Post by Chancelor Vahn on Aug 22, 2016 2:39:00 GMT -5
I have my regrets. We all do. I have my bad decisions, my broken promises, and my inevitable lies. I was a leader, but then I failed my people. But there was a time even before that. I was one of those people, fighting against the demons of our District. We tried doing our best to keep their blades from beheading the many innocents they threatened. But I didn't take up the blade until just this one moment...this one moment that called me to stand up as a hero and fight. I had to reach into the subconscious of my past and muster up all the combat expertise I could. I had to protect the fading smiles of the young surrounding me, and often I had to reflect the oppressors. But that didn't come without punishment, and it certainly didn't come without its harsh beginnings.
Years before attending the Academy, Chancelor was but a younger spirit hungering for success and knowledge. He did his best to claw past the boundaries imposed by the bandits who rest outside the reach of Shinigami. Rarely were they protected by the reapers, as they were equally as rarely ever there. Maybe once or twice a year they came. However, the rest of that time was spent in agony trying to defend one another from the onslaught of theft and murder. Many of the young and female were defiled and the men were enslaved to service these outer Rukongai pirates. Chancelor had done well enough to keep out of their grasp, constantly on the run. While he escaped their influence, he only became a sworn enemy...and he had no one. An exception to this was a childhood friend and his master from outside the district. His master taught him everything he knew, but even he was limited in his knowledge. Chance's friend was victim to the grasp of those taking control of the district while the Shinigami held no power over the area. It was sad to see his friend rot whenever the two finally came into contact. But Chancelor knew, this was how it was going to be until he did something about it.
Stealing his master's blade, Chancelor approached the Inn in which most of the bandits relaxed and drank all night and day. Staring into the maw of oppression, he saw all the jolly faces flinging around foamy booze. He saw their smiles and hated them for it. He usually never hated anyone, however these people had been the exception. They had terrorized his people and terrorized his friends. They kept him feeling isolated, and that was deeper than any basic threat to society ever dug. He wasn't only concerned about the community, but what he could get from the community. Chancelor needed someone to love him, yet they tore that out from those who resided within the district. To top it off, his district wasn't the only one like this. While these bandits kept control over this one, other districts had their own, very similar situation with outlaws. But he was here, and despite all he had been told of other districts, he had to save this one. Chancelor had to preserve the integrity of this one. This community needed him. So he drew his blade, and the sky turned red. As did the streets when he entered the Inn and forced those partying to come out into the steets.
There they did combat, and with ruthless aggression he beheaded them all. He beheaded them like those he grew up around had been. All the children and wives and daughters and husbands that fell under the rusty blades of those holding the district with an iron fist, it was time to avenge them. Rivers of blood fertilized the lifeless, dirt roads. This wasn't all of the demons, however it would certainly draw the attention of the others. By others, this meant those who had been oppressed for so many years. A resistance formed. And by others, it also meant the heads of the hydra. The demonic machine that took away freedom had darted their eyes to the head of the Resistance. Chancelor had done what he could, fighting for countless days to protect those who saw him as an inspiration to resist. It was hard, and he was exhausted. Eventually, his Master arrived with his own blade. Eventually, others took up their own weapons. Eventually, they all began fighting back. For years a silent war had waged, Shinigami only visting during the quiet periods and seeing the havoc that had been wreaked. However, it was always someone who wanted no part in the drama that ensued. They never cared. They never had the heart of connection to the Rukongai that they should have. Chancelor approached a Shinigami one day, wondering why they had been given such treatment.
