How Do I Rise From This [Closed, Yuudai]

Yuudai awoke, his dream fading from his memory quickly. I haven't had a dream like that in a while. The dream itself had mainly consisted of a memory that had occurred before the plague, but even as Yuudai began to think of it, it faded.  Damn. Guess I won't know what it was.

Yuudai looked around at his room. He had since been upgraded, but that wasn't due to anything on Yuudai's part. Mostly, it came down to the fact that the previous tenant had died from the plague, driven insane before finally committing suicide within this very room. It didn't bother Yuudai, but for some reason, a lot of other Shinigami were troubled by that, hence the reason Yuudai was the only one to obtain such a nice living space.

Guess I'd better get ready for the day. Yuudai, who waited a few more minutes trying to prolong the inevitable, finally stood up and stretched out his tired muscles. He had been going to training in the morning less and less, opting to sleep in more and doing training later and later into the night. You know, this isn't healthy for you. Museihei spoke to Yuudai in a concerned voice, but Yuudai simply brushed him off. I honestly don't give a damn.

Today was supposed to be a light day in terms of work, with basic patrolling and monitoring of the various green Shinigami. Pretentious little brats. It seemed that the quality of recruits had deteriorated rapidly ever since the plague first broke out. This wasn't because the teachers at the academy were slacking off. Rather, it was due to the fact that so many Shinigami were dying so rapidly that they had no choice but to boost the Shinigami numbers as quickly as possible.

What a waste of time.

Yuudai, having pulled on his robes, looked at himself in his mirror. There were serious bags under his eyes, his usually bright green eyes dull with sleep and fatigue, and his mouth was ever locked into a grim frown. You look like hell. Thanks.

As Yuudai walked out of the room, he felt a warm ray of sun hit his body. The sun was out today and the sky is blue. Yuudai was sick of that blue sky. That same blue sky watched over as Shinigami died left and right, as his friends suffered, as he suffered. Really need to talk to whoever's in charge of the weather. Some rain and grey clouds would be nice once in a while.

Yuudai's steps, which had been brisk and efficient not that long ago, were heavy and slow. It was about normal walking speed, but the weight of every footstep was like a stone upon stone. Maybe today I'll find something interesting.

Yuudai walked around, watching over the various Shinigami who went about their daily jobs. Normally the entire place would be bursting at the seams with Shinigami, but now it was more like a smattering here and there. Always the same, huh? Yuudai nodded his agreement, which provoked a younger Shinigami to look at Yuudai, wondering if he was ok. From his perspective, it seemed like Yuudai was having a conversation with himself, a fairly alarming sign of the plague these days.

Stupid fucker. The young Shinigami demanded to see his blade. This was standard procedure since a rusted blade was a key indicator of infection. I have no time for this.

Yuudai quickly whipped out his Zanpakutō, the blade instantly at the Shinigami's neck. "Do you see any rust, boy?" The target of Yuudai's question, who by this point had nearly fainted, quickly shook his head. Yuudai lowered his blade, and the frightened Shinigami went about his work faster than before.

Now why do you have to do that every time someone asks about it? You look like a bully. Because I have no time for repeating myself. It tires me out.

Yuudai soon came to a warehouse, where it seemed like some Shinigami were hard at work disposing of the contents of dead Shinigami's packs. This actually didn't bother Yuudai, as he himself had done this plenty of times. It seemed though that a Shinigami was back talking his superior, angrily talking about how these men and women deserve a proper burial. Fucking pathetic. We don't want the plague spreading, so just shut up already. The superior, who had the same mindset as Yuudai, quickly sliced through the younger Shinigami's sword.

Nice technique. Yuudai couldn't exactly see the superior, but he was impressed by the swordsmanship. He couldn't make out the face exactly until a flame came bursting out from the man's Zanpakutō.

What? I've seen that before... It was an old memory, before the plague. He had remembered a Shinigami in the Fifth, someone who Yuudai had taken out on his first mission... The light brightened up the man's face, and Yuudai had no more doubts.

Yuudai's mouth dropped open, then he quickly shut it as he walked towards the door of the warehouse. The man's back was turned to Yuudai, which meant he probably didn't know he was there. Yuudai crossed his arms, still amazed at this coincidence.

"Kalen Tiriar. Son of a bitch. Glad to see you've survived the plague. Haven't seen you in a hot fucking minute."



Word Count: 883
Total Word Count: 883
GP: 17

The bodies burned away, bags and clothes and all. They were a few feet apart each, allowing one of the recruits to sweep up the ashes without getting them mixed together. They'd then be put int ocontainers and sent off somewhere to be mailed to any of their remaining friends or relatives with a mass-produced letter of condolence. These containers were being piled up along the wall outside the warehouse, with a fresh line of bodies being lined up at the same time. It was a very efficient process, one that Kalen had had plenty of time to perfect. Kalen was just about to begin going along the line, lighting the bodies in his unique fire, when a familiar voice sounded behind him. 

