A Polished Mirror

She needed to turn in her report, and then she was done with her duties for the day, and she could go meditate on the events for the day with her Zanpakuto. But the problem wasn’t that, it was that beautiful aroma that was coming from the kitchen of Captain Kasumi’s kitchen that was driving her absolutely insane. She made no mention of it at all, and didn’t even try to gain her commander’s attention in any way aside simply letting her hair dangle from the ceiling, hoping that she would notice it. If she couldn’t sense Yui’s spiritual energy, which she was not repressing, then she wasn’t fit to be Captain, but she had been stalking the fox for far too long to even consider this possibility to have any truth.

She finally did notice, although it seemed to catch her off guard that Yui was latched to the ceiling, which was just something that she preferred. “Personal Preference Ma’am.” An honest, crisp and respectful answer, which was replied with her asking her to get down. In a very practiced and almost automatic motion, she released her attachment to the ceiling, twisted in mid-air, and landed in a kneeling position on the floor near her Captain’s feet, a pair of scrolls with the report she was supposed to deliver tucked under an arm. She was told to use the door next time, to which she simply reported in with “As you wish Ma’am.”

Handing over the scrolls, she was given her thanks, and without any warning, her stomach rumbled, squeaking in protest about the delicious smell of the nearby food and giving her away. She wanted to drive a fist into her gut but instead remained motionless, her head tilted at a bow to hide the shade of scarlet that her face was amounting to. Luckily, the Captain didn’t make any mention of it specifically, and dismissed her. “Yes Ma’am.” Without turning away, she took three careful steps straight back after standing, and then leapt backwards and out of sight. Once out of the Captain’s line of sight, Yui suppressed her Reiatsu to the lowest possible emission, switching to stealth mode.

Like she could smell something that amazing and NOT try to get a sample of this woman’s cooking. Captain or not, whatever she was making smelled divine. She slipped over to near the kitchen area and slipped through, tracking the Captain’s spiritual pressure the entire time. This was also a challenge, both to her Captain to see if, even in this relaxed atmosphere, could detect her, and for Yui herself, who honed these skills with countless hours of practice and training. And of course, the stakes were high… it was a freaking CAPTAIN… but that made it to where the challenge had true stakes and was a legitimate test of her skill. She had made it into the kitchen without a problem, and looking at it all, she knew better than to actually grab anything that could be noticed. Getting greedy at this stage was like she would be asking to get caught. Eyeing a roll in a basket nearby, she silently grabbed a single one and looked at her surroundings for a moment. No operable windows or other escape routes, she needed to get out of here before her…

Oh shit…

The roll was half in her mouth, and she had just turned towards the door when the Captain used her Flash Step to step into the only viable exit and ask her if she was enjoying the food. Absolute panic flooded her for just a moment, because even now she was relatively certain that a simple blast of her spiritual pressure would pin Yui to the floor like a purple throw rug. Her only chance in hell was to act before that thought occurred to her, and that meant she was going to have to show off some skills she hadn’t shown to anyone just yet.

Yui put all her speed into this Flash Step, but unlike most Shinigami, this one was utterly silent, which was something she had worked very hard on, and it would put her past the rock garden and on the roof. It was also much faster than a simple Unseated should have been capable of, which was a testament to the amount of hard work and dedication she put into training this particular skill. Still, she needed to get away with the utmost speed and pray to god that she would be forgiven or forgotten soon, because in an actual confrontation, Yui didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell. Violet eyes fixed on the setting sun and her freedom, she crouched and prepared to make the next flash step even further, mustering all her energy into this simple motion that would be her salvation.

803/803

There were two options right now, she could either apologize or run. And it seemed that this one preferred to be doing the latter. Flying past the Captain she was on the roof a moment later. Kasumi had to give her some credit for the silent step that had come out of nowhere. Though, the fact that she was running meant that there might be the possibility of poison in her food. Unwilling to throw out everything she’s been making, she quietly turned around and followed the little Shinigami up onto the roof. Everything so far seemed to be speaking of panic and a faint trace of regret, but she wouldn’t be sure if that wasn’t a trick until she had her hands on her.

Landing with the papers still in one hand she decided that running around wasn’t something she felt like doing. While the girl was still in sight it was better to let a spell do the job. Silently drawing a triangle in the air before her, she let the Bakudō charge.“Bakudō #30. Shitotsu Sansen.” The whisper was accompanied by three triangle of bright yellow energy dashing through the air at the moving target.

To her satisfaction it hit and effortlessly pinned the little thief against the ground. For a moment she considered to head back in, do some reports and let the girl back up after a couple of hours, but that would mean that her food would grow cold. And she still wouldn’t know if there was something in it.

Lightly gritting her teeth she came down the roof with the aid of another flash step, then slowly made her way toward her prey. There was a certain strictness coming from her, but she wasn’t angry, not yet. In a way this reminded her of the things she had done herself. As long as the stealing had been innocent she could live with it. People were different. Besides, this one looked like a kid.

“Alright, I’ll let you up and you’ll follow me back inside.” She paused, gave her a long look, and then added. “Unless you would prefer to be sent to a cell.” Letting her tone appear to be a bit stricter than usual, and with it being naturally rather cold, she assumed that the Shinigami wouldn’t try to run again.

It took them less than a minute to get to the kitchen. While the girl’s Shunpo had been impressive Kasumi had managed to catch her before she had gone too far into the Seconds streets. Not that she wouldn’t have been found later on, it would have simply been a real hassle.

