Survivors woes (closed w/ Vic)

"Seeing as you were there not long ago yourself we thought maybe you could talk to her. Make her feel less alone."

The blond beast smirked slightly and shook her head slightly. Of the number of things she'd been asked to do since her return this was by far one of the least physical. So many had wanted her to teach them to fight without weapons. Plus a mess more requests that were odd in their own right. Promoted, demoted, then promoted again. Teach this group. Teach that group. Someone always wanting something from her.

Then there was the whole issue of everything she'd been though since dealing with long buried unrequited love. Just pain and questions that lead to more questions. And after all of it only a few things were certain. The first was that she'd been to Hueco Mundo and fought her way out. Secondly, she was an officer and a soldier within the fifth division even though she questioned her role within the grand scheme of it.

Somewhere, somehow some of this all would make sense to her at some point. But if her own experiences could help another floundering soul in this long walk they all marched together then she supposed she had a duty to at least try. If she wanted to continue to call herself and officer or a role model for the people within her division then this, the extension of a hand, a tossing of a line to this struggling soul was but another thing she must do.

So, she found herself closing the door to this other woman's room. Quiet as it was minus the chatter and clatter from behind the closed door. She'd been briefed on the whole thing that had lead to this nightmare of a situation for this poor girl. Victoria eased herself down to sit at the foot of the rock solid hospital room. A rustling of the curtain in the next room the only sound to cut the silence as they sat their. Nothing else but the two. Just them and this room as they existed as singular beings in the great void that was their reality. The Wolf would crack the tangible vacuum of sound. 

"I, uh... I spent a year and some change in Hueco Mundo myself," she began slowly. "The nurses told me you got taken there too. Just plucked up and taken away kinda like I did. They tell me you... Your Captain came for you. Thats good, you got out before you were there too too long. 

I spent maybe less than ninety days in captivity there the rest I spent roaming.. fighting... killing all that came for me. For a while I was probably closer to being a hollow than anyone has ever dared to go without the taint take root. All I can say is that I fought like one of them. I was brutal, savage and cruel. A part of me, a part of me that had kept me alive for so long here in our world died in those sands along with other inhibitions I had lived with for centuries....

Look... Point is... you're not alone. I know the feeling of being kept alive by the sick whims of a being your told will kill you outright. That feeling of knowing that once they tire of you as a toy you're just a meal. You're an investment in a future food source. I know all those feelings and the pain, confusion anger... whatever it is you're feeling. I know. I can feel it with you. Can share experiences with you that so few others can say they've had."

The Gaelic voice stopped there. The tending mind of that voice formulating words to put to use on this young female. "You're not alone. So... if you want to talk or vent or whatever I'm probably the only person here who knows whats its like to go through what it is you went through."

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Sensing the presence enter the room, Chie did not react as she suppressed her reaitsu, not willing to let anyone know how she truly feels. What she feels, what she wants, who is she? Questions that not only has she not been able to answer, but she wants to run as far away as possible from. Chie was partly hoping that this person was her executioner, but she could not detect any lethal intent, so at this point, Chie considered this intruder to be nothing more than a bother. Whenever a third division came in, Chie's reactions were minimal, and she always built up walls and shut down when the subject was Hueco Mundo. Memories she wanted to forget, she joined the fourth division because she is a scientist, not a soldier. She was meant to be unseen, never meant to be promoted, she is, and always meant to be just an unseen scientist, she is not destined for greatness. However there are times when she thinks she'd be better off in the Rukongai, it is almost too easy for a captain to realise this fact, and remove her from the gotei.

As Victoria spoke to Chie, Chie could easily predict the next few words after what Victoria was saying, the classic survivors speech. Chie still remained frozen as a statue, her presence was almost cold as ice, her breating seemingly halted, the nurses hated when Chie does this as they have to double check her pulse to check if she is actually alive. Whenever Chie was seriously hurt, she always ran to her surrogate brother, who in turn gave her a shoulder to cry on with arm, and a blade at whatever threatened in the other. Since his death, Chie's defence mechanism has reverted to building up walls between her and the world, one of the benefits of being a scientist was that she could work aside of the world.


Time past, Chie knew she can wait longer than the other woman, she hoped that if Victoria truly knew anything about surviving the hell of Hueco Mundo, that she would respect Chie's right to silencing the memories on the matter.


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TWC 857. 

"Right..." Victoria shifted slightly before standing. Apparently this girl didn't want to talk so sitting in silence was in order. This wasn't something she wanted to do. But the fact remained that she had given her word to talk with this girl but she couldn't put her own duties in the fifth on the back burner for someone who wasn't in her division. Something within her however, told her she needed to stay and try an pry this girl out of her shell. But she didn't want to forcibly drag this girl out. Doing that while the fastest and perhaps most efficient way of getting her to talk was not the way to do. It'd just make the girl clam up tighter and longer afterwards which was not good for this young woman's future.

So the question was did she stay put and wait this out? Or, did she leave for today and come back the next day? Just keep coming back everyday till eventually the girl spoke. Victoria looked about the room for a moment to see what there was to occupy herself with if she were to stay and wait. There was nothing she could see readily available which decided the actions that were to follow.