A bit startled, Kalen turned around. He got an idea of who it was simply by the pattern of speach, he only knew one person with a mouth like that. Turning around, Kalen was greeted with the bearded face that comfirmed his suspicions. "Well I'll be damned," Kalen thought to himself, a small grin breaking across his face. Kalen remembered this man vividly, he was the image that came to mind when Kalen thought of strength.

Kalen quickly turned back to the row of bodies, he had already listed their names and numbers. With a quick swing of his sword, he sent a crescent shaped wave of flames over the row, ignighting each body in order. "I'll be stepping away for a moment, carry on with your assigned tasks," Kalen said calmly to the band of recruits.


Kalen made a quick jog over to where the man he considered a friend was standing, all the way thing about how he would even begin this conversation. After all, they hadn't spoken in about four or five years, and even then they had only exchanged greetings before going about their duties. Kalen didn't know if Yuudai was expecting him to bark yes sir like a good soldier, or if their relationship had remained friendly even with all the shit that was going down. Did he apologize for being useless the last time they had been on a mission together, Kalen couldn't recall properly apologizing for his lack of ability. 

In the end, Kalen decided to answer like he would have in the old days. "Hey Yuudai," Kalen said before coming into range where he could clearly see his old friend's face. "You look aweful," he blurted out in a joking manner. "It's been a long time, too bad we couldn't have met under more pleasent circumstances," Kalen said looking back at the bodies and the recruits. Kalen couldn't help but let his face slip to what could only be described as disgust as he saw the brats were already slacking off. Kalen decided to leave it for now, he and Yuudai didn't get to talk often so he thought to take the moment to catch up and talk. "So, what have you been up to while the world went to shit?" Kalen asked, he was glad that Yuudai hadn't gotten the plague. Thinking about it, Kalen doubted that anyone with a body like Yuudai's could ever get sick. Though this was no normal illness, so it was possible that normal immune systems didn't apply. After all, Kalen had lasted this long, and he didn't have even a third of the muscle Yuudai did. 

Kalen started heading back over to his recruits to get the job back on track, motioning for Yuudai to follow him.

---

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Yuudai grinned as the younger Shinigami came toward him.  I haven't seen you smile in a while. I know. It feels odd, but it doesn't feel bad.

Kalen blurted out how Yuudai looked like shit, and Yuudai couldn't help but laugh out loud at the absurdity of it. "Yeah, time's been a real bitch to me hasn't she?" At this point, Yuudai glanced past Kalen to see the younger Shinigami slacking off. Fucking disgusting. Yuudai's brow furrowed and he was about to do something when his attention was brought back to Kalen, who had asked him what Yuudai had been up to this whole time. "Well, that's a long story."

Kalen went back to try and get his recruits into line, but not before he motioned for Yuudai to follow him, to which he complied. He walked briskly over to the three Shinigami, who were laughing at this point. He stopped right in front of them, his eyes not hiding his disgust towards them. They stopped talking with each other, instead deciding to pay attention to this mammoth of a man that was before them.

"I believe your supervisor asked you to get to work. Is this what you call working?" Every word that came out of Yuudai's mouth was dripping with sarcasm and hatred, his rage barely kept in check. Two of the Shinigami were smart enough to look ashamed and begin working again. The other one, not so much. The third one stood up right in front of Yuudai, his neck craned upwards as he tried to look at Yuudai dead in the face. It's that punk from earlier who backtalked Kalen. Even without a sword, this fucker's got this much disrespect? The younger Shinigami finally spoke up. "Who the fuck are you to tell us what to do?"

Without even a millisecond having gone by, Yuudai had already pulled out his Zanpakutō and had pointed the sword at the man's neck. The man blinked, then looked at the very sharp, very dangerous instrument of death at his throat.

"Who am I? Listen well, ya little shit. I've legally killed Shinigami who were better than you, stronger than you. I would feel no remorse for your current demise. So go ahead, talk back again."

The man, who was sweating profusely, still stood his ground. Yuudai made a small cut on the man's neck with his sword, deciding that that was the easiest way to make the man comply. The man stood down quickly after that, and Yuudai resheathed his Zanpakutō. Ah, there you go. That's the Yuudai that I've known these past five years. Shut up.

Yuudai turned back to Kalen, his grim expression now replaced with a grin. "Sorry about that! Now, where were we?"



Word Count: 458
Total Word Count: 1341
GP: 26

Kalen was glad to hear the large footsteps of his friend behind him, indicating that Yuudai wasn't too busy to catch up after all this time. When Kalen couldn't get his subordinates under control, Yuudai stepped in with a tone that Kalen had never heard him use before. Honestly, Kalen didn't know if the brat that was continuously disrespectful was brave or just stupid. He opted for the latter and gave it no more thought, but couldn't help but think that Yuudai was as tired of dealing with the sorry excuses for shinigami that the academy was spitting out as he was. All the same, Kalen appreciated the assist.