“Sit down.” she ordered once the two were back in the kitchen. There was only one way of figuring out if the food was poisoned or not. Handing the other Shinigami a pair of chopsticks and a spoon for the miso soup, she then put down the papers on the counter and watched her like a hawk.

“Eat.”


499/1127

The fact that there hadn’t even been a moment’s pause between the Captain turning and landing on the roof next to her only fueled that instinct to flee. This person was several times her strength, and there was no way in hell she could contest her in combat, so fleeing was her only real option… but as she just proved, she was neither going to give up nor was Yui herself fast enough to get away easily. Her next Shunpo put her on the ground where she would immediately leap left to try to dodge whatever it was that would come next, and then get into the crowds of the streets and disappear. Unfortunately, there was no chance for this as she heard the words of power of a level 30 binding spell.

You win this time Captain… was the only thought that crossed her mind as she was quickly pinned to the ground before her body would allow her to turn and dodge. There was simply too large of a gap there, and she couldn’t make her muscles push off to avoid the spell. But that wasn’t where she messed up… where was it? In the sparse moments laying on the ground helpless before the Captain came off the roof to end her existence for stealing a bit of bread, she considered where the root of her mistake was. She hadn’t been heard… Yui was relatively certain of that, as she had positioned her footfalls perfectly. Perhaps it was simply a gap in skill regarding their spiritual pressures? Sure, she was able to hide her Reiatsu pretty well but certainly the Captain had a higher skill in detecting such things… yes that was likely her mistake. She had hoped, in the relaxed environment, that Captain Kasumi’s guard would be down, and as someone who had gained a lot of personal respect from Yui recently, she was not so careless.

Speaking of… the little ninja was still alive. Was the Captain considering the best way to end her miserable little unseated’s life? Leaving her there to consider things for a few hours? Gods knew she hated sitting still unless she was meditating, and this position, pinned by Kidou, was NOT conducive to meditating. Maybe she could try to take a nap? Nope, nevermind… there were the footsteps. Pinned to the ground, she couldn’t see her approach because her head was turned the wrong way, but those footsteps sounded like they were definitely Captain Kasumi’s. She was given a command, and while Yui certainly did pause for a short moment simply due to the shock that she was not in any immediate pain, she responded with the same crispness as earlier, even if her volume was somewhat diminished. “I will follow, Ma’am.” Which was better than yes or no, considering the way that statement had been phrased.

Standing up, Yui quickly fell into step behind the Captain and they found their way back to the kitchen with relative quickness and in complete silence. While she certainly had been defeated, she was not hanging her head in shame or anything of that nature, and inversely was actually pretty upbeat within her mind. Not that you could tell by looking at her, but she was proud to fall under a Captain that was skilled as this, someone she could look up to and set her sights on. Someone that she would have to see about testing her skill against... maybe not today or tomorrow, but one day, she would not look up and see a goal, but instead see a Rival.

She sat down silently, as ordered, and wondered if she was about to be verbally punished for stealing, and prayed beyond anything she wasn’t the type to sit here and lecture her about rights and wrongs. It had been a test of skill, not an act of actual theft! But that would be a little embarrassing to explain the reasoning behind the action, and for most people, it made absolutely no sense… but why was she being handed Chopsticks and a Spoon?! What in the Heuco Mundo was going on here?!

“Eat.”

The shock registered on her face for just a moment, as her mind raced to try to figure this one out… why would she want her to eat? “Yes Ma’am.” She picked up a spoonful of the soup, and as she brought it to her lips, she locked her violet eyes onto her Captain’s and suddenly it made sense. She tried to put herself in her Captain’s shoes, and realized the reason she was having her taste test it was to see if something had been done to it. Holy hell, she really was lucky she wasn’t killed just based on that possibility. Certainly she had been innocent of anything truly malicious, but the possibility of it meant that she was not going to be getting away from this situation.

As the spoon met her lips though, and she took it in she swallowed and tears began to well in her eyes, all fear dispelled in an instant.

“I think I love you…” she whispered mostly to herself, trying to keep the admission from being heard by the Captain.  She looked up, locking eyes with the Captain again and pleaded, “this tastes so good… how?!” Her expression was that of someone who was legitimately jealous, happy and begging for this information.

901/1704

Fixing more than just her eyes on the purple haired Shinigami, she sensed shock and fear melt into something akin to realization. However, the fear didn’t come back in a crushing wave which should have been the case if you were about to eat poison. Even if there was a secret antidote, there was no way of telling when Kasumi would let her out of her sight. And while advanced Kaido could always be a solution, it would be even clearer than swallowing a pill.

Could it be that the woman was already immune?
But why then would she have felt fear to start with?

’I like what you’re working out, but who would have sent her? The Spirit questioned in a relaxed tone. It was a good question. Shun could take her head on if he wanted to, the same went for the other important faces of the Gotei, except that they were friends. It didn’t really make sense.

’I wonder how strong a poison has to be for it to work before I can use Kaido to slow it down or stop it..

Still lost in an inner conversation she frowned when the girl whispered something. With her head filled with theories hadn’t made out the words, but could effortlessly understand the next bit that was said. The frown already on her face only deepened at the words. The fact that her expression spoke of happiness didn’t really helped Kasumi’s confusion.

“Excuse me?” With one eyebrow climbing upwards she wasn’t sure if she had heard what she thought that she had.

It was.. odd. And at the same time, it wasn’t impossible.

