Hidden Strength [Private/Kyojin]

Light and fast footsteps behind him. A gentle spiritual pressure, actually quite comforting. Those came first. Then a soft, female voice called from behind.

"Kyojin-san!"

It was odd, hearing his name with the respectful suffix. Hadn't happened too often before.
He stopped and turned towards the voice. It belonged to a young looking woman. Dark skin and hair and fascinating, feline eyes. And she was a good 30 cm smaller than him, her clothes seeming one or two numbers too big for her. For a moment he just stood, watching her. He didn't know her name or couldn't remember if he ever had known. But as far as he could tell she was also a member of the Fifth and had been present at the 'exercises'.

"Just 'Kyojin' is fine." He finally said. Even after centuries these suffixes sounded strange in his ears and mind. Especially when it came from someone he didn't outrank. Okay, there was still the age factor, but as Kyojin had realised more than once: there were very few souls that were older than him.

It was obvious that the woman wanted something, but as she didn't speak right away, Kyojin asked, with slight frown:
"Can I help you?"

Although his tone wasn't particularly heartily it also wasn't impolite. It was simply a question, no more, no less. He didn't know the woman standing before him, so he had no reason to feel either affection or aversion towards her. Although there was a basic level of respect just because she was a shinigami, a Fighting Fifth, and doing something for maintaining the balance, so much he did concede every fellow shinigami until proven wrong.

Whatever she wanted, Kyojin hoped she wouldn't challenge him to a fight. If she did so he would fight, that was for sure. And the slightly swollen lip he had gotten from Ruby and the few cuts and bruises that had come from Reyla weren't anything that would constrict him badly. He simply didn't care much for another fight against a fellow Shinigami right now, be it a friendly sparring match or not. There was too much to do for all of them.

While these thoughts came and went in his mind his outwardly appearance was rather relaxed, considering the situation on the courtyard just a few minutes ago, and his facial expression something like stoical patience.


395

---

When Kyojin turned to face her, Machie froze like a deer in headlights, eyes slightly widened. Her breath caught in her chest as it struggled to expand fully. Approaching new people had never been something the feline woman enjoyed for precisely this reason. Even when others came to her first, the dark skinned woman froze. The man’s confused expression helped her little. He was tall, but not imposing. His body language was open, yet a bit weary as though he felt some of the awkwardness she felt. It might have calmed another person, but Machie was especially anxious. She had barely spoken and already the atmosphere was too tense.

While he spoke, the nervous shinigami tried to relax. Saying she didn’t need to use such a formal address with him was a good sign, right? It meant he was allowing her some familiarity. Machie inhaled through her nose when he asked if he could help her.

The obvious answer was ‘yes’, although that wasn’t a very helpful response. Machie blinked. She hadn’t been staring too long, had she? Hopefully not.

“I…” a few more calming breaths followed, it was too late to back down now (right?), “I wanted to ask you a question.”

Ah, yes, that response was so much better, Machie chided herself internally.

“About earlier,” she continued, doing her best not to shake. The massive spiritual pressures her superiors had thrown around earlier had left the dark skinned shinigami shaken, more afraid than she had felt in a while.

“How… how did you do it?” The woman bit her lower lip, an anxious habit, but kept talking. “You stood up to Ruby-san even though she… even though she’s more powerful than you.” Despite the somewhat flat affect to her voice, the woman’s hazel eyes bored up into Kyojin’s blue-grey ones. She didn’t quite stare through Kyojin, but her expression was still mostly blank.

Some of the tension bled away now that Machie had finished her question. Kyojin could answer her, or not, and then she could apologize for bothering him before leaving him in peace. Interactions rarely worked like that, but one could hope.

356|671

With surprise in his eyes Kyojin looked at Machie. There was a question that never had been asked before. When it came to situations like these, the questions where usually of a different kind and much less polite. Kyojin couldn't help but smile and chuckle.

"No one ever asked me that before." He said, quickly becoming serious again.
"And I'd have to think to give you a satisfactory answer."

He was quiet for a moment while he looked Machie over. It was not easy for him deciding if she was mocking him or asking honsetly how he stood up to a superior both in power and rank. His voice was calm and steady when he spoke.