Kalen was finding himself in leadership roles more and more often. In a way, he had been unofficially promoted. While Kalen didn't have a true rank, nor was he a seated officer, something he found strange considering how few people around there were who could fill those positions, it was generally accepted that those who had been around the longest were the ones you listened to. So while Kalen wasn't technically the superior of the new recruits, he could usually convince them to do what he asked. It always helped when he got the label of "Supervisor", which gave Kalen actual power over the many, many brats he had been babysitting. Even so, Kalen sometimes preferred just following orders instead of giving them. 

With work going along smoothly again thanks to Kalen's muscular companion, Kalen identified and torched another set of bodies. The numbers were coming out of order now, an indication that the third division had gotten lazy while stacking them and ended up just tossing them all in a pile. This was a rather normal behaviour, as it would go unnoticed until someone like Kalen came along and emptied the warehouse again. 

Kalen then turned his attention back to his friend, who was trying to get back to their conversation. "You were saying that what you've been doing these past few years was a long story. As for me, my daily activities have usually been...well...corpse burning," Kalen said as he nodded his head back at the warehouse of bodies. Kalen hoped that Yuudai wouldn't be disturbed by his casual tone when talking about the mountain of dead shinigami he was charged with burning. He doubted it, death had been present every day of their lives for the past five years. 

"It's kind of funny how I only get noticed when my powers are convenient to the higher-ups," Kalen joked, looking back at the flames. Kalen was one of the only people in the seireitei who could destroy reishi the way he did. Because of his unique talent, it was decided that, since whatever the plague was was most likely made of reishi, Kalen could eradicate it. which is why nearly every corpse resulting from the plague went through his flames before getting any kind of funeral. Nobody could afford even the possibility of the plague cultivating underground, and since it was never determined if the plague was viral or bacterial, or something else altogether, the best bet was to assure its eradication as best they could. 

"Though sometimes I think I'd prefer it if I was never noticed. Doing the same thing every day is a fucking nightmare. Honestly, at this rate, I'll go insane even without the plague," Kalen said. It was meant as a joke, but even Kalen couldn't laugh at it. Before the silence got any more awkward, or worse, Yuudai call him out on his insensitive words, Kalen moved the topic to something else. "Ahem... This time is a bit special though. Apparently, there's something in this one that our superiors think I'll want to see. Took the time to write a note and everything," Kalen said as he pulled the letter out of his pocket, offering to let Yuudai read it.

---

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Yuudai listened intently to his old comrades rambling.  Seems like he's gotten the short end of the stick. Seems like it.

When he tried to make a joke about the plague, Yuudai just raised his eyebrow. Kalen also seemed to think that it wasn't funny because he didn't laugh at all. I get it. I'm there too buddy. You keep trying to tell yourself that it's all ok, that you can laugh now, when in all actual fact you're just so fucked up yourself that it's hard to laugh anymore.

Kalen said something about this being a special job and handed Yuudai a letter. He took it and read it over, glancing at the bag's number that was supposed to be of interest to Kalen. "I would be careful there man." He returned the letter to the younger Shinigami. "If it turns out to be someone you knew it could break you. Trust me."

Yuudai looked glum again, his eyes showing the sleepless nights he had had for many years. Yuudai... No, it's ok Museihei. There's nothing I can do about it now. It's already happened.

He looked back up at Kalen, the man standing before him somehow different than the man that had stood before him those five years ago. Yuudai chuckled ever so slightly. "Remember when you first came up and called me sir? You made me feel like such an old fucker, I couldn't fucking stand it." He laughed at that, which quickly died out after the initial thought of it had worn off. "These past years I've had to get used to that term. Honestly, it just makes me feel tired anymore."

He thought back to the past five years, years full of turmoil and strife. When he had changed divisions, he had been busy with catching those that committed heinous crimes against the Seireitei. But when the plague struck, he was so busy just helping out those in need that he hadn't been able to do any of that. He couldn't stop to think what those people were up to then, what other crimes they were committing, what other lives they were putting at risk. He had enough to worry about back at home.

He looked back at Kalen, his eyes full of exhaustion. "Don't let this job fuck you up. You're strong; stay that way. Don't ever let this job sap you of your strength." He looked down at one of the bags, personal belongings barely visible underneath the sack's protective flap. "Stay strong, Kalen."



Word Count: 421
Total Word Count: 1762
GP: 35

It was about this time that Kalen noticed the change in Yuudai. Five years ago, Kalen couldn't imagine his friend speaking in such a grave manner. It was beginning to become clear just how much the plague had affected him. The damage was more than just tired eyes and a bad temper, the look on Yuudai's face was something else. He seemed to be concerned about what was waiting for Kalen in package 377. But was it concern, or was Yuudai afraid of what this may do to Kalen? Kalen couldn't quite tell, but he just couldn't bring himself to believe that Yuudai of all people could be afraid. Or perhaps Kalen was just refusing to believe it. After all, the plague would have had to be really bad to shake Yuudai that much, way worse than Kalen felt it was.