Perhaps this one was more like she used to be than she had first thought. The idea brought a little bit of amusement to the Captain’s eyes. She let her lips curl ever so slightly, but didn’t make any moves to elaborate her sudden amusement. Instead, she simply moved around, took out another bowl, got some miso from one of the pots and placed the bowl on the other side of the table. Next, she got herself a spoon before getting rid of the green tea that’s been soaking for too long and putting on water to brew the next patch.

With a couple of practised motions she then detached the sheath together with her Zanpakuto and placed it on the ground next to the cushion she soon take her place on. Sitting across of the girl, she watched her eat for a brief moment and then took a spoonful herself.

Damn, she had been hungry.

After a couple of spoons, she leaned back a little and decided to find out who this rascal was.

“What’s your name?”


452/1579

Yui noticed that her question regarding the amazing taste of the soup hadn’t brought any sort of positive response, and the frown she had only deepened, making the little ninja a bit worried that she was treading on thin ice. Granted, she was a Captain, and if her patience wore too thin, she would crush the little purple haired Shinigami without a moment’s hesitation or remorse… more than likely. She was certainly capable of such a feat. She asked her to repeat herself, and while she was definitely omitted the first bit of what she said, the little ninja didn’t mind asking the question again properly.

“I was asking what you did to make the soup taste so amazing Ma’am. I cook a bit myself, but am still learning.” She had some of her previous professionalism in her tone again, as she was making an official request for information to her Captain, but at the same time, that yearning hunger for the knowledge was barely veiled under the surface. The Captain almost sort of smiled as well, so maybe, just maybe, she could get away with this whole affair with her head still attached to her shoulders. Yui had always been a little bit on the risky side, trying to push herself to create challenges that had a genuine drawback if she failed, because that fear of failure propelled her to excel in a way typical training could not. This scenario was no different, but she HAD failed, and the drawback could be dire indeed. She could easily be put on some cleaning detail for the rest of her life, washing toilets or some such none-sense.

The Captain seemed to come to some decision, getting up and doing some things around the kitchen before finally sitting down across from her and beginning to eat herself. Alright then… this was… not as bad as it could be… yet. Yui’s Zanpakutou, which was much smaller than the typical Katana, was attached horizontally on her back, and as such it didn’t get in the way when she was sitting. While Yui certainly hesitated for a moment, she too drank a few spoonfuls of the delicious broth before a question was popped. She wanted to know who she was? Well, this was most excellent.

“Yui Shokotsuki, Unseated in the 2nd Division.” Her tone was respectful, but there was a hint of wariness in there as well. This woman might very well be twenty times stronger than her in every way, but these introductions were always a little hard for her, because she did not have a position that demanded respect, or even was looked at when thinking of different dealings in the squad. That being said, the little purple ninja couldn’t stand that, and didn’t want to be seen as a child or as a weakling, even if, in comparison, it was true at the moment, which made giving her name and rank a possibly painful event. But she would have to wait and see what kind of person Captain Kasumi was… only time would tell.

512/2216

Yui Shokotsuki, she would commit the name to her memory and look into her files later on. For now, there was still miso soup left which she wanted to enjoy. Letting the silence hang between them she wondered if Yui would decide to speak up. At the moment both of them appeared to be busy with eating, and while Kasumi was still studying her subordinate she did enjoy her meal. Once her own bowl was empty she got up to place it in the sink. It was time for some beef and rice, but a quick look at the smaller Shinigami had her wondering if the former would want some more miso.

“Want more of that or are you ready for the next part?” Calmly waiting for a reply she took a plate for herself before getting another pair of chopsticks and getting back to her seat.

Cooking was still pretty new to her. She had learned things here and there but still didn’t have a lot of experience. If Yui truly liked the food, and there was nothing other in here than the desire to have a nice meal, then she could take the girl’s happy expression as a compliment.

“So.. what were you going in my kitchen? Don’t you get food in the dining hall?” A bit curious, but still fairly neutral in her tone, Kasumi directed her eyes on Yui while posing the question.

She remembered taking things from the storage of the kitchens whenever she was hungry, and in case that it wasn’t time to eat just yet - having been a small, quick, and cheeky Shinigami had really paid off back then. By the time she made it to an officer she had spent most of her time in the world of the living, munching on the most various things over there.

Now that she thought about it, she had been hungry most of the time. Snacks, sweets, but also hearty things had always been welcome. Only the last couple of months things had calmed down. She wasn’t sure if that was because of her lack of time or something else entirely.

Allowing her attention to fully return to the here and now, again. She swallowed the rice she had been chewing on before touching upon another subject. “Now that we’re here, do you have any idea what the report you’ve delivered me is about?”

Work was still work. Reaching out to the counter she took the top file, knowing that it was what Yui had brought her a mere five minutes ago. There wasn’t much of a difference if she would start on top or at the bottom, they still had to be done today.


450/2029

Yui was seriously resisting the urge to eat like she would at home, picking up the bowl and drinking it dry straight from the container that held such deliciousness. She also wanted to dunk a roll into it and soak up anything that was trying to linger in the corners, but she was in the presence of her Captain, and as such, needed to repress these urges. She might not be around other people that often, but she knew what manners were, and she was planning on exercising them. Still, the reaction she felt from the other woman was one of curiosity and nothing more, which was better than she had hoped for. So Yui gave the Captain a grateful smile, and then continued on with her conversation, and while the respect in her tone never waivered, there was a little more warmth to her voice as well.

“I am your guest Ma’am. Feel free to continue any way you see fit.” Of course she wanted more of that soup, but if there was something better coming down the pipe, she sure wouldn’t stand in the way of progress. The next question posed though brought her pause.

