Old Stories [Germany, Closed]

“But are you not happy with yourself in most mistakes you make? You can’t always look forward to the future and expect things to go your way.” she countered as soon as he was done. The more she thought about her own mistakes she rubbed the back of her neck and huffed out. How could one just move on? Just thinking about it made her frustrated - wishing she could just fix this problem but knew her soul just wasn’t strong enough or had any unique power, in fact, she hated her own and never really used it much.

“Guess that’s just who you are,” she muttered to herself. “ No time to think of those you loved.” Finally, she moved away from the rail and sat down in her chair as standing was getting too much effort lately even if she was a few months away from getting these babies out. She let out an exhale, still refusing to look at him and continued once more. “Is there anything in the future you would like to be doing? Why don’t you care for love?” she barraged him once again with questions.

190/3604=3794

His brow arched slowly as she tried to counter what he was saying-- and he would slowly lean forward.

"So-- let me put it this way, what has thinking about your mistakes given you? Have you magically fixed them? Time travel? Because I doubt it highly. Realizing you made the mistake is more than enough. Lingering on it afterward just distracts you from the things in front of you that actually matters." Learning from your mistakes was critical-- but lingering on them did nothing. He was fairly sure that she was confusing "learning from your mistakes" with obsessing over them-- and perhaps, that was her true curse, that was her "obsession".

Slowly he would allow his gaze to soften as she clarified that it was "just who he was". Slowly, he would lean back. "The ones I trusted, are dead, Freyleif. They're dead-- and many of them are dead because of my mistakes, my ineptitude." Slowly, he sighed-- pushing himself up to stand as he lifted his hands to his shirt, tugging it up-- and off, something she had seen plenty enough by now, as he instead lifted his arm-- and the names that were listed down his torso all the way down. Tugging the edge of his pants leg up, revealed them all the way down to his ankle.

"Now tell me. Does it look like I never think about them, Freyleif?" he murmured-- and this time his tone was far less kind, there was a harsh edge to it as he looked down at the girl. "I think about them-- but what I don't do is let those mistakes matter to me. I don't let them hinder who I am tomorrow-- because obsessing over them will do nothing-- for them, or me. You have to learn that difference. You have to learn to put your past behind you, and realize that learning from it-- recalling fond memories-- does not mean you allow it to take over the present." Slowly, he lowered his pant leg, tugging the shirt back over his head as he slowly released a breath.

"I have never loved anyone-- but that doesn't mean that I haven't cared for them. I don't believe in love the way most people do-- it's nothing but a selfish desire that we are driven by due to the dopamine that is released when we are around someone we "love". It is nothing but being happy around someone." He stated this bluntly as he adjusted his shirt, her aggressive questions seeming to try and pressure him into being uncomfortable, or not having an answer, but she was without luck.

"My future has always been simple-- live as happily as I can, without regret, helping as many people as I can along the way-- however I can do that best is all that matters, and clinging to the past and my failures is not on my list of things that are worth my time." His eyes stared down at the girls as he placed his arms calmly behind his back, not intimidated in the slightest by her barrage, in fact, hoping that his words got through that tough teenage skull full of regrets resting on her shoulders.

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She snorted when he commented on the ‘what has thinking about your mistakes have given you?’ but he was right - going on and thinking about mistakes just hindered your progress. She wished she could just magically fix this ‘obsession’ in her soul but it wouldn’t be easy and she may just have to live with it and try to ignore its drive. She eyed him as he stood up and tugged off his shirt and huffed softly. Her eyes trailed on the names he had embedded in his skin and clenched her hands trying to keep herself calm.

“You do think about them..” she trailed off and just stared up at his eyes not turning away this time. Her nostrils flared and she let out another snort when he said he never ‘loved’ but it made sense with him being in the military - there was just no time for that sort of thing. Though it did make her nerves twist in the thought of wishing someone would love her and actually understand her feelings and vice versa, with her current relationship it just seemed to be a bumbled and that frustrated her. The chair started to creak from the pressure of spiritual energy leaking off her form though it stayed tightly wrapped enough not to affect Erek.

“I see,” she held back her anger and let out a sigh. “I’m sure your life will go on smoothly with that mindset.” she still didn’t break eye contact and forced a small smile even though she felt like breaking something about now.

260/3794=4054

Anger. At herself-- her situation? Both, likely. It was understandable but it wasn't a healthy way to deal with it, at least she was managing to control her wrath even as her spiritual pressure wrapped around her- his hand lifted, and gently placed itself on her head. Finally answering her final statement as she smiled up at him-- and his voice was gentle. "I'm sure it won't," he countered her statement simply, "Your mindset doesn't magically change the world around you. The only thing it changes is how you deal with what the worlds throwing at you-- my life is going to be hell, it always had been. The difference is I won't let it rule that over my head-- life's a bitch. I've gotten over it." Erek's shoulders rose and fell in a simple shrug, and he pet her head gently.

"That's enough of that though. Take slow breaths-- if you let yourself get too worked up you'll regret it, no?" A slight smile formed on his lips, petting her gently to ease her, content to wait as long as she needed to cool her head and let it go.

"Think about what I've said-- but don't stress yourself over it. As I've said-- there is nothing that's "impossible" only things that take more power, and time-- and changing your mindset, to begin with-- is already a difficult endeavor to endure. One step at a time." With this, he would let the subject drop-- ruffling her hair playfully at the end of his petting to instead glance out over the castle grounds, releasing a slight breath as he would lean against the railing.

She'd brought up things he usually didn't think about-- the faces attached to each of those names ingrained into his skin. Faces he usually only saw in his dreams, joking, smoking, drinking with him-- even a few of them brawling with him because they disagreed with his orders. A slight, sad smile formed on his lips at the memories-- before a slow breath left his lips as he pushed himself up slowly and glanced down at her before he spoke.

"We should go inside-- hate to have you catch a cold atop everything else, no?" He motioned toward the door behind them with a slight smile-- he should likely go down to his room anyway, didn't need rumors of him spending the entire night in the Queen's chambers. They didn't need those idiotic rumors dancing around the castle, their friendship alone already caused enough raised brows and jealousy when it was their own faults for not stepping up and just treating the girl with respect.

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That petting again. She let out a low growl as he spoke to her again but held her tongue from snapping at him, her eyes narrowed and her hands turned even paler complexion and shook slightly. A ticking bomb nearly ready to explode but she took a deep breath and exhaled; he was going to continue to treat her like a child even though she was short. Slowly her reiatsu melded back into her form as she let out a breath trying to control the beast inside her wanting to tear everything away and her problems.

Deep breaths.

“I’ll think about it. Not like I’ve done it so many times before.” she rubbed at her chest to ease out the burning sensation and let out an exhale. Thinking about it now just made her blood boil - the conversation was going so great until she rambled off into her problems again; people just made her feel inferior around again.

“Fine,” she spat out irritatedly, letting the subject drop before getting up. “I’m sure you’re tired anyway and have so much to do tomorrow and don't need to listen to my problems.” she fixed up her tiara before promptly moving back inside her room. She moved across the room to place her tiara on top of its headpiece and just stared at it for awhile as the tears began to well up and streak down her cheeks as she let loose her frustrations.

“Why do I continue living and suffering? ” she mentally sighed and wiped away the tears with a shaky hand and moved towards the bed to flop on and curl up among the soft pillows.

275/4054=4329