That thought just brought up too many fears and worries to consider. If the plague was truly that bad, why didn't Kalen feel worse than he did? Had he changed? Or was Kalen still the man he was five years ago? If the plague was terrible enough to strike fear into Yuudai, what kind of monster was Kalen for not feeling it as well? 

Those were the questions and fears that kept Kalen sure that Yuudai was just being a good friend. A point reinforced when he began joking, though Kalen's confidence could have done without the more serious tone he took when talking about the past five years. 

Then Yuudai said something that was so foreign to Kalen that he didn't know what to think. Over the past five years, only Yuudai had said that Kalen was strong. Even before that, Kalen was always the weak link. Yuudai's words made Kalen feeling something that he hadn't felt in far too long. So long in fact, that he couldn't quite place a word to the feeling. Happy? That just didn't sound right. Encouraged? That sounded more like it. Whatever the name for this feeling was, Kalen wanted to hold on to it. Which is why Yuudai's next words, warning that this job could possibly take what little strength he had away, shook him to the core.

The numbers in the bags were still only around the one to two hundred range. Which was alright with Kalen. He was no longer quite as interested in finding out what was in package 377.

---

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Yuudai watched the conflicting emotions within his friend. Now why'd you have to go and say those things to him? He's probably holding on to whatever he has left. Unfortunately, that is a luxury that can't be afforded. Reality demands that we accept it and move one.

Yuudai, still grim as ever, watched as Kalen went about his work. He smiled gently, remembering the young Shinigami and the mission on which they had met. "You know, you never quite told me how your fight went that day we met. I'd like to hear about it."

Yuudai watched the other Shinigami work, their arms heavy with sorrow but their faces filled with fear. Everyone's scared of something. And that something is a bitch. He watched as they went about their duty, every bag being incinerated and summarily taken care of. He had really only been making small talk to lift Kalen's spirit if only a little bit. But watching the other men work only made him more tired, further lowering his own spirits.

I wonder how many of these were people I knew. Yuudai could tell that many of these bags were Shinigami that he probably had never heard of. Most of the people he knew had already died, succumbing to the plague or running away in fear of it, thereby dying to Yuudai. But even though he hadn't understood why they ran then, it only took him a year or two more before he understood.

It seems like no matter what there is always something more to fuck us up. And yet we've always been able to persevere, get through.

Yuudai looked at Kalen again, his comrade downtrodden and forlorn. I'm not sure if it's worth it to persevere anymore Museihei. Yuudai shook his head, the weight of the world seemingly on his shoulders.



Word Count: 304
Total Word Count: 2066
GP: 41

Kalen was thankful for the opportunity to distract himself from his task. Plus, catching up with Yuudai was the whole reason he had invited him to stay a while. That being said, there wasn't a whole lot of that battle that was impressive. Especially compared to Yuudai's feat. Sure, Kalen had used his battle to get the recruits respect before, but pretty much anything could impress them.

"Well, the monster I believe you ended up fighting ripped open a Garganta. I couldn't do anything to stop it, so it just flew overhead. Probably looking for you or the human," Kalen said, still pissed off that he didn't even get a shot off on that thing. "After that, the Garganta stayed open and a bunch of hollows came through. Instead of going after the big one, I opted to keep the hollow influx contained. After that, I pretty much just killed low-level hollows until backup arrived. The third division contained and closed the Garganta, and some of the fifth division hunted down the hollows that got through my defences. Then I got a medic to heal my wounds and went after the group of shinigami I pointed in your direction," Kalen continued, taking a breath and thinking of how to tell the next part of the story. "When I got there, two of them were dead. They were killed by that weird dome thing you guys were in. I tried using my shikai to burn my way through it, but it just went around my flames and stabbed me," Kalen said, still puzzled by why that smoke appeared to intentionally avoid his blade. "We then go orders to retreat while someone more capable was sent to finish the job," Kalen finished. 

Kalen remembered that battle vividly not because of his deeds. He remembered it as the time he failed at his one job. He couldn't even keep a small hollow swarm without backup. Yuudai didn't need support to survive fighting the big hollow that Kalen couldn't even move in the presence of. Speaking of...

"I've been meaning to ask you how your fight with the big one went," Kalen said, turning the subject away from himself.

---

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Kalen elaborated on his fight with the Hollows that day, and even though it wasn't particularly exciting, Yuudai still enjoyed the story. Then Kalen asked about how Yuudai's fight went and he became a little more somber. "To be perfectly honest, I don't remember too much. It's been so long and I kind of blacked out in the middle of it."

He looked over the rest of the bags, trying to find the next words. "My Zanpakutō told me that I tapped into a partial bit of my Bankai. Dude was that strong. His puppets were the one thing I remembered most about him."

The puppets were the souls of people that the Arrancar had devoured. It was pretty horrific when you thought about it, but Yuudai had long since gotten past his initial discomfort. "It was all kind of surreal. There I was, fighting an Arrancar, his puppets, whilst also trying to find a way out of his barrier, and all I could think was, 'I'm not strong enough.'". Yuudai remembered the despair he felt at that moment, his afterlife about to end.