Yui’s mind flashed for a moment to the large dining hall where most of the members of the squad ate, everyone developing friendships while she sat alone. The only time she got company was when someone wanted to take her seat or pick on her a bit, and she had gotten on pretty bad standings with the staff there because that usually started a fight, and broken furniture often enough resulted from it. She snapped back to reality and the only indication of the unpleasant memory was a slight dip of her violet eyes for a moment. “I do not think you can call what they serve there as proper food. I prefer what I grow and hunt over what they offer Ma’am.” Yes… a good hunt after this would do wonders to help her reflect on this interaction, and she set her mind on that idea. But that wasn’t the question asked. “And what you had smelled so good, I couldn’t help myself Ma’am. I apologize for my lack of self control. Good food is likely my greatest weakness.” It was obvious to anyone truly listening that this was the cover for a much deeper excuse, but she didn’t know the Captain well enough yet.

She couldn’t admit to wanting to test herself in such a way… it was petty and stupid to most people, but if she wanted to dig for that hidden truth, maybe Yui would share. She seemed open minded enough to maybe see it from her perspective… maybe. She asked the violet ninja about the report, to which she simply shook her head before responding audibly. “No Ma’am. It is not my business to look into matters that require your direct attention.” But damn if she wasn’t curious. This wasn’t the first time she had delivered scrolls and reports to different people, but the first time she had delivered it to the Captain.

515/2731

Sharing the rice and beef with Yui had her remember another occasion of having a meal together with someone else. Only, back then she hadn’t been the one to cook. Letting the memory be, she was curious to hear that the food they served had turned for the worse. She would have to look into the matter. Soldiers had to eat well in order to be able to fight and keep their energy reserves high. If the cooks were slacking off, or someone else was messing with the food, then she would have to whack a couple of them on the heads.

“I’m glad that you’ve notified me. It’s been a while since I was eating there. Seems to be time to take a look at what they’re serving over there.” Meat, fish, rice, bread, veggies and fruits should be a standard part of the menu. Of course, Kasumi could imagine that between just preparing it and being creative with the given ingredients wasn’t the same.

“As for the kitchen business, I don’t mind you eating the food that’s in my kitchen, but I don’t approve of you doing so without my permission.” Eyeing the girl, she wondered if she understood the problem. Kasumi wasn’t greedy, she simply disliked people nosing around her place.

“What do you think would have happened if I had found you in my bedroom?” She questioned with her eyes turning a bit colder. Honestly, she wasn’t even sure what would have happened, but she imagined that Kaido would have been a good skill to have.

At least she hadn’t read the report - because she was only the messenger. The captain did appreciate that.

“Honestly, it still seems a bit odd to me that your excuse is the lack of control.” Giving Yui a brief pause, she then continued. “How long have you been a part of the Second?”

Lies wouldn’t work out here, Kasumi still planned to get a file on the girl later on. If she would mess around it would only make her look suspicious again. It was unlikely that she wanted to do that. The Seconds members were the ones who took lives in the middle of the night, that’s why Yui should be more than just aware of the possibility of becoming a target, even in her unseated position.


388/2417

Yui mentally cringed but made no outward sign regarding the idea of her going and finding out why the food was sub-par in the dining hall. After all, a little investigation and she would discover the truth, but that was fine if it happened that way. She was still a bit ashamed at her lack of ability to control her emotions sometimes, especially when it came to her sense of equality through the ranks. Certainly there was a huge difference in power, capability and responsibility, but when it boiled right down to it, both Yui and the Captain were people with goals and dreams and worries like anyone else. Why shouldn’t they be viewed as equals at least as the individual souls they were? People too narrow minded to see that and willing to make her feel insignificant for something like her size was definitely NOT in her book of tolerable behaviors.

The next part was something she had sort of predicted was coming; Captain Kasumi was calling her out on her little cover story for the roll. The next comment had her mind rolling into the gutter for a moment regarding if she had been hiding in her bedroom. Hopefully something way more interesting than your cooking… She quickly shook the thought from her mind and spoke clearly, turning a bit scarlet for a moment. “You would have likely killed me thinking I was trying to attack you, Ma’am!” She was a deep shade of red in her face, but luckily the topic turned quickly back to the reason why she had tried to steal the roll in the first place.

She took a breath, let it out slowly, and started with the simplest answer. “It was a challenge Ma’am.” She knew that wouldn’t be enough, so she continued after a very short pause. “It was a challenge to my skill in stealth, as well as an assessment on my part in your skills of detection. The only proper challenge is one that involves risk. Although… I was not lying about wanting to see if what a Captain eats is superior in ingredients to what I make myself.” It had just been extra incentive. “I have been in this Division for 410 years.” The last sentence had a fair bit of shame to it. Here she was, struggling, when only a pair of years ago, Kasumi had first appeared… she remembered when she first heard of her, rising through the ranks of the Gotei like some prodigy while she wallowed in the pit of her own inability.

While Yui made no motion or expression, her eyes glued to her plate, under her lips were clenched teeth.

She wouldn’t hold it against her. Why should she? It wasn’t the Captain’s fault that she was a miserable soul incapable of growing in strength. Her skill was good, solid even at a seated level… but her power was lacking like it always was. She couldn’t handle Kidou, her swordsmanship was sloppy, and while her Hakudo was on point, she lacked the power to truly make an impact in any way. It was her own fault… and she was willing to accept that for now. After a silent moment, she silently drew a breath and slowly released it, calming herself, and looked back up to Captain Kasumi. The look in her eyes was completely devoid of the playful happiness they had a few moments ago, but instead filled with the hunger to become stronger.