Standing the blonde stretched slightly, "I'll see you tomorrow miss." She meant that as she made her way to the door and let herself out.

((END DAY 1))
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As Victoria left, Chie let out a breath after she felt Victoria's reiatsu leave her sensing range. Chie slowly opened her eyes as time slowly passed by her, but no longer escaping her grasp. Every day in recovery seemed to hurt her even more as she felt segregated from her life. As the night overwhelmed the day, Chie seemingly came back to life as she slowly risen from the seemingly lifeless state. Every day after Hueco Mundo, she has only been able to obtain five hours of rest due to nightmares, so to occupy her time she does whatever she can, whether that be exercise and training or work. However in current conditions, she has only been able to do the former. Every night she starts with a regimen of basic repetitions of push-ups,  sit-ups, and various altering exercises. Ending the night with Yoga, she pretends to sleep for seven hours when in truth, she uses two to keep her mind busy. After hours of haunted sleep, she wakes up feeling hurt and starts meditation yet again, as nurses try to speak to her, encouraging the girl to eat as Chie ate barely enough to survive, only for their words to be caught on deaf ears.

This cycle has been vicious as no one knew enough about Chie to crack her, most people thought she died long before the invasion. As time passed, Chie still held to a routine of never moving in the day when one would look, hiding any sign of emotions from everyone, including herself. As the day progressed, she opened her eyes slightly to gaze at the plant in the corner, a simple flower, nature. The element which her zanpakuto shares, she looked down on it while displacing her own regret.

"Asatsuyu, do you mean I am weak like a flower?"

The first sentence she spoke in some time, which fell unto deaf ears as her zanpakuto didn't respond.  Chie slightly drew her blade two cementers while thinking about her power. 

"If my own body can't handle your true form, does that mean I am undeserving? What is a shinigami undeserving of their zanpakuto?"


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Several days had gone by with Victoria returning everyday. Everyday the silence was oppressive. Every hour was trial for that well of patience the ancient warrior had found locked within herself. No progress had been made. Not a sound from the dark hard girl. No motion beyond the blinking of eyelids. This kind approach was not getting her anywhere and the realization that this girl was being, for lack of better terming, a brat. Today she'd give this child a slap, verbally not physically, she'd never forget. This was the last thing she could think to do to wrench this girl free of the chains she'd placed upon herself. 

Reaching the girls room she nodded at the nurses as she slid the door open and stepped through. A twist of the lock and the blond beast moved to stand in front of the kneeling death god. "Good morning Chie," she began giving the girl the opportunity to speak for herself as and stave off the verbal assault that was about to come streaming from the much more veteran soul. A slight sigh left her before she took a deep breath.

"Do you remember the oath you swore when you graduated the academy?" a simple question one with only two answers. "You swore when you graduated that you'd fight to protect this realms people. You swore you'd fight to protect the lives of humans spiritually aware or otherwise. You swore you'd fight until your final moments to stem to tide of hollows and to ensure that souls found their way to our world."

She folded her arms behind her back and began to pace. "The way I see it you feel sorry for yourself. You're sorry you had to do some things that you didn't want to do. Tough. We all have to do things we don't want to do. Do you think I wanted to go to Hueco Mundo myself and live their for over a year? Do you think I enjoyed myself? No. I hated every day I spent there. You were lucky and were rescued by your captain and were barely there for anytime at all. I found my own way out. You didn't have it so bad as you think so stop feeling sorry for yourself. You book worm types in any of the divisions that doesn't make a living by their steel drive me nuts with your 'poor poor pitiful me' bullshit all the time."

Reaching up behind her head the veteran Shinigami undid the knot that held her top up. The cloth fall forward she bared her entire chest and torso to the other female. "Look at me," she demanded before stepping forward into better light, "Fucking look at me Chie Kira." The blond reached out and wrenched the other females head back so she could do nothing but look at the scars that littered the toned torso of the fifths wolf. "All these scars. Every last one I earned by doing my goddamn duty. For over a thousand fucking years I've done the duty I said I'd do centuries before you were ever a thought in your mothers mind. The hell I've seen. The wars I've fought. The horrors I've seen committed by our side and theirs. Shit beyond description. Things I cant even put to words that I'll never forget. Shit that makes most want to hang it up and call it done. But no, here I am, over a thousand years into this career and I still do my duty. I get up everyday, I put on my uniform and boots and I do it. Why? Because all those centuries ago I swore to do it till I was unable to or until I drew my last breath. Whats your excuse?"

The wolf pushed the other female back letting strands of black hair fall from her battered hands, "You're no shinigami. No soldier. You're a spoiled child who thinks she's had it rough. That she's experienced something no one knows. Well guess what princess you're not. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and pull your self together. Because as long as you wear those black and white robes no matter the division you serve in YOU. ARE. A. SOLDIER. Now start acting like it." Taking the two corners that formed the tie she brought them back up and over her shoulders and tied them firmly once more. At this point Victoria couldn't give a damn if her words made it into the other girls mind. The shear amount of self pity was too frustrating to allow to go on for much longer. If this girl was as bad off she she thought she was then she was better released from duty and the slot freed up for someone who would do their duty. Who wouldn't crumble the minute they experienced something a little hard to swallow. That was up to the fourths captain though and despite her strong opinions on this Victoria's opinions were simply that and nothing more. 