He turned his head back to Kalen. "Ironically, that's about the time I blacked out. Thank god." Yuudai chuckled at that, his grin back.  It feels so long since I've smiled.

Yuudai noticed that they were quickly coming upon the bag mentioned in the order to Kalen. "Hey Kalen, I think we're about to reach your stop." He nodded towards the far end of the row they were at, the bag's number clearly visible from here.



Word Count: 260
Total Word Count: 2326
GP: 46

Kalen listened to Yuudai's story about the freak that came out of the Garganta. The grotesque description Yuudai gave made Kalen almost grateful he wasn't able to see it from outside the barrier. Still, he couldn't help but feel a little guilty about not being able to help. The part of the story that really caught Kalen's attention was the explanation that Yuudai had tapped into a partial Bankai, he had never heard of such a thing. Kalen hadn't even considered bankai. Did someone like him even have one? 

Kalen's thoughts were interrupted by Yuudai's next words. He looked down the row of bodies to see the number printed on the tag that matched the letter. Before he went down the line, he looked back at Yuudai for reassurance. He didn't want his idol to see him in whatever state he would be in if his fears were to come true. But at the same time, his eyes pleaded with Yuudai not to go, to stay and make sure that there was something left after this happened. Kalen's breathing began to become shaky as he began the task.

Kalen worked his way down the line, his Zanpakutō's flames flickering with uncertainty. This row looked to be the last of the day, their quota would be filled after this because the department these ashes would be sent to couldn't handle it is all the corpse-burners were to send an entire warehouse full of bodies their way. Kalen was walking slower than he had been. He listed the names of all these fallen soldiers, most looked like they hadn't' even seen a battle yet. The last name first, then the first name last, that was all the respect he could offer these poor souls. Kalen's heart sank with every step he took, and his stomach was getting the feeling you get when you're falling. Falling, that was exactly what it felt like.

Finally, Kalen approached number 377. Sticking his still flaming sword in the ground, he went and kneeled over the bag. Unzipping it he almost didn't recognize the face. His brain had shut down, his eyes wide, all his dispair culminating to a peak. "Number 377, Sasaki,..." a lump formed in Kalen's throat before he could get the rest of the name out. "Sasaki, Yuzu," he choked out at last. It was her, Kalen's old friend from the rukongai, someone he had grown up with, the strongest of them all, his last remaining friend from the old days, now lay in a body bag. "Is this some sort of sick joke?" Kalen thought to himself. It had to be, for the higher-ups to make him cremate his childhood friend.

Kalen reached out to touch her face, but a gout of flame erupted from his Zanpakutō to singe his hand before he could. "Do not touch her, if she's here it means she died of the plague. I will not allow you to die like that," Arathyx shouted in Kalen's mind. Kalen couldn't bring himself to do it, how could he, the fact she had already died didn't matter, it felt like he was being asked to murder his oldest friend. But, as if she heard Kalen's emotional anguish, Arathyx sent out a spark to ignite the bag Yuzu was in. Kalen watched in horror as she burned, he couldn't take his eyes off her as he features were destroyed in the wake of Arathyx's power, his power.

Kalen was still kneeling over Yuzu's ashes when one of the recruits came over. "Are you OK sir, if you want I can..." "You're all dismissed," Kalen interrupted the recruit. Kalen couldn't, for as much as he wanted to, allow them to stay and witness what he was about to do. Kalen managed to contain his emotions until he lost sight of all the recruits. Getting up, Kalen walked over to the wall of the nearby warehouse, the one that had housed Yuzu's body. Letting loose all the emotions he had forced down, and all the reiatsu he had contained with them, he punched the wall as hard as he could.

"DAMMIT!" Kalen shouted as he slammed his bare fist into the wall. Kalen's Zanpakutō reacted to his anger in turn and became a towering pillar of flame. Kalen's hand hit the wall, his teeth clenched together and a tear rolling down his right cheek. The sound it made was that of shattering concrete, as cracks spread along the wall like a spider-web, causing several sections of the wall to fall down in large chunks. Part of the roof came down as well in the wake of Kalen's unhinged strike.

He was sick of it, all of it. The death, the pain, the feelings he had. He didn't know how to handle this crap. What was he supposed to do? He had spent all that time in the academy gaining strength so he could finally be of use to his friends. But all his power was useless! It didn't stop Jace and Iris from dying, he couldn't fight off diseases or sickness, and he couldn't bring the dead back to life! He couldn't do anything! All he had was that stupid flame that could only ever break things!

Kalen's anger, sadness, and all manner of emotions had blinded Kalen so completely that he had forgotten about Yuudai who was still standing there in the background. And he still hadn't noticed the attention his flaming Zanpakutō had attracted. He just wanted to break something.

---

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As Kalen reached the bag that was of interest to both Yuudai and him, Yuudai couldn't help but let his heart sink. I fear I know what awaits him in that bag. Museihei nodded gravely, his silence ever more pervasive.