A few blinks, and those violet eyes resumed their previous demeanor, and she gave a small but fake smile, doing her best to conceal the pain in her voice. “This is really good too. We must exchange recipe’s sometime, Ma’am.”

621/3352

A challenge?

Well.. Kasumi had to admit that she was slightly surprised. Not because of someone doing something so dumb that she might have done it herself in the past, but because Yui was hundreds of years older than her and still did something.. so reckless.

Of course she knew that looks could deceive and Shinigami could easily be way older than what you would give them judging by their appearance, but this was really stretching it. Over four decades this woman had been serving the Second. God knew how old she truly was. Kasumi wasn’t planning on asking.

“That’s quite a while.” she commented while progressing the info. To her Yui appeared to be honest enough to believe.. and having been a disaster of a Shinigami herself she couldn’t just throw this confession out of the window.

“Interesting.” the mumble was meant for herself. It wasn’t even about the food or the challenge in general anymore. The change in Yui’s presence was what had gotten her attention. A thin trace of something akin to - was it annoyance that she felt radiating from the other Shinigami?

The tension in her jaw surely suggested something unpleasant to be going through the girl’s mind. Now Kasumi wanted to know what it was. Especially because Yui wasn’t hiding it as good as she thought that she did. The exchange of recipes seemed like a weak attempt at changing the topics, and that’s why the Captain didn’t take the bait.

“Maybe we will, but first I would like to know what’s with the sulking?” It really was the only way she could describe the change in attitude. The brief fire in those purple eyes had been something Kasumi knew to have herself when she felt challenged, but knew better than to act out of place. There might be some other occasions on which her eyes grew harder, steadier and hungrier, but she would rather pull the real reason out of Yui than sitting trying to guess what had caused it. Who knew how long that might take?

“And about the training, don’t you have anyone to spar with? Division members? Friends from the Academy, those from other divisions, or acquaintances you’ve made during your missions?”


371/2788

Yui was not well practiced in dealing with other people, spending majority of the time by herself and avoiding people. She was a failure as a Shinigami, and she damn well knew it, but it didn’t mean she liked to be seen as such be her peers and superiors. She wasn’t a team player, but she had known that since the beginning, her strength lying in the ability to accomplish her missions quickly and quietly. She had a vast array of skills that others couldn’t boast; the ability to use her Shikai not a short distance down on the list, but her power was lacking in more ways than she wanted to admit… and now she was being asked to confess this all to the person in charge of the division she had served for over four decades. Who, in comparison, was still green behind the ears, but eclipsed her in power and skill several times over.

The fake smile faded from her lips, and Yui gently set down her chopsticks, trying to steel her mind and heart for what she must do now. She looked into the Captain’s eyes for a moment, and there was something different about their look now; it wasn’t hunger, it wasn’t her messing around with her young mentality, but of seriousness. What she was about to say was not easy to swallow, and she didn’t want her to think any part of it was a joke or simple banter. “Forgive me,” she started, knowing that this would need to come before anything else, “but if you want the truth, I cannot do so as a subordinate to their Captain. Instead… as a soul to another.” She wanted to explain, and now that she was on the verge of it, she realized how much it had been weighing on her tiny shoulders, and the chance to offload that burden even for a moment was a moment she could not pass up.

“I’m sure you must have guessed by now… but a Shinigami who has been serving, training and fighting for four decades within this division is nothing more than a failure even on the conceptual level. I have experience and skill that comes with ceaseless work to better myself and survive in this world… but I cannot gain power. I can barely perform Kido, and my spiritual stamina is that of a member of Rugonkai. I compensate with skill, using extreme precision to ensure I waste nothing, but it is not enough. Without power, plain and simple, all the skill and experience in the world adds up to nothing more than a means to scrape by. I am cursed, I have speculated, with the inability to grow, both physically and as a Shinigami… and it causes a lot of the other members to look down on me. In truth, I do not blame them, even if it causes my anger to rise and get out of control. I am not angry with my fellow members pointing out a fact, but instead at my own inability to make them acknowledge me with my strength.” She gave a pause for a moment… a tear slipping from her right eye, rolling down her face and slipping off her chin.

“I train… I train harder than anyone I know, and yet I get no where it seems. I even go so far as to challenge those I know I have no chance against, and I fight with everything I am… and nothing ever changes. Even Shiva doesn’t understand it…” she unconsciously placed a hand on the hilt of her Zanpakutou for a moment before sliding off and hanging back by her side. “I don’t understand my purpose in this world anymore. Why has the hand of Fate decided to hold me back? Why can’t I break through the surface of my own weakness?” The tears were streaming now, but she made no motion to try to wipe them away. Let them fall. Another sign of her inability to control her emotions. So be it. “I do not know what to do anymore. Waking up every day, the same routine… trapped in an endless loop. I don’t need pity. I don’t have friends. I don’t want to be coddled. I want to be strong. I want to be seen as an equal. More than anything in the entire world.”

Her gaze never broke eye contact or even blinked, and while there was tempered steel resolve lurking behind those purple irises, they also bespoke of terrible pain and solitude. “That is the truth, Ma’am, and I apologize again for not being able to speak to you with the respect your rank deserves.” It was very possible that this breach in etiquette could get her in a world of trouble, but damnit, she was the one who asked, so she was going to get her answer. But that respect of her position was back, and it wouldn't happen again.

