A Vessel of Glass [AO | TBTP | Closed]

The walk wasn't that long, she wasn't hiding her presence so it was relatively easy for him to locate her, similarly, approaching her had become easy enough- the woman had made it fairly clear she had no interest in .. using him. He knew she was trying to appease this debt of her's to her .. father? Teacher? Whatever term she preferred he supposed, it mattered little to him. What was more important was the fact that she was willing to use him for her debts payment- meaning she was teaching him, training him to do so, and that alone was a tremendous opportunity, of course, but even more importantly that meant she wasn't a threat to him. As illogical, and odd as that seemed- and though perhaps that wording was a stretch, everything was, in some way a threat- but the percentage of such from Zabel had lowered tremendously. Enough so that, at the very least, he was willing to work alongside her and see her as a source of protection- therefore, when he began approaching her he only hesitated a few brief moments before his footing carried him toward her fully- silent as a ghost, years of being silent to avoid being harmed having long ago taught him to instinctively walk and move in such a way.

His blank face looked up at her as he halted exactly three paces behind her- he waited there a few moments, debating what to say- how to ask his question, how to ask her to teach him today. He could feel the presences around him, the pressure that they were exerting on him just from existing- he felt how sharp his senses had become, how painfully obvious every little movement around them was. But still, even with that fear, he wasn't having his attacks- his heart rate was too high, his pupils had contracted to single black dots in the center of the dark grey irises, his hands shook. But he was under control, despite it all, he didn't feel like throwing up- he didn't feel like curling into a fetal position from the images flashing through his mind. But speaking was difficult, he didn't know how to communicate well, to begin with- and asking someone for help, even though they had already made it clear she was going to give it to him, was surprisingly difficult to do. His lips parted, just slightly, but she hadn't noticed him yet- playing (if it could be called that) with the koi in the pond she sat in front of.

After several moments, his lips parted once more and a small exhale of breath would signal his existence- the timing fitting well as she chose to rise and turn- before nearly falling onto him. He visibly froze up, he had managed to get used to her touch to a limited extent, but only when he was prepared for it, and not for very long- a surprise turn and her nearly falling on him was not on his list of "used to it" just yet. His muscles locked, and for a brief moment he stared at her in fear, before it quickly melted away- and the boy was able to slowly adjust, lowering his head a bit- unable to hold eye contact as he knew she was correct. "Sorry, I can't help it," he stated simply- bluntly some would say, but it was less due to an attempt at being rude and more a simple inability to properly communicate with other individuals. His eyes remained on the ground as she would calm herself and ask him a relatively simple question- allowing his eyes to briefly flutter up to her face, checking, purely out of habit- to make sure she wasn't raising a hand to strike him, or glaring at him.

What he found was a still slightly startled, but kind face- and it still confused him to his core how anyone could act in such a way toward him. After a moment, he would slowly shift his gaze back down to her feet- his shaking slowing just slightly as his mind found something productive to think about in the shape of answering her question. Then, like clockwork, that monotone voice would speak in a clear- concise manner void of emotion, something she had likely begun to expect at this point. "Physically I'm .. better than I've ever been, I think. At least better than I can ever remember being," the words stumbled a bit initially, but he gradually gained a degree of confidence in his words- he'd never talked much. In fact, even though he barely spoke with Zabel, communicating mostly through nods and shakes of his head- he was fairly sure he'd talked more in the last few days than he had in years, perhaps ever. It hurt his throat, to be honest. Slowly he would raise his gaze up at her, and he let the fact he didn't comment on his mental or emotional status seem obvious- before he slowly opened his mouth once more to speak, but seemed to struggle once more with his words.

It was hard. Asking for help .. relying on someone else, even though he knew this was only a way or her to pay her debt, he was at no risk here- and yet, even knowing that he couldn't help but hesitate, to fear that he may somehow be indebting himself to this woman, despite all logic telling him otherwise. Still. He had to do this; he'd made it his goal and he had no intention of backing out on it .. he'd already taken the step, going back was no longer an option.