"I can tell you, that I didn't mean my snort to be heard. It was...involuntary, because I felt frustrated with these ecercises. Marching instead of training, which still would have been a waste of time. And when Ruby asked me, what did everyone think I'd do? She asked for my opinion, I answered. As simple as that. But I was quite disappointed at her reaction. You should think someone with a leading role should be strong enough to keep her emotions in check."

He reflected on the mentioned situation and his thoughts about it for a moment. He ran his fingers through his short beard and could feel where Reyla had hit him. It had swollen a bit. Yes, maybe that was a good point.

"You know, before the crisis, the Gotei and the Fifth were something the Seireitei could be pride of. 800 years ago even I had heard stories of the Shinigami and their valour in the far reaches of Rukongai. But now...I have spend the past five years helping to rebuild and trying to maintain order. But not out there, where we're supposed to be. In here. And then senseless exercises in marching and even this proved to much for some. Superiors about to slice up their own."

He shook his head and walked a few steps towards a near building. The wall showed a few tiny cracks.

"I don't know what you'd like to hear why I stood up to Ruby. Truth is that a part was because I felt it dishonorable and weak how the Shinigami and especially Ruby behaved. The woman I fought, Reyla, fought fair and with honor and she wasn't even from the Fifth. That's close to a confession of failure."

The other part he didn't tell right away. He didn't know if Machie cared for the real truth. And he still wasn't so sure of it wasn't a sign of weakness on his own. He had tried to remain strong for so long. He agreed with Victoria in that they all should do their duties. He really strongly agreed. And he wouldn't give up. But still...

He turned back to Machie.

"Why are you so interested in that? Most people seem to view it as stupid and as insubordination."

---

494

Machie waited patiently for Kyojin's response, staying still out of habit rather than fear this time. The man seemed to be caught off guard by her question. His laugh drew a slightly quirked eyebrow (though it also made her shoulders loosen a little). She nodded once when he said he'd have to think. Perhaps not everyone in the Fifth acted and spoke without consideration. Perhaps emotions had been running high and increased tensions beyond the point of rational behavior. Had her judgement been wrong?

Then, to her surprise, Kyojin confirmed her earlier misgivings about her superiors. Perhaps it should not have been so surprising to her. He hadn't been shy about showing his disapproval towards Ruby's methods, even if it wasn't meant to draw so much attention. She remembered how the Gotei had been, maybe not so extensively as the tall man before her, but she could recall what it had been before the catastrophe that had brought them to their knees.

When Kyojin turned to face her, he found the dark skinned woman standing there, hazel eyes watching him with mild curiosity, head tilted up so she could watch his face despite their height difference. Some of the blankness from before had faded. Her head tilted to the side at his question, causing her fraying braids to fall over one shoulder.

"It wasn't stupid." Generally, phrases like that were reassuring in tone, but coming from Machie it was bland; nevertheless there was no uncertainty in her statement. "Victoria-san was right in a sense. You're right. We should be tending to our duties instead of biting each other over wounded pride."

A long pause followed. Machie's unblinking stare wasn't challenging, but it was searching. She waited for him to contradict her, to say she was being far too disrespectful. To turn away. When he did none of these, the feline woman continued.

"I am not a fan of Ruby-san's methods, but I said nothing. In your place I would have apologized. Whether I agree with her or not, I might get seriously hurt if I oppose someone too powerful." I might die were the words that went unspoken. "I wanted to know why that didn't stop you. You could have backed down when Reyla-san fought you even if you didn't think Victoria-san would beat you down where you stood."

More silence, shorter this time, though. Machie sighed, irritation crossing her face. "I'm asking you this because I'm tired of being so weak and helpless. I'm tired of rolling over or running away." In her mind's eye, she could see a civilian woman, the one she had fled at one point. The shame of being so powerless had never grown any less bitter. Usually Machie was too hesitant to pursue things, but this had been eating at her for years, her weakness. She was getting desperate again.