827/4179

“Well.. you already are eating dinner with me.” This was far from a formal situation and she assumed that Yui knew that much. However, the woman shouldn’t think that Kasumi wouldn’t still act the way a Captain should if it would be called for.

The difference between the Gotei leaders and their subordinates was that the higher you climbed the less you could distance yourself from your what you had accomplished already. It wasn’t even because you grew attached to the title or were doing your duties, it was - in Kasumi’s mind - because the title and you became one entity. The Captain of the Second was Shinoda Kasumi and nobody else. Everything related to the title was connected to her, of course, but that was because she gave the title its meaning. She could mold the division the way she saw fit, shape it into the perfect weapon to achieve everything she thought to be necessary. That’s why while they could drop the formalities, she would still be who she was.

And it appeared that Yui, unlike Kas, hadn’t been able to accept herself yet.

The tears rolled down her cheeks but the young Captain didn’t move to help her out. It would probably only embarrass the woman further to have her eyes being wiped by someone else while baring her soul.

“I see,” Kasumi finally replied somewhat stiffly. She understood the words but wasn’t certain if she could really understand the woman. As long as she could remember she had kept on growing naturally. Chasing dreams, thoughts, ideas - she had done that, but hadn’t actually chased people. Somehow she had always been confident that she would grow stronger. Only lately she had gotten some doubts about where the limit was. Having brushed the beyond with her fingertips she naturally wanted to go further, but was unable to.

Was this how Yui felt right now?

Stuck?

“Perhaps that’s the problem” she wondered out loud, “perhaps the routine is what’s keeping you in one place.” Putting down her chopsticks she crossed her arms in front of her chest while leaning back a little. Long ivory hair fell over her shoulder as she tilted her head to the side.

“There are some tissues there, if you need any.” Pausing enough to let Yui make a decision, she then continued with the same neutral voice from before. Not too cold, not too warm. Even. “What are you tasked with the most nowadays?”


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Yui was silently but infinitely thankful that the Captain hadn’t reached out to her during her moment of weakness. Strength and Position aside, Kasumi was a child in comparison to Yui when it came to age and experience, but that was one of the reasons that this entire ordeal was more shameful than anything else. She wasn’t appealing to someone who was older and wiser, but instead she was venting to someone who was simply so much stronger than she was that she must have discovered something that the little purple ninja had not in four decades of searching. To add to the growing respect she had for the Captain though, she acknowledged the confession with a fair amount of tact and respect, to which she had Yui’s sincere gratitude.

And then she spit out an idea, and Yui’s blinked twice, forgoing the offered tissue in favor of her fore-arm warmers, wiping her entire face all at once. The routine was the problem? But that was why she challenged people and herself so much, was because she tried to push her limits even if her job wouldn’t. But now the woman was inquiring about what kind of missions she was being given, and that brought her out of her emotional state just a bit and back into the mindset of work. “I perform most rudimentary tasks for the squad, such as cleaning, maintenance of equipment, inventory, and delivering of reports. Things that the higher members cannot be bothered with.” It was the truth, she was the equivalent of the errand girl, sent on chores and rudimentary tasks because she either lacked the strength to perform actual missions or someone higher wanted the glory for themselves.

But where was this going? Surely she understood that simply breaking out of the routine wasn’t the basis of the problem… Yui had tried doing what she could in that regard, pushing herself beyond the envelope of her comfort zone, and performing tasks that weren’t even known to be on the docket quite yet so no one could steal them from her. It happened anyways sometimes, but she got a few in here and there. Lately, the reason she was able to rise through the ranks like she had was because she had more skill than some of the members she was passing up and was able to outmaneuver them. But she had hit that wall, so what idea did she have that Yui herself hadn’t already thought of?

The little ninja was far from cynical, but instead she was raptured by the idea… obviously, Captain Kasumi definitely knew something she didn’t, because it had taken her the blink of an eye to grow twenty times stronger than Yui herself had been fighting and clawing to reach for an eternity. So maybe this was the secret, some hidden facet or task that would finally let her break the surface and gain something other than desperation and taste hope again. It was something that she had long forgotten the feeling of…

Hope.

"What would you have me do, Captain?" The tone was starkly different from anything heard so far... this was... excitement? It even sounded foreign to her own ears just a bit, and her fists clenched, new purpose flooding her veins. She could get strong... she would put her faith in Captain Kasumi, and do whatever it took.

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Perhaps that was the reason she hadn’t been moving forward the way she wanted to. For the most part of her, fairly short, life, Kasumi had been throwing herself into all type of fights. At first those had been Hollow and fellow spiritualists, later on Shinigami and Arrancar. The best trainings she got were the ones where her opponent wasn’t squeezing every bit of her energy, but still pushed her to the limit.

Stronger attacks, more complicated spells, other ways of using her Shikai in an attempt to gain an advantage or even out the ground between her and her opponent. Those had been mixed into an endless circle only interrupted by food and naps.

She frowned. Had Kiriko given her so much leeway because she was already strong or because it would simply give her the space to grow further?

An idea was rapidly forming in her mind, but she wasn’t sure if it was a good one. It wouldn’t be hard to replace Yui with a newcomer from the Academy - the tasks she performed weren’t out of a recruit’s reach. That wasn’t the problem here. The other half of the idea was. Giving her missions that brought her closer to action which she couldn’t handle yet might end with her death. And while lots of Shinigami passed on due to the conflicts between them, the Hollow, and the other races, sending a weak Shinigami to her death wasn’t something the Captain thought to be a good investment.