The shinigami simply said, "Because...what's the point? We can only visit you a couple times a year. Why save the barnacles of the Rukongai? HA!" Holding back his anger, Chancelor just gave the shinigami a death stare. Another thing to hate...the false security offered by the Seireitei. It was unacceptable, and how could he respect let alone NOT resent that mindset? Regardless, Chancelor continued the silent war with the bandits. Many died from malnutrition or lack of medical resources, and he had to watch it all. Chancelor was failing them, so he stepped up. Challenging the leader to a duel to the death, Chancelor was answered with the ultimate survival challenge. Blades whirled all around, and he had to dance around all of them. Defying all of his lessons, the afro-toting samurai danced his heart out with a whirling blade of his own. It wasn't easy, and he wasn't unscathed. In fact, his body was so full of minor wounds that they eventually weighed heavily on him. When the leader's men were finally slain, the Resistance made sure the coward king of it all was trapped. A final approach from a wounded Chancelor brought an ultimatum. Either he duels him or dies. If the bandit were to win the duel, he would be allowed to leave peacefully. While many opposed this idea, Chancelor made it known that he was in charge for the time.
This was his offer, and there was no changing it. Thinking it would be an easy win, the last remaining bandit had accepted the deal. At first, Chancelor seemed to be barely able to compete to the rampant style of the man flailing around with his chipped blade. The afro samurai was, however, only sand-bagging and eventually adapted to the man's style. With every messy swing, Chancelor responded with a parry and a superficial slip across the skin. The attention pecking was to annoy the coward, who became more and more reckless. Just as he had hoped for, Chancelor eventually disarmed the man and kicked in his left knee. Screaming in agony, the bandit was thrust to the ground with the broad foot of the samurai's. The sun shined on the samurai's back, casting a shadow over the bandit and masking the death-stare of Vahn's. Raising his blade up, Chancelor contemplated cutting the man down right then and there. He wanted to. He wanted to so badly. Bringing the blade down, it stopped just short of the bandit's throat. The two just locked gazes for what seemed to be an entire hourglass' worth of sand.
"I want to. You know I want to. I want to open up your damn throat...for all those you've done the same to. For all the children you took possibility away from. From all the families you took freedom from. From all the friendships you ruined. From all the relationships you set walls and boundaries upon....for all the happiness and joy and smiles you've wiped away. Fuck it." He did it anyways. Most fail because of talking about it. Talking about it while being a merciful being usually equates to backing out. Usually it takes a rush with no time for thought over it. Usually the merciful samurai is supposed to spare his enemies and hope they reach redemption. Chancelor was that kind of person, but this was different. There was something more to it than simply letting the man go. There was more to the situation than the virtues he holds; it was beyond him. It was for all those around him who were already hurt by his decision to give the bandit a chance to live and leave peacefully. It was for those who had their own blood or their own loves torn away from their arms.
It was for the people who had fought alongside him for all those years. The people who were independent from the Gotei. The people who didn't need a shinigami to decide to give a damn and ignore the repercussions and stress of drama. Chancelor couldn't do it without them, even if he had the courage. Chancelor couldn't go without paying them back. But even then, there was more that had to be done to rebuild. The man resting lifeless before him with his head severed had not been the final step. So for a while, they focused on rebuilding. They ignored the structure most Rukongai districts kept in exchange for quick rebuilding. Once the district reached a stable point, they elected Chancelor to represent them. He had the experience and knowledge it took, despite his relaxed composure. It was necessary, they believed. Chancelor accepted it with a smile. Worked it with a bigger grin, but eventually that grin faded. He saw his people with a frown, and that dip down grew deeper and more broad. Chancelor felt like he wasn't doing anything for his people, and harking back to the shinigami who admitted to not giving one bit of love to their District, felt like he needed to be different.
Chancelor enrolled into the academy and left his district, giving them promises of returning and focusing on advancing the spread of the Gotei's reach further into the Rukongai. All those promises. He failed every single one of them, and as he left they pleaded for him to stay. But it was too late, and he needed to fulfill the role he yearned for. Years went by and he was advancing through the academy, seemingly disconnected and forgetting his former life as a Rukongai resident. A Rukongai role-model. A leader for the poor Rukongai residents. Sometimes his mind looked back and saw glimpses of the smiles that faded into depression, but most times he tried pushing the memories back down to the depths he tried to trap them in. One day, he was visited by one of the former residents who made the trek. In fact, they intended on following in Chancelor's footsteps. When they realized he had forgotten them, they gave up on their dream. That's when they reminded him of who he was. That's when the resent for those Chancelor had readied himself to serve had been renewed. All he could do was plead for forgiveness. All he could do was say sorry.