Yuudai's face fell as Kalen reacted to the inside of the bag, the words caught in Kalen's throat. Oh Kalen. One of the recruits came over to ask if Kalen was okay, and Yuudai couldn't help but wonder what Kalen would do. It would be bad if we had to stop him if he decided to attack. Fortunately, Museihei's musing did not come true as Kalen dismissed all the recruits.

Yuudai stood there, his arms crossed in front of him as Kalen marched over to the wall and let loose his fury. Cracks formed in the wall that Kalen had punched, and Yuudai's robes fluttered lightly as the the force from Kalen's reiatsu burst forth from him. Even after having seen so many people die, you are never quite prepared for the next one.

Yuudai waited a second, letting the anger die down into lamentation, before he made his way over. He stopped next to Kalen, his hand reaching down to firmly grasp the Shinigami's shoulder. "I know it's hard Kalen. Losing someone you swore to protect." He looked over at the ashes of the burned bag. No... Not just someone you swore to protect. It's hard to lose people in general. Yuudai looked back at Kalen.

"But stay strong. You are a Shinigami. You're a fierce warrior, a pillar of strength." Yuudai turned Kalen to face him as Yuudai stared down at Kalen. "You say, 'Fuck you! I will not let you win, fate!'" At this last outburst Yuudai calmed down a little bit, his emotions starting to come undone as he watched his friend break down.

"It doesn't get easier. But I know, deep down in my heart, that you will overcome this. You are strong, Kalen." With this, Yuudai let go of Kalen's shoulders and stepped back, remaining silent so as to allow Kalen to either speak or remain quiet in sorrow.



Word Count: 355
Total Word Count: 2681
GP: 53

Yuudai's words snapped Kalen back to reality. He looked at the gaping hole in the building in front of him as if he was seeing it for the first time. He was humiliated that Yuudai had seen him throw a fit, but Kalen couldn't reach any further despair. Even though the words that his friend had spoken were not the ones he wanted to hear, Kalen recognized the truth in them nonetheless. Kalen regained his composure, taking a deep breath and once again suppressing his reiatsu, and the flames of his Zanpakutō fading with it.

Kalen was about to speak, to thank Yuudai for his kind words. But as he turned to do so, his eyes set upon yet another tragedy. The force of Kalen's reiatsu, along with the large volume of fire his Zanpakutō had produced had scattered his friend's ashes across the courtyard.  

"Dammit!" Kalen said out loud, rushing to the broom so he could stop his friend's remains from escaping. If that happened, Kalen didn't know how he would recover.

Racing around the courtyard like a madman, Kalen was eventually able to gather the ashes he had inadvertently scattered. Well... most of them, He couldn't help but notice that the size of the ash pile he had was smaller than most of the other corpses he had burned. By this point, he had enough experience to notice something like that. Even so, he knew it was impossible to track down the rest of them.

Kalen decided to take this as a punishment for breaking. Honestly, five years without tears but as soon as it happened to someone he knew he broke down. Kalen didn't know whether to be sorry for or pissed at himself.

Whatever the case, Kalen prepared the box himself. Pouring the ashes into the small container until it was about half full. Usually, it would have been completely filled or just about so. That put a measurement on how much of his old friend he wasn't able to recover. He put on the lid of the box and tied the ribbon around the container to keep it shut. Kalen only now realized how messed up how the boxes looked was, resembling some sort of present or gift.

Now Kalen could speak. "I know this may sound hypocritical, but I'm going to give her a... service," Kalen finally finished said, letting out a small chuckle when he realized how much his attitude had changed in such a small time. Only a short while ago, he was scolding the recruit for even suggesting the idea. But now that the body had been burned, whatever it was that made up the plague was likely irradicated, making a funeral service safe. Of course, that was the point of his job.

Deep down, Kalen had only said what he did out loud because he wanted Yuudai to come along. To invite himself so Kalen didn't have to ask. After all, he had been pretty pathetic already.

Kalen walked slowly over to his Zanpakutō. Picking it up with his free right hand, he twirled it around a few times before snapping it into the sheath on his back. 

Then he turned to Yuudai and awaited his response.

---

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Yuudai watched as Kalen rushed around the courtyard, trying to prevent the ashes of his dead friend from blowing away. It was kind of Kalen's fault, but I won't say anything. He's been through a lot. Yuudai helped out a little, finding another broom and sweeping them into a pile together.

What Yuudai had not been expecting was what came out of Kalen's mouth next. "A service, huh?" Yuudai pondered what he would do. He didn't know whether or not he should accompany Kalen.  That's probably the reason he told you. He could have just as easily not told you what he wanted to do and then had the service himself. He considers you a friend and therefore wants you to come with him to support him. Huh, when you say it like that it makes sense.

Yuudai looked up at Kalen, who by this point had already tied up the ashes of his friend into the customary package that was sent off to friends and family of the dead for burial. You know, I never really realized this before, but those packages look an awful lot like presents. That's kinda fucked up.

Yuudai smiled. "Mind if I come along? I'll be happy to help with your service Kalen."