With this thought, his lips opened once more and he focused on her eyes, holding contact for the briefest of moments, ".. Mentally, I'm strong enough to try to train .. even if it's something small," he would state, that same monotone voice filling the air, seeming empty and blank as he watched her- and yet there was that light once more burning dimly in the deepest recesses of those dull, grey eyes as they looked into his teacher's own. He wasn't able to do it for long, however, and after a brief moment, his eyes slid back down toward the earth, mentally focusing on breathing to calm his heart rate that had increased rapidly. Between fear of being indebted, and trying to hold an adult's gaze (luckily she was female or it may have been even worse for the boy), he was struggling to just remain where he stood and not run away. But he managed to hold his ground, even if his small hand rose to clench at his chest in order to help steady his now uneven breathing.

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Post Words: 1,122
Total Words: 2,302
Total GP so Far: 46

Mako watched her quietly as Zabel would remain calm, even as he tensed, even as he felt his stomach drop out of reflex- her patience with him eased his heart rate considerably, though it was still immensely difficult to properly react to her questions and body language- it was foreign to him in a multitude of ways. Still, slowly, he would manage to at least ease how tense his muscles were after his hand clenched at his chest, his breathing slowly coming to a more natural level. His vision shifting up briefly to meet her own as she inquired how he was feeling again, but he was confused- uncertain what she meant. He had stated he was as fine as he was going to be, really, his mental will was strong enough- and his body was about as good as it was going to get without some form of miracle healing.

The concept, the very idea- that his emotional health may matter, or be in question- simply didn't occur to Mako. The thought was to foreign, to a boy who had spent all his life hiding and suppressing his emotions- so much so that he naturally began to suppress his spiritual energy to that of a ghost, or a wisp of smoke, that he couldn't even comprehend it. Despite his intellect and perceptiveness, he couldn't fathom what she may be after with her question, and as such he was a bit relieved when she shook her head- obviously giving up on whatever it was she was after specifically. Slowly he would let his gaze trail toward the pond as she would begin to speak once more, putting the thoughts from his mind as he instead listened.

An exercise? Slowly he glanced around, expecting to see weights or something of similar nature nearby- when training came to mind, after all, he thought of things like Yuuta did, climbing tree's, lifting boulders, fighting others to better his combat skills- and so forth. Instead, she would move toward the pond once more, and his head would tilt, just slightly- the first real movement and expression he could have offered her beyond terror. Even if his face was still blank, the slight shift of his head like a confused animal would show a degree of emotion- similarly, his eyes, though blank as well- held a slight shine of curiosity within them. Carefully, he would take a shaky step toward the pond, uncertain what it was she wanted him to do as she stood to the side with her hands behind her back.

Slowly, he would sink down, taking a general understanding of what she wanted- even if it made little sense to him, he would slowly sink to "sit" or at least, his version of such, falling so that he sat on his heels. His arms wrapped around his legs, making his body seem as small as possible, purely on instinct- he was sitting in a way that an animal would, ready to sprint away in fear at the drop of a hat. Slowly, his head would turn to look at her, waiting for her instructions- and as she explained he would slowly blink, just once. Was this training? What was it training? His observational abilities? .. That was one of the only things he had confidence in really, so he supposed she was attempting to help him gain some confidence?

Unclear of the reasoning as to why she chose this but trusting her- at least to a degree- he would slowly attempt to focus on the pond itself, his eyes slowly closing. He could still feel them, the energy all around him, like a cockroach surrounded by light suddenly- it was terrifying, and he could feel his heart rate increasing without the distraction of trying to communicate with her. Closing his eyes, trying to reach and focus on his senses, it made it even worse- he could feel the presences around him, shining like beacons that never went out. How many could sense him? How many knew where he was? Not all, but some, certainly- there was no way there weren't a few that could do that much. His heart rate continued to rise- he couldn't stop it, it felt like he was being overwhelmed with light when all he wanted to do was disappear into the darkness.