But really, all he could do was watch his past shatter into a million pieces as the poor child returned home. The ingenius youth of the Rukongai often had their talent go wasted into their adult years, but to be the one to cause that was even more painful than the realization that it happened daily. It happened to millions, yet this one district was under his influencer -- or was -- and he caused the prodigies it birthed to refuse giving their talents to hopefully change the Gotei. He was trying to do exactly that himself, yet now those back home would likely abandon the project. Understanding that he was too dedicated to quit, Chancelor held back his tears and anger and hate and regret and self-loathing and shame for the sake of continuing his own project. Chancelor wanted to do his best, he wanted to redeem himself. He needed people. He needed love. He lost the love of those before, but he would work his hardest for love from the future. The warmth of hearts and affection kept Chance going, so he could only grasp the possibility of feeling that.
That's when he met Odayakana. There's just so much...What have I done? No worries, my child. Huh? Is that? Have I finally heard....Yes, boy. I am the voice that has been whispering in the back of your head for so many years. It has taken you this long because you've only ever focused on those from your past life and what you'd like to do once you met your spirit. I am here now. I am with you, and you no longer need to feel alone. I know all of your pains, and I will be your rock. Often, beings go without that rock. You just need to reach deep into your soul...and connect. But what does that even mean? Che....I couldn't get a comedian? Nah, gotta get a saggy sage. I see this is going to take a while....
Odayakana had spent many nights giving the deepest perspectives on the aspects of life, even easing every factor of bias and resentment. The bigotry the samurai held towards Hollow and Quincy were alleviated but never truly eliminated. Odayakana couldn't cure the trapped anger and blood-lust it triggers, but he could help Chancelor take control of himself. He could help Chancelor take back his confidence and no longer weigh himself down with thoughts about the past. The anchors of shame and guilt were often too heavy for someone to work past, and Odayakana helped him ease his way away from the massive weights around his pursuit of a better future. The two connected on a whole other level, creating a bond akin to the feeling of Nirvana. Odayakana was absolutely what Vahn needed to recover and grow from his past. Chancelor owed everything to the bladed spirit, but at the end of the day he knew that Odayakana was just an extension of himself. An extension that represented what Chancelor could be had the past not held him back so much.
Chancelor continued to thrive on the idea of revolutionizing the regimen and mantra of the Gotei, allowing his own extension to push him to his very best while on the road to graduation. Odayakana was critical to Chancelor's stability and often conversed with him, but he didn't make Chance immune to the grief felt every time his childhood friend contacted him about another death. About more bandits or suicides or how his name was now spoken with the feeling of contempt and betrayal. But it was his fault, everything he heard he deserved to. Even if he couldn't do anything, he could certainly feel the pain for it. However, once the time came, Chancelor had to completely excommunicate himself from his former home. It was time to truly move on.
So Odayakana and himself surpassed those of his class and joined the Gotei 5. The fifth had fit him best, but there was a sense of bitterness that resulted from the feelings his former people stabbed into him. The gut-wrenching shame and the never-ending news of tragedy. It was all so awful and heavy on his body. Chancelor, stuck in the same thoughts for all those years, always repeating the subject, knew that new thoughts were coming his way soon. It would be a new chain of drama, a new chain of duty, and a new chain of relationships. The Seireitei was his new home. The love of the future was a road beset by himself, and he would reach it one of these days. But still, he would forever keep the memories of his people dormant and in the back of his head, and there was no escaping that. While Odayakana helped him recover from the stress, Chance always felt like he needed that emotional connection as long as it wasn't a focus. However, because of it, he took to the habit of relaxing in a tree instead of fulfilling his duties.
