Why you should not fight Vizards [LC]

There are three major components to an LC grade:

• 000-200 Points: Setting the stage
• 100-400 Points: Character Development
• 000-400 Points: Choreography / Writing / "Cool" Factor

Setting the Stage ~ 000/200
The introduction of both character's "evil sides", starting with Janus' brother and then capstoning with Jeremy, was sufficient use of foreshadowing, intentional or otherwise. However, in terms of actually building up tension and pushing buttons until things exploded all at once, there was very little. The fight just sort of happened far too suddenly for it to really "feel good" for the reader.

Character Development ~ 200/400
You're certainly right in that this really asserts how small and insignificant Janus' knowledge on the real world is, however all of that is mostly condensed to just the final few posts at the end of the thread (though, to be fair, that's where the actual combat is). Getting your ass handed to you will certainly do wonders on shaking up your opinion on something. I sort of wish you would have sprinkled in more of Janus' rapidly changing opinions on the spiritual world throughout multiple posts instead of only in one or two posts.

Choreography ~ 000/400
Blowing up the bed and breakfast was very nice, and a good attention to detail on Raph's part, however I can't say there was too much Janus actually did that had me going "huh, that's pretty neat." From your end of the story, things were pretty cut and dry in terms of combat.

Additionally, the writing was rather subpar at times, boiling down to very long blocks of dialogue that did little to actually progress the narrative or give any interesting insight to the characters. Working on your descriptive paragraphs and knowing which details to focus in on, and which to only briefly touch on, will take your writing a long way and help elevate further combat scenes.

Total Earned GP ~ 200