But then her words called to him again. The fish.

Focus on the fish.

Then, the realization hit him .. he focused, he focused on everything at once- he always had, it was how he had managed to survive as long as he had. But now .. now it was different, he couldn't afford to focus like this, in such a wide array. He needed to learn to focus it, to calm his view. If he could be sensed by others, if they could feel him- then he needed only learn to focus his senses and to make himself invisible while amplifying his own senses even further. With this understanding, he would slowly relax the grip on his legs that had been tightening with his terror- and instead, he did as she told him. He reached out, his presence- the presence of Zabel, of those around him, he could feel it all. It was blinding, there was so much energy around him.

But he couldn't sense the fish. He knew they were there, but that was the extent of it- compared to the suns that danced around him, he couldn't feel the small candle flames that flickered beneath the water. But he knew that was because this was his limit- his focus was too broad, he couldn't feel it. Listen for their breath, feel their heart rate, it was more than just sensing their presence- he had to go beyond that. To dig into his senses, to feel their minds, their bodies, everything that made them- and this was the first time he had ever tried to dig so far. He'd only ever worried about the things around him, in their broadest sense. This was different.

This was learning to block out the blinding light, and instead find focus- control if he could control this, if he could manage this- then he could learn to focus on himself to the same degree. If he could do that .. then no one would be able to sense him, no one could find him, he would be safe- he would be secure, there would no longer by anything to fear. He only had to find a way to do just that. He tried to relax and tried to focus on nothing but the pond, but the fish- but it was difficult. He wasn't sure how long this would take .. and that fear made his heart clench, and his stomach drop. How long could this take? How long would he suffer, how long until someone found him, sensed him- and killed him?

He could feel his heart rate rising, and his muscle beginning to tighten as his breathing increased. How was he supposed to focus on trying to better himself, when the source of his terror was breathing now just down his neck- but surrounding him? It seemed like an impossible task.

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Post Words: 1,200
Total Words: 3,502
Total GP so Far: 70

His concentration snapped- but he realized quickly that was a good thing when he felt how his pulse was pounding. He'd managed to focus, certainly, but it wasn't even close to enough- to a success if he had an attack while he was struggling to manage this he would only suffer in the end. It would only set him back.

With this thought, he would quickly release the breath he had been holding, hearing her words as he slowly nodded when she commented about needing to breathe- he'd been holding his breath, he'd been so tense he hadn't even noticed it. Slowly, his gaze would shift over his shoulder to the woman as she would ask him to listen again, now that he was starting to breathe regularly- as she would toss the pellets into the water he would blink, and slowly allow his gaze to slide downward. He examined the water and watched- the way the golden scales flashed as the fish bashed against once another, racing to the surface for the treats, and he felt a tightening in his chest.

They were like him. Desperate for food, it was a base animal instinct- something he could understand far more easily than anything else. Slowly, his hands lowered as the golden scales flashed in his gaze- simply reaching out wasn't enough, he needed to know what to look for .. and this is what he had to look for. Everything, everyone, was different. He couldn't read the fish like he read people, he'd been searching for a consciousness but the fish barely had one in comparison to a human. No, what he needed to read, what he needed to sense in order to truly feel these creatures was not their "conscious thought", but instead their "instinct" their base reactions, the things that propelled them on a whim in order to obtain what they wanted.

Be it food, or a need to survive- it didn't matter what it was, it would vary between animals- their instincts as varied as humans facial expressions and reactions varied. She'd told him to try again, to listen- and he now understood what she had meant as the fish ripped into the pellets eagerly. An instinct to eat- something he knew all too well. He felt it. The small candles beneath the surface as they fought their own little battles, oblivious to the power around them, concerned with only their individual beings. It was .. refreshing. Compared to the complexities of humans, of predicting them and their minds- this was easy.