Staring into the stars every night, Chance smiled and wished those who have passed fighting alongside him and for the district, wishing them good night. He often did this, and often exchanged good wishes with Odayakana before passing out. "G'night everyone. We'll meet again, just hope you lot turn out to be some of the most privileged and comfortable children in your new lives...May your love always warm me."
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Word Count: 2760
Years before attending the Academy, Chancelor was but a younger spirit hungering for success and knowledge. He did his best to claw past the boundaries imposed by the bandits who rest outside the reach of Shinigami. Rarely were they protected by the reapers, as they were equally as rarely ever there. Maybe once or twice a year they came. However, the rest of that time was spent in agony trying to defend one another from the onslaught of theft and murder. Many of the young and female were defiled and the men were enslaved to service these outer Rukongai pirates. Chancelor had done well enough to keep out of their grasp, constantly on the run. While he escaped their influence, he only became a sworn enemy...and he had no one. An exception to this was a childhood friend and his master from outside the district. His master taught him everything he knew, but even he was limited in his knowledge. Chance's friend was victim to the grasp of those taking control of the district while the Shinigami held no power over the area. It was sad to see his friend rot whenever the two finally came into contact. But Chancelor knew, this was how it was going to be until he did something about it.
Stealing his master's blade, Chancelor approached the Inn in which most of the bandits relaxed and drank all night and day. Staring into the maw of oppression, he saw all the jolly faces flinging around foamy booze. He saw their smiles and hated them for it. He usually never hated anyone, however these people had been the exception. They had terrorized his people and terrorized his friends. They kept him feeling isolated, and that was deeper than any basic threat to society ever dug. He wasn't only concerned about the community, but what he could get from the community. Chancelor needed someone to love him, yet they tore that out from those who resided within the district. To top it off, his district wasn't the only one like this. While these bandits kept control over this one, other districts had their own, very similar situation with outlaws. But he was here, and despite all he had been told of other districts, he had to save this one. Chancelor had to preserve the integrity of this one. This community needed him. So he drew his blade, and the sky turned red. As did the streets when he entered the Inn and forced those partying to come out into the steets.
There they did combat, and with ruthless aggression he beheaded them all. He beheaded them like those he grew up around had been. All the children and wives and daughters and husbands that fell under the rusty blades of those holding the district with an iron fist, it was time to avenge them. Rivers of blood fertilized the lifeless, dirt roads. This wasn't all of the demons, however it would certainly draw the attention of the others. By others, this meant those who had been oppressed for so many years. A resistance formed. And by others, it also meant the heads of the hydra. The demonic machine that took away freedom had darted their eyes to the head of the Resistance. Chancelor had done what he could, fighting for countless days to protect those who saw him as an inspiration to resist. It was hard, and he was exhausted. Eventually, his Master arrived with his own blade. Eventually, others took up their own weapons. Eventually, they all began fighting back. For years a silent war had waged, Shinigami only visting during the quiet periods and seeing the havoc that had been wreaked. However, it was always someone who wanted no part in the drama that ensued. They never cared. They never had the heart of connection to the Rukongai that they should have. Chancelor approached a Shinigami one day, wondering why they had been given such treatment.
The shinigami simply said, "Because...what's the point? We can only visit you a couple times a year. Why save the barnacles of the Rukongai? HA!" Holding back his anger, Chancelor just gave the shinigami a death stare. Another thing to hate...the false security offered by the Seireitei. It was unacceptable, and how could he respect let alone NOT resent that mindset? Regardless, Chancelor continued the silent war with the bandits. Many died from malnutrition or lack of medical resources, and he had to watch it all. Chancelor was failing them, so he stepped up. Challenging the leader to a duel to the death, Chancelor was answered with the ultimate survival challenge. Blades whirled all around, and he had to dance around all of them. Defying all of his lessons, the afro-toting samurai danced his heart out with a whirling blade of his own. It wasn't easy, and he wasn't unscathed. In fact, his body was so full of minor wounds that they eventually weighed heavily on him. When the leader's men were finally slain, the Resistance made sure the coward king of it all was trapped. A final approach from a wounded Chancelor brought an ultimatum. Either he duels him or dies. If the bandit were to win the duel, he would be allowed to leave peacefully. While many opposed this idea, Chancelor made it known that he was in charge for the time.