Word Count: 208
Total Word Count: 2889
GP: 57

With Yuudai's response, Kalen's heart became a little lighter. It was like, even though he had lost everyone, he wasn't yet alone. There was still something to hang on to. 

Kalen's face betrayed his feelings, he couldn't help but let the smallest smile creep across his lips. Trying to hide it, Kalen gave a simple nod of agreement and started on his way with Yuudai's heavy steps behind him. 

The trip was quiet, the most conversation the two of them had were either quick back and forths, or passing comments that were few and far between.

Most of the roads had fallen into states that would have been unacceptable at another time. Cracks, dirt, and a worn down look would be an accurate description, but with all that had happened, few people were left to sweep the streets on a regular basis.

Kalen couldn't say it was a pleasant trip. The walk was long, as Kalen found he simply didn't have the energy to flash step, it also seemed disrespectful to do so. The eerie quiet only served to remind him of the hell he was living in, and the bright sun was a contrast to the purpose of his journey. 

Kalen was taking the ashes of his fallen friend to the same place he had his other friends buried, a small cliffside in north rukongai. This would normally have been a problem, given that travel in and out of the seireitei had been restricted. So Kalen was stopped at the closed gate by the soldiers placed there.

Kalen didn't know what the real reason they were there was. It was as possible they were there to prevent the plague from haveing as-of-yet unseen effects on the population of souls, as it was that they were there to prevent deserters from escaping. Whatever the reason, the guards were yet more rookies.

When they told Kalen to stop and go back to where he came from, a quick, and very serious, death glare was enough to get them to move aside. That, and possibly Yuudai's large and intimidating presence. 

Making quick distance across the rukongai until he made it to the small cliff overlooking north district 55, the place Kalen and his friends had all met, Kalen gazed at the gravestones of his other two friends. The graves were spaced apart, with just enough room for one more headstone in between them without it looking crowded. It was only then that Kalen realized he didn't know what he was supposed to do. 

He had heard that you were supposed to scatter the ashes, but since the point was to have everyone in the same place that sounded a bit counter-intuitive. Even so, Kalen didn't know if he was just supposed to bury the box. 

Letting out a sigh, Kalen decided it didn't matter too much what the tradition was. They had all been a bit unorthodox in life, so surely funeral traditions could be done in their own way too. 

Kalen pulled out his Zanpakutō and pointed it towards the ground. Even though Kalen didn't say anything, Arathyx got the intention. As Kalen stabbed the dirt, a small explosion was let off, sending dirt in all directions and creating a hole the perfect size for the box. 

Placing the box in the hole and covering it, Kalen was lost. He didn't know what to say, what he could say. So for a while, he just stood there. Then he finally spoke.

"Yuzu...Ahem. I know we kind of lost touch after the academy, but I hope you know I tried my best. For all of you, I tried, but I failed. I couldn't do anything for any of you, I'm sorry that I was a complete and total failure, that I was so utterly useless. You and the others, Jace and Iris, you guys were my strength. You were everything I aspired to be. With you gone, I wish I could die. But I know that won't do anything. This isn't a world where we die and get to live happily ever after, instead we're just recycled and sent back to do it all over again. So, even though I know you aren't listening, I hope you don't forget. Even though I know it's impossible, I'd like to meet you, all of you, again someday. Perhaps in the human world, I'd like to get to know whomever you end up being. So... I don't know whether to say 'goodbye' or 'see you later'. But I guess we'll see," Kalen said, wiping the tears out of his face.

Kalen then became silent again, giving Yuudai the chance to say something if he wanted.

---

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Yuudai watched the face of the man beside him. The walk to district 55 in the Rukongai had been rather uneventful, and it was just now when they were both standing over the makeshift grave created by Kalen, that Kalen's emotions could no longer be contained. Yuudai felt for the man. After all, he had lost friends that were close to him.

I understand the feeling. I wonder how my old Rukongai family is doing... If I recall correctly, you had meant to check on them when the plague was wiping out the Shinigami. You wanted to make sure they were safe.  Yuudai said nothing. He knew he had made that promise to himself, but it had turned out to be impossible to separate himself from his work when people were dropping left and right.

Kalen finished saying what he needed to say, which basically amounted to a little more than a confession of his own weakness. Yuudai understood how Kalen felt and why he was hard on himself, but Yuudai was concerned. He shouldn't be too hard on himself.

Yuudai cleared his throat after letting the silence go for a couple seconds before he started his own speech. "I realize that we never met in real life, but I'm sure that you'd be happy to know that your friend has become a dependent and reliable man. He may be a bit of a hard head but I don't think I would change that for anything. I'm proud to call him my friend, and I'm proud to have him as a comrade in arms. I wish you peace in your next life, and hopefully you, Kalen, and I will be able to meet and become friends once again."

Yuudai looked over at Kalen. "I realize that you're hard on yourself Kalen, but just know that there was nothing you could do to prevent this. I understand the pain and guilt, but you have to remain strong. Just know that she would be proud of the person you have become."