He reached out, and felt their instincts, reading them with ease as the connection grew stronger- and with it so did his understanding. He could only "read" or "feel" the surface emotions and reactions of people, but these fish were nothing but surface emotions and thoughts. Slowly, she rose up and moved forward- telling him that sometimes, being perfectly quite wasn't the way to get something done, and slowly he lowered his head. Was she referring to the fact that he needed to learn to fight? He knew that already. He knew he needed to learn to fight, it was why he had agreed to come with her.

Or was it something broader than that? What did he need to fight? What did he need to get done?

Slowly, his head lowered, resting his chin on his arms as he stared into the water- trying to think of what it was she may be referring too- but he couldn't understand. The best way to survive was not to deal with things head on but to disappear and hide if he had to fight- to strike from the shadows. To make them suffer, to make them unable to counter- weaken them and make his chances of survival as high as possible. Was she trying to tell him that was wrong? That he needed to face some things directly- to stop running from everything, hiding from it?

Mako remained silent as she walked off, staring down into the water- he felt the fish, and felt the way they slowly flowed around him, his hands gripping the fronts of his ankles as his knees rose up, resting his chin on them once more as the gold and blue shifting hues reflected in his grey eyes. Slowly, he would raise his hand and look at it. Zabel was definitely more experienced, and more powerful than he was- but not on this. She didn't know. She didn't know how truly horrifying it was to realize you could die at any moment. If she knew it like he did, she'd never say something like that.

He would take her help, and her lessons- but it would not change the way he did things. He didn't want to change, he wanted to grow. Slowly, he would straighten after several minutes- now that he understood the sensory, it was easy. It was the only thing he was good at, after all. His focus went inside .. and his energy once more disappeared, and this time, he limited his focus outwardly. He walked, hunched as he followed the signature- no longer did he focus his mind on the presence of everyone to the minute detail- instead, he focused only on their baseline signature. Thanks to that, he was no longer overwhelmed. The suns had not been suns at all, simply campfires that had appeared blindingly bright to his eyes so accustomed to the darkness.

His hand pushed the door open- lifting the bag she had given to him in an offering, "I did it," he murmured simply- his eyes lifted toward the young woman that was to be his teacher. Already, she had helped him .. the fear was still there. Clawing at the back of his mind, but he was no longer shaking. Knowing that they could not sense him. Knowing they were not all as strong as he had originally assumed. It had all helped tremendously, and now his dead eyes looked up at the woman's own. "What should I do now?" He wanted more. But his body was still too unrecovered, his limp especially was extremely hampering- he no longer felt the pain, it was just a part of his daily life, but it still hindered his movements immensely.

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Post Words: 1,045
Total Words: 4,547
Total GP so Far: 90

Mako approached Zabel as quietly as possible, his habit rearing its head once more- but thankfully even with his silent movement, it would seem that Zabel was more reserved this time, expecting him to randomly appear as Mako allowed his gaze to slowly lift upward toward the woman's own as she thanked him for the bag- taking it from his fingertips as he would carefully lower his hand back down to his side. Tilting his head slightly as she commented about them enjoying the extra food- he wondered about that. He wondered if they even really comprehended the concept of being "spoiled" or if they simply were following their instincts.

It was a hard thing to tell- and he decided it didn't matter. That was until she asked him how the fish "sounded" to him. Slowly, he would lower his gaze- looking at the floor as he debated the question. He wasn't the type to ramble on about his findings, instead, he wanted a word- something that represented everything he had felt, or a single short statement. It would take him several moments to find an answer that he truly agreed with until he would blink and slowly lift his head- looking at her before he stated simply, "Instinct," he would finally answer her.