This was his offer, and there was no changing it. Thinking it would be an easy win, the last remaining bandit had accepted the deal. At first, Chancelor seemed to be barely able to compete to the rampant style of the man flailing around with his chipped blade. The afro samurai was, however, only sand-bagging and eventually adapted to the man's style. With every messy swing, Chancelor responded with a parry and a superficial slip across the skin. The attention pecking was to annoy the coward, who became more and more reckless. Just as he had hoped for, Chancelor eventually disarmed the man and kicked in his left knee. Screaming in agony, the bandit was thrust to the ground with the broad foot of the samurai's. The sun shined on the samurai's back, casting a shadow over the bandit and masking the death-stare of Vahn's. Raising his blade up, Chancelor contemplated cutting the man down right then and there. He wanted to. He wanted to so badly. Bringing the blade down, it stopped just short of the bandit's throat. The two just locked gazes for what seemed to be an entire hourglass' worth of sand.
"I want to. You know I want to. I want to open up your damn throat...for all those you've done the same to. For all the children you took possibility away from. From all the families you took freedom from. From all the friendships you ruined. From all the relationships you set walls and boundaries upon....for all the happiness and joy and smiles you've wiped away. Fuck it." He did it anyways. Most fail because of talking about it. Talking about it while being a merciful being usually equates to backing out. Usually it takes a rush with no time for thought over it. Usually the merciful samurai is supposed to spare his enemies and hope they reach redemption. Chancelor was that kind of person, but this was different. There was something more to it than simply letting the man go. There was more to the situation than the virtues he holds; it was beyond him. It was for all those around him who were already hurt by his decision to give the bandit a chance to live and leave peacefully. It was for those who had their own blood or their own loves torn away from their arms.
It was for the people who had fought alongside him for all those years. The people who were independent from the Gotei. The people who didn't need a shinigami to decide to give a damn and ignore the repercussions and stress of drama. Chancelor couldn't do it without them, even if he had the courage. Chancelor couldn't go without paying them back. But even then, there was more that had to be done to rebuild. The man resting lifeless before him with his head severed had not been the final step. So for a while, they focused on rebuilding. They ignored the structure most Rukongai districts kept in exchange for quick rebuilding. Once the district reached a stable point, they elected Chancelor to represent them. He had the experience and knowledge it took, despite his relaxed composure. It was necessary, they believed. Chancelor accepted it with a smile. Worked it with a bigger grin, but eventually that grin faded. He saw his people with a frown, and that dip down grew deeper and more broad. Chancelor felt like he wasn't doing anything for his people, and harking back to the shinigami who admitted to not giving one bit of love to their District, felt like he needed to be different.
Chancelor enrolled into the academy and left his district, giving them promises of returning and focusing on advancing the spread of the Gotei's reach further into the Rukongai. All those promises. He failed every single one of them, and as he left they pleaded for him to stay. But it was too late, and he needed to fulfill the role he yearned for. Years went by and he was advancing through the academy, seemingly disconnected and forgetting his former life as a Rukongai resident. A Rukongai role-model. A leader for the poor Rukongai residents. Sometimes his mind looked back and saw glimpses of the smiles that faded into depression, but most times he tried pushing the memories back down to the depths he tried to trap them in. One day, he was visited by one of the former residents who made the trek. In fact, they intended on following in Chancelor's footsteps. When they realized he had forgotten them, they gave up on their dream. That's when they reminded him of who he was. That's when the resent for those Chancelor had readied himself to serve had been renewed. All he could do was plead for forgiveness. All he could do was say sorry.