“Do you really want to grow?” she didn’t think that she had to really ask, but still did. Another thing that she wanted to hear was how far the woman was willing to go to accomplish her goal. “Can you take risks? Not for the sake of a successful mission or when the situation calls for you to, but when it can be avoided. Just doing it for yourself.”

Oh, and last, but not least. “Are you afraid of pain?”

Nobody liked pain, well, most people didn’t. Still, there was a difference between finding it annoying and running from it.


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“Do you really want to grow?”

She was kidding with that question, right? No… she wasn’t, and Yui had a feeling that there was far more to it than the base words… it was a warning. Whatever it was that was lurking in the mind of Captain Kasumi was beyond a simple mission to test her limits, but something that was an outright risk to the ninja’s life. So, without responding yet, Yui continued to listen, not reacting just yet, not even in the slightest… she would wait until the questions were over.

“I already have Ma’am.” A slight pause, getting her undivided attention to that statement for a moment. “I wanted to test myself against a Captain on a whim. If you had been less lenient and understanding, you could have cut me down and not a single person would have bat an eye. I knew that when I committed to the act. A task without risk isn’t worth even undertaking… only accepted when there is no other choice.” A smile graced the young Shinigami’s face, and that hunger, redoubled, lit the fire in her soul yet again. “Pain is just the price of giving everything you have towards that task. It means that it was worth doing.”

Another pause, and the smile deepened to where she was almost baring her teeth, like a predator who had been starving finally finding prey. She wasn’t directing that predatory sense towards the Captain, oh no… but towards whatever it was that stood in her way. “It can’t be nearly as painful as running in place… and I think I can do it for more than just myself… but for you too, Captain Kasumi.” It was not a small thing, what was just said. In the past hour, she had gained the undisputed respect of Yui, someone several hundred years her senior. This was why she was a Captain… why she felt that she could bare her soul to this woman. It had nothing to do with age, power or position… and everything to do with what she was capable of.

“There isn’t a cut or blow that could ever compare to that pain.” Yui would go to the depths of Heuco Mundo if that’s what it took… How many years had it been since she felt this kind of yearning? The desperation that had haunted her, just beneath the surface and hidden by her reckless and youthful demeanor, was all but gone without a trace. But this was an all or nothing deal; she had finally felt alive again, and she would not allow herself to sink back into the depths of her depression and go through the days like a machine. This would either be her salvation, or her death, and there was no middle ground. But if that was what it took to finally breach through that wall she had been pounding on with her fists after so many years, then she would without a single regret.

Yui would win, or she would die. That’s all there was to it.

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“Yes, but testing yourself against someone who isn’t even aware isn’t truly testing. It’s being sneaky and applying skills. Of course it’s a good way to see with how much you would get away with given the situation being similar later on. You are a part of the Second, it’s quite obvious.” She stopped, eyes calm but hard. If Yui really thought that she had tried to test herself against her Captain then she was mistaken. “If you had wanted to truly see where you stood next to me then you would have challenged me for my haori.”

No, of course she knew that that would have been a terrible idea, but that was the point. A leap so great would have been complete madness, but one a bit smaller might actually drive her further. Yui spoke of being cut down when being caught, but that wasn’t the type of risk or pain Kasumi had meant.

“If hadn’t caught you, then you would have known that you’re better at hiding than me, but now that I have, you know that you’re worse. Still, neither of those two have helped you with becoming better at it.” Training wasn’t about seeing where you stood, a bit, but it was mostly about going further than you have been before.

Getting up she picked her sword from the ground and attached the sheath back to her hip. After a short moment of thinking she decided to try and see if Yui had been following her train of thoughts. “Imagine that I decide to cut you down for what you’ve done. Right now, right here.”

Slowly putting her hand on Vör’s hilt she didn’t draw the double-edged sword. Instead, she stood still while letting a bit of her reiatsu seep out into the kitchen. Cold filled the room and a moment later their breaths were visible as tiny clouds of white.

“So.. what’s going to happen next. I cut you, you wake up healed by Kaido, you know you’re worse at reiatsu perception than me, you’ve been caught and hurt, you’ve had pain, you’ve payed the price for your new knowledge.” Letting it sink in, she let her sword click. It moved up an inch, but she didn’t pull it out further.

“Unfortunately, that knowledge is empty. The bleeding will be in vain, and you’ll have gained nothing of real value.”

Standing there, she waited for Yui to speak or do something. This would decide whether or not she understood what Kasumi was on about. If she did, then there was hope for her to accept the way of life and make use of its structure to become better, stronger. The other side of the card was Kasumi cutting her down and having her wake up in the hospital, from there on the Captain would forget about this little creature that’s been in her kitchen. And the latter would have to deal with chasing her dreams while still running in one place.


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Yui listened, but the words didn’t quite register at first. What did she mean it wasn’t truly testing herself? Certainly she was joking. No, her tone was that spoke of utter seriousness… she wasn’t even acknowledging the way of thinking, but instead it felt like she was more disappointed than anything. But what truly shocked the little ninja, more than anything that was said so far, was that she stated that the little Shinigami should have challenged the Captain outright for her title as Captain. Her purple eyes were wide in the shock of that statement, unable to process it for the simple fact that it was…

Her? Clawing and scraping at the bottom of the barrel, outright Challenge the Captain for her seat? She couldn’t even challenge a seated member at the bottom rung yet! It was like goldfish saying they were going to take down a shark. In comparison, she didn’t even have teeth… She didn’t realize that her shocked gaze had fallen from the Captain’s eyes and cemented themselves at her feet, but the Captain spoke again, and the violet gaze returned to Kasumi’s, listening intently, even if what she was saying didn’t quite register as a pill that she could swallow just yet. It was too much… and there wasn’t enough information to go off of… but she seemed to be trying to explain, so Yui payed attention, trying to understand.