Realizing that he likely would have to explain this, defeating the purpose of him using only a single word, he would halt a few moments, before elaborating. "They're small and weak- so they follow their instincts in order to survive. They don't overcomplicate things .. or maybe they can't?" he slowly tilted his head, "But either way, it wasn't that I couldn't hear them .. it was that I was trying to listen to a soft whistle in a room full of war drums," slowly he lowered his gaze once more, looking toward the ground once more. "It was easy, once I shut out the war drums," it was clear what he meant- the "War Drums" were the powerful souls surrounding them, and the "Whistle" was the weak, minuscule signatures of the fish within the pond itself.

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Post Words: 349
Total Words: 4,896
Total GP so Far: 97

Mako would slowly tilt his head as she would comment that he was good at sensing, and slowly nod, "It's the only thing I'm good at," he clarified simply as his eyes trailed slowly to the side, trying to figure out how best to explain, however, the next words she spoke made it seem that much easier to explain. As she commented on the fact that he should use his 'normal senses' he slowly shifted from one foot to the other as his eyes slowly looked back up to look into her eyes. "I'm good at that too," he finally murmured and would continue after a brief moment.

"It's how I ... started. The only way I could survive, was to watch people," slowly his gaze slid to the side, "Facial expressions, how fast they were breathing, what they smelled like, if you focus enough all of it will give you warnings," slowly his tone shifted, and it was clear he was beginning to speak of more obvious complications through his past. "But it didn't work all the time, some people are good at hiding what they really feel, like me, but good at faking other emotions on top of that ..." slowly, his gaze focused on the floor, his hand subconsciously shifting to his chest, arms crossing over it protectively to make himself seem smaller than he was.

"I hurt a lot one day, and I was really scared," the words were ... new to him. He'd never told anyone. Never had too, and explaining his feelings, his past, even in such a vague way- was an uncertain thing for him. Still, for some reason- he wanted to keep talking, and his breath evened out a bit, his grip on his torso relaxing slightly. "I was scared and wanted to know where someone was," the flash of his father's voice filled his mind, hearing his yelling, not knowing where he was, unable to exactly pinpoint him. That terror as blood dripped from his skin, hunted in the dark like an animal.

"Then I felt it ... a presence, and then more ..." it had saved him that night, though it had only delayed the inevitable. Slowly his gaze lifted to look at her, "My other senses are good but ... I can't feel other people's thoughts with them ... their emotions ... they can still lie to me, trick me," his pupils slowly shrank, "But not with this sense ... with it I can do more," his eyes lowered- staring down at the ground. "I can feel their surface emotions, the things that border in their minds, so I can dodge before it happens- run before they do it, escape before they lash out," it had saved him- it was the only reason he had survived this long.

But even more than that- the sense had been with him since he was small, "To me, it is my normal sense," the words were true. To him, sensing others presence ... it was as instinctual as hearing them, or smelling something, seeing someone- it was a part of him. Slowly his gaze lifted, "If that's not normal ... then I guess I'm not ordinary, but I already knew that." Mako's hands slowly tightened into fists as his gaze slowly slid back to the ground- focusing on a single spot silently.

"I'm a freak," the words were hard and painful- but factual- something he truly believed. If he wasn't trash, if he wasn't worthless, then the only other option was that he was abnormal, unnatural. The things that other people were able to do, he couldn't. Laugh. Smile. Enjoy life. Similarly, he couldn't comprehend this concept of "kindness" that Yuuta and others had. It was illogical and pointless, and he saw no reason to allow anyone to tell him otherwise. He had no desire to change. Slowly, his voice gained a bit of strength as his eyes focused- "I don't want to be a freak ... I want to be a monster," his eyes stared up into Zabel's.

There was no reason to "be like everyone else". It was pointless, illogical, and he didn't want to become like them. So he would become what they feared. He'd become what people like his father, and every other person that had harmed him scared him- feared. He'd become a monster to scare away his own demons. It was exhausting, revealing so much emotion- even if his face remained expressionless, his words were completely unlike him, a brief glimpse into the psyche that had been suppressed out of a desperate need for survival was finally showing its teeth, as Mako's eyes glinted with light.

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Post Words: 768
Total Words: 5,668
Total GP so Far: 113