But really, all he could do was watch his past shatter into a million pieces as the poor child returned home. The ingenius youth of the Rukongai often had their talent go wasted into their adult years, but to be the one to cause that was even more painful than the realization that it happened daily. It happened to millions, yet this one district was under his influencer -- or was -- and he caused the prodigies it birthed to refuse giving their talents to hopefully change the Gotei. He was trying to do exactly that himself, yet now those back home would likely abandon the project. Understanding that he was too dedicated to quit, Chancelor held back his tears and anger and hate and regret and self-loathing and shame for the sake of continuing his own project. Chancelor wanted to do his best, he wanted to redeem himself. He needed people. He needed love. He lost the love of those before, but he would work his hardest for love from the future. The warmth of hearts and affection kept Chance going, so he could only grasp the possibility of feeling that.
That's when he met Odayakana. There's just so much...What have I done? No worries, my child. Huh? Is that? Have I finally heard....Yes, boy. I am the voice that has been whispering in the back of your head for so many years. It has taken you this long because you've only ever focused on those from your past life and what you'd like to do once you met your spirit. I am here now. I am with you, and you no longer need to feel alone. I know all of your pains, and I will be your rock. Often, beings go without that rock. You just need to reach deep into your soul...and connect. But what does that even mean? Che....I couldn't get a comedian? Nah, gotta get a saggy sage. I see this is going to take a while....
Odayakana had spent many nights giving the deepest perspectives on the aspects of life, even easing every factor of bias and resentment. The bigotry the samurai held towards Hollow and Quincy were alleviated but never truly eliminated. Odayakana couldn't cure the trapped anger and blood-lust it triggers, but he could help Chancelor take control of himself. He could help Chancelor take back his confidence and no longer weigh himself down with thoughts about the past. The anchors of shame and guilt were often too heavy for someone to work past, and Odayakana helped him ease his way away from the massive weights around his pursuit of a better future. The two connected on a whole other level, creating a bond akin to the feeling of Nirvana. Odayakana was absolutely what Vahn needed to recover and grow from his past. Chancelor owed everything to the bladed spirit, but at the end of the day he knew that Odayakana was just an extension of himself. An extension that represented what Chancelor could be had the past not held him back so much.
Chancelor continued to thrive on the idea of revolutionizing the regimen and mantra of the Gotei, allowing his own extension to push him to his very best while on the road to graduation. Odayakana was critical to Chancelor's stability and often conversed with him, but he didn't make Chance immune to the grief felt every time his childhood friend contacted him about another death. About more bandits or suicides or how his name was now spoken with the feeling of contempt and betrayal. But it was his fault, everything he heard he deserved to. Even if he couldn't do anything, he could certainly feel the pain for it. However, once the time came, Chancelor had to completely excommunicate himself from his former home. It was time to truly move on.
So Odayakana and himself surpassed those of his class and joined the Gotei 5. The fifth had fit him best, but there was a sense of bitterness that resulted from the feelings his former people stabbed into him. The gut-wrenching shame and the never-ending news of tragedy. It was all so awful and heavy on his body. Chancelor, stuck in the same thoughts for all those years, always repeating the subject, knew that new thoughts were coming his way soon. It would be a new chain of drama, a new chain of duty, and a new chain of relationships. The Seireitei was his new home. The love of the future was a road beset by himself, and he would reach it one of these days. But still, he would forever keep the memories of his people dormant and in the back of his head, and there was no escaping that. While Odayakana helped him recover from the stress, Chance always felt like he needed that emotional connection as long as it wasn't a focus. However, because of it, he took to the habit of relaxing in a tree instead of fulfilling his duties.
Staring into the stars every night, Chance smiled and wished those who have passed fighting alongside him and for the district, wishing them good night. He often did this, and often exchanged good wishes with Odayakana before passing out. "G'night everyone. We'll meet again, just hope you lot turn out to be some of the most privileged and comfortable children in your new lives...May your love always warm me."
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Word Count: 2760