Museihei smiled at Yuudai. Well said. Thank you.



Word Count: 346
Total Word Count: 3235
GP: 64

Kalen heard Yuudai's kind words, and he was thankful for them. The words he spoke to Kalen's friends, or rather, his family, sounded sincere. Kalen hoped they were, even if his friends wouldn't remember him in their new lives, even if they didn't even look the same, Kalen would love to see them again, and for Yuudai to see them as well. They wouldn't be the same people Kalen knew, but even so, he thought that it would be enough to just give a proper goodbye to their souls if nothing else.

But it was Yuudai's next words that truly got his attention, the ones directed at him. They were the words that he needed to hear. That it wasn't his fault, that he couldn't have done anything. Of course, Kalen already knew that, but it didn't stop the pain. It was as if Kalen couldn't' accept that truth, that there was nothing that anyone could have done to stop this. But, coming from Yuudai, maybe he could accept it.

Kalen couldn't understand why he felt that way, he couldn't figure out why he put so much faith in this man that he had only met through his work, through the fifth. Even so, the feeling was familiar, Kalen had felt this way before.

Suddenly he let his mind wander to the day he had left the Rukongai. The day when he and his family had stood atop this same overlook and said goodbye to their home. They had said goodbye so that they had no excuse to return, so they had no choice but to succeed and achieve the life they wanted. They had wanted the life of those who lived in the seireitei.

Then he was back in the present, with Yuudai. Kalen didn't know if what he had seen had been his own thoughts or a vision given to him by Arathyx, but he didn't care. He had seen his family again, and even though it wasn't real, he felt renewed. Not only by the strength granted to him by the remembrance of his promise but by Yuudai's last sentence.

"She would be... proud?" The thought filled him with both joy and sadness. 

Kalen gave himself a mental slap in the face and wiped away the tears he hadn't noticed were there. The pain hadn't fully left, and Kalen hoped it never would, but he at least had the resolve to go forward. And so, Kalen took a deep breath and prepared to once again enter the hell this world had in store for him.

Kalen looked up to meet Yuudai's gaze.

"Well, I'd better start heading back," Kalen said, his voice not quite as shaky as it was before. "I'm going to make a quick stop in town to get the headstone put up, so you can go on without me," He said to Yuudai. 

Turning around, Kalen began walking down the hill, when his Zanpakutō began talking. 

"Hello? Can you hear me yet? Arathyx said, practically shouting in Kalen's mind

"OW! Yeah, I can hear you. What do you want?" Kalen responded, wondering what was so important that Arathyx was yelling at him.

"Good, you can finally hear me. I was getting worried. You lost your resolve you idiot, didn't I tell you that that was the only thing that allowed you to use me?" She said, obviously expressing her concern for Kalen's wellbeing.

"Yeah, I lost my nerve, sorry. But I don't get why you're so upset. You answered my call just fine when I needed you to dig the hole," Kalen replied.

"Yes, well I could hear you just fine. I am your sword, it's your job to wield me. Not the other way around," Arathyx explained with a sort of "well obviously" attitude. "So, now that you've regained your composure, what will you do?" Arathyx asked

"Heh, well first I'm going to get this headstone set up. Then, I'm going to go back to the fifth's training grounds and start getting myself back in shape. I've been too depressed lately to be bothered to train, but I'm going to change that. I'll become a shinigami, and a man, that they would be proud of," Kalen responded.

"Is that so? And will you be able to go on, even though your family is no longer here for you to protect? Even though you've lost everyone, your still willing to continue on your path?" Arathyx asked a tad tauntingly. 

"It's because they aren't here that I have to keep going. We made a promise together to live lives we could be proud of. If I threw that all away because they were gone, even though they died with the full intention of achieving that dream, I'd be disgracing them even more than I'd be disgracing myself. So I have to keep going. I'll see this through to the end without them, just as they would have done if it was me underground instead," Kalen said confidently. He felt bad, because at this moment, even with his family gone, he felt alive. He allowed himself this feeling of being alive because he now saw a clear path he could walk. He had a purpose, a thread to hang on to. 

He thought this as he had the preparations made for Yuzu's proper grave. And as he turned to face the giant walls of the seireitei, another realization came to him. 

"Besides, I haven't lost everything. Not yet," He said to his Zanpakutō. And it was true, he had witnessed the bonds of those in the fifth division. Those bonds had stayed strong for most, even as the world crumbled there were those who remained strong. And Kalen felt that he wanted to have those bonds again, the kind of bonds he had had with his family. The kind of bond he had felt on the overlook, with Yuudai.

A wide smile came over Arathyx's masked mouth. "That's what I wanted to hear. If you're serious about this, then you will have me as your sword all the way. If you're half as strong as that guy Yuudai thinks you are, then you may turn out to be a fine master indeed," She said with enthusiasm.

Kalen began walking back to the seireitei. He would make a request to take some time off from the work he had been doing so that he may return to active duty in the field. It would be a while before he could bear to see another corpse.

---

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[Exit]