the last time I will make you put your mask on, Seryu. Remember that.

His presence faded, she wiped away her tears.

“You did well,” she spoke what she thought would be the last words she ever said to him. “You’ve become a person I don’t have to fear for anymore. Someone I don’t have to worry for anymore, I’m happy.” There was no need for her to be spiteful any longer--the hollow had lost his battle for now--and Seryu wanted their parting to be real.

Only for once.

“There are still some things you have to learn. Your aspiration in life, to make that dream you have come true is not selfishness. It’s ambition. You made a sacrifice for it, now you owe me and that other person that you try your best to make it happen. And I’m sure you will.” No more tears, no more regrets, no more pain and most importantly: no more resentment.

They turned away from each other, started walking, it was quiet and Seryu felt the unfamiliarity of his reiatsu engulfing them both, so she smiled.

“Thank you, Jian. In the end you saved me after all.”

[517]