But then she stood, attached her sword, and asked a question that was another blow to her gut. She could imagine it… being cut down here wouldn’t be hardly a thing to even mention, and even Yui had mentioned that it was a possible outcome she had considered. How had she said that so casually and with determination? No, that was just insanity… what had she truly been thinking? Was she so desperate that her sense of self had shrank to the point where she was craving death? Without realizing it, Yui had a single hand on Shiva, slightly behind her back, but she made no motion to draw it, not even recognizing that she was grabbing the hilt.

And she was shaking, just a bit. It wasn’t the chill that had suddenly engulfed her body that caused the shake, but instead pure, unadulterated realization of the truth. She wasn’t saying this because she legitimately was trying to make Yui scared, even though that fear was definitely sitting near the core of her soul at the moment.. she was saying it because Yui had lost a grip on reality with her way of thinking. The sword clicked as the rest of the words registered in her mind, and again, Yui’s eyes had sank to the feet of her Captain, and a bead of sweat stung with bitter cold as it traced down the side of her face.

Had what she been doing up until now really that pointless? All the times she had challenged herself with little tests of her skill like this, had she really just been inviting death, increasing the risk as she went? If so, why was she still alive? Their good graces? Their pity? Because they couldn’t be bothered to deal with such an insignificant nuisance? Every word that Captain Kasumi was saying was completely true… and after a moment, Yui’s breathing, which had begun to pick up as the shock sank in, slowed and steadied. A deep inhale, and a slow but steady exhale billowed a cloud of white and she finally reconnected her gaze with the fellow shinigami’s, and the look in those eyes was that of a completely different person… like someone who had just woken up from a nightmare and was pissed that it scared the hell out of them.

Yui stood very slowly, finally realizing where her hand was and returning it to her side, not wanting to even make the Captain think that she was drawing. She then tilted her entire upper body in a bow. “Thank you for opening my eyes Captain. It seems I have been wasting a lot of time with pointless ‘tests’ that amounted to little.” She came out of the bow and reconnected her gaze to the other woman with pure determination, colder than the air in which they breathed. “I apologize for my intrusion and petty theft. It will not happen again. I will look for a different angle to approach the problem of my own weakness, Ma’am.” She fully expected to be dismissed at this point. It wasn’t the Captain’s responsibility to teach their soldiers how to grow strong, but instead simply place them on the right path. But she would be lying if she didn’t say that she truly and honestly hoped that this didn’t happen. She hadn’t been able to open up to anyone in decades… this had been the first time, and she wanted to learn more from this obviously capable individual.

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Watching Yui move her arm back, Kasumi waited with a stony expression. If she would pull her sword and strike then it would be the last thing she did today. Luckily, the smaller Shinigami appeared to come to her senses. Slowly the shaking was subsiding, and then came a deep inhale. Silently the Captain encouraged her to understand, to accept the idea of there being another way. Of course it wouldn’t be easy, especially not after such a long time of living your life according to a certain routine.

It’s why Kasumi was proud to see the look in Yui’s eyes shift. It wasn’t anger, at least not the aggressive and arrogant type. She didn’t draw, didn’t shake - and when she spoke, she thanked her. That was something impressive. To realize that you were wrong took a lot, but to admit it was a truly grand step.

“Your apology is accepted.” she calmly stated while the cold around them disappeared. Letting the sword slide back she gave it a soft push until it clicked into place again.

“Do sit down, we’ll have a cup of tea. I hope that you like green tea.” Gesturing at the spot Yui had been occupying before getting up, she turned to get two cups.

The tea was still fairly warm, not incredibly hot, but pleasant. She poured the cups before handing one to the smaller Shinigami. Instead of fumbling with her sheath again, Kasumi chose to lean against the counter. Lazily sipping from the tea she hummed a bit while wondering what would challenge Yui without putting her into real danger. After a couple of long moments she thought to have an idea.

“Let’s continue in my office.”

Grabbing the pile of papers and her cup, she then walked back to her desk. There were empty files for future reports and orders. She picked one, sat down behind her desk, put the cup next to the fountain pen and looked up at Yui.

“Shokotsuki Yui, right?”

The girl was free to sit down or stand, Kasumi didn’t pay attention to whatever the other one thought to be more comfortable. Instead, she picked up the pen and wrote the name down. Adding the order to find a replacement from the Academy for the tasks currently done by Yui, because they were not suited for a full fledged Shinigami, she signed off as ‘Shinoda Kasumi’ and added the date.

Letting the sheet rest to make sure that the ink would dry, she pulled a fresh one from the pile and started to write down more orders. Two supervised missions to the world of the living - both patrols. The ones she had done during her time right after the Academy had been both challenging and exciting. Hopefully Yui would have a great time and learn from the trips. That would be a start.

Rolling up the first one, she placed a seal on it, then did the same with the other file. While she could have sent a butterfly, it was better to have Yui give these personally so they would know who to expect.

“This one, if for you current superior. I’m not sure who’s supervising most of your tasks, but they’ll have to find someone else to replace you. The second one,” she help up the second roll of Yui to take. “puts you with the department of the world of the living. You’ll do two patrols with them and then report back to me. Understood?”

Waiting for the girl to take them, she wondered if there would be any questions.


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