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As the hardened soldier returned, Chie slowly returned to her shell. It was no use, Vic's words pierced her defences and hit her with an iron fury. Chie pondered how she came across, she thought only focussing on Herself would aid herself, asking for help was a sign of weakness was what she learned after her surrogate family's end. However hearing the mention of the academy from Victoria really nailed the losses in, and how she halfheartedly agreed to the oath. To protect all humans, she recalled the two humans she met, Heinrich and Mr. Spelldon, both able to defend themselves. If humans were given the power to defend themselves, would shinigami be needed? Shaking off philosophy she calmed her mind back into focus.

Enduring blow after blow to her pride, she opened her eyes when Victoria asked and acknowledging the scars. She could tell that each one had history. Chie did not want to compete with a veteran on who had it worse. After seemingly hours of yelling, Chie felt the headache, she formulated her response. Victoria was no help as Chie could feel her identity crisis start to engulf her even more. She signed her life to being a shinigami, she dedicated her mind to science, which is all she had. She was never a soldier, she was a scientist, but lost her pride as one to Levi albeit undermining him with a trap. Letting out a breath as all stiffness faded from her muscles, she slowly moved to stand up using her zanpakuto as a pole to help her up. "So, you think I feel sorry for myself? Is that right?"

Slowly lifting her head to might Vic's eyes, the only thing Chie's could show was not fear nor contempt, not strength nor cowardice, but confusion that she wants to desperately hide.

"I signed my life to something, something great and flawed. But I barely became a shinigami, I should've been expelled as it took me fifteen years to graduate because of combat abilities. I am a scientist first, and even then i lost my pride as a scientist. I was captured right in front of my " soldiers in arms" as they did nothing to help but watch and cower in fear. I escaped Las Nochas with my own hands and a magic scarf after my talents were forced to be used for arrancar purposes. I built an arrancar a rigged gigai, as a scientist I swore an oath not to let my work be used for notorious purposes. There are days where I want to say that crime deserves execution despite it being cast necessary to live. I fought hollow after hollow until the point where I should've died, something you know all about. "

Taking a deep breath, she tried to remain calm, chosing her words carefully. At this point she realized that one wrong word could result in her death right here and now. A thought came to her, she realized that even among Shinigami she felt isolated, alone, turning anything and anyone into her enemy. She was always alone.

"Look, I came back with a hollow attached to my brain. It developed somewhere in my body after eating hollows to survive. It took advantage of latent feelings that no shinigami in their right mind would ever act on and screwed my life over again. At the moment i don't know what made my choices for the last fea months I've been back. Frankly I'm not even sure what to believe, for all i know you've been ordered to be my executioner after checking if I compromised any secrets of the gotei or reveal the secrets of 'project Murei' not written down."

Turning around she started walking towards the window, gazing at the sky for what she didn't want to be the last time.

"I just don't know who or what I am. I just know that i screwed up my life beyond repair because i let my false pride as a Shinigami cloud the fact that at the end of the day, I'm just a woman who hit her limits because she was too stubborn to ask for help when she needed it. I thought this time. I could find the answers i seek without help. I don't mean to come off as petty or claim my problems are worse, i know there's people worse off than me. But when i ask for help, that's when things go to hell."

Reaching into her Shihakushō she pulled out a dagger like object as she left it on a table adjacent to the window.

"That's the Kyoukanken, it looks like a blade but it's really just a syringe and storage capsule for scientific use disguised as a blade. Honestly it's got a problem liken to me, is it a scientific tool, or a weapon? It can be either or both. I thought inventing it would make things clear but they haven't. "

Looking over her shoulder she halfheartedly hoped that Victoria would get bored and leave as she made her last remark.

"If you feel like striking me down, I won't hold it against you. To you, i must be pretty weak to refuse help after all I've been through. But i know that being dependant will kill me, as will pridefully disregarding anyone who tries to help. I'm sorry if I offended you."

A roar of laughter left the blond as the black haired woman apologized after asking her in an indirect way to kill her. When her laughter came back under control the beast looked at the woman before her. "Killing you sin't my department. I'm neither judge nor jury nor executioner. So unless you decide to draw your steel on me you're in no danger of me ending your life today," the smile remained on her lips cracking her mouth wide enough to expose those pearly whites, "As for whatever is wrong with you I don't care. You're here in this building for whatever reason they have for you to be here. 

All I care about is you getting over your shit. You're not any worse off than the next guy. Yeah, you've seen some things but nothing no one else has seen. And let me tell you, Feeling sorry for yourself aint going to make you feel any better. So get up and get back to it. And seeing as you're standing you're halfway there." Turning for the door the dog made her way to it, "Don't let the shit you've seen keep you from doing things today." A twist of her wrist and she was out the door and heading down the hallway. If Chie managed to unwind her self pity and begin the long process of getting over it then her work was done. She'd check in again in a few days perhaps and see if her words had made a change.

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