476|1147

Why didn't he back down? Why did he risk getting chopped up without even so much as a chance to fight Ruby? How could someone be strong? How should he answer wuestions like these? Normally Kyojin had less than no problem giving honest answers and by extension getting in trouble for it. Like just half an hour ago. But normally no one asked him questions of the kind Machie did. He was a warrior, not a philosopher, how could he explain how he became who he was? He simply wasn't used to thinking about that.

"I...don't know if I can be of any help. I am who I am. And it took me a long time to become me. Centuries, literally."
He said and for the first time something like uncertainty crept into his expression.
"You see, I was raised as a warrior. I was trained to feel no fear and be used to steel in my hand even when I was a boy. When I was alive, that is. I have forgotten much and there where many obstacles in my path that I had to overcome. Nothing came naturally. Nothing. But I know that this is who I am."


He paused for a moment, then asked:
"Will you walk back to the barracks with me? I'm thirsty."

While in theit way Kyojin thought about Machie's questions again and again. It troubled him more than he would be ready to admit that he never thought about that. And it troubled him that it troubled him.

With a sudden sigh he said:
"I really wish I could help you. I can understand you better than you maybe think. But you're not me and I'm not you, so I have no idea what I could say to you that might help you. In the end everyone has to find their own reasons and strength to keep their deamons at bay."

Like he had. He had fought for centuries. At times he was close to giving up. But could that help Machie? She was fighting something entirely different. Or should he tell her that he felt so numb after all this suffering he witnessed over the last few years, that even he felt sometimes he couldn't take anymore? That he stopped caring to protect himself? That sometimes putting as much distance between him and others was the only thing enabling him to perform his duties? No! She was coming to him for help. It wouldn't help her, maybe destabilize her. And he didn't really lie...he just didn't tell her everything. She was a fellow shinigami, a fellow fifth. Sister in arms, comrad, partner...even if he had to dishonor himself to help her, he felt it was his duty. Especially in this situation they faced now.

"If it is any comfort, I think just joining the Shinigami and the fifth is honorable and courageous. Despite what you believe is holding you back you do still want to do your part. I like that. I respect that. And I would like to help you in any way I can. Maybe training together or...whatever."

He looked at her, his eyes dark with heavy thoughts. Maybe the fights within each of them were as important right now as the fights against hollows in the mortal realm. And Kyojin knew about inner fights...

---

555

The shorter shinigami simply nodded at Kyojin's uncertain response. She could detect sincerity in his tone and his facial expressions. The honest willingness to talk to her and desire to help were something foreign the the feline woman (perhaps she had spent far too much time with only Merrick to confide in).

He claimed to be a warrior since his childhood. Machie turned the idea of bravery over in her head for a moment. This man was probably her opposite in that respect. Machie was plagued by fear and a sense of loss that even followed her through previous lives. Vulnerability and weakness that she couldn't shed, even in death. A lot of her past was still hazy, and maybe it had slipped from her fingers forever. What the dark skinned woman could recall involved getting snuffed out before having a chance to grow strong. She'd collapsed under pressure, faced threats greater than her ability to defend herself. Or maybe she had collapsed under the weight of her own memories. Whatever it was, it didn't speak of strength or bravery. Machie had probably been born afraid.

"I'll walk with you," she agreed quietly. Machie fell into step with Kyojin easily, only lagging a bit behind his steps.

Nevertheless, Machie wanted to try again. Perhaps her first mistake had been staying so distant from everyone, even in her own division.

Kyojin's next words drew her attention away from internal musings.

Hazel eyes met darker ones evenly, with that characteristic blank stare. For a brief moment, a bit of hope was visible, but Machie turned her face and schooled her expression. Vulnerability did not come easily to her. It hadn't since the last time she'd woken up in Rukongai.

Was she really brave for joining the Fifth? Machie had only joined because it seemed familiar and she could feel what would become an obsession with her past calling. Now, she was here because there was nowhere else to go. Perhaps becoming brave was a possibility because it was impossible for the woman to believe she was strong as she was.

"I'd like that," she said softly, "training together."

356|1503

It didn't feel like Machie really believed what he said. She didn't voice it, but it seemed like it didn't convince her. Well, if it had been this easy Kyojin himself probably would have been Captain of the Fifth for at least two hundret years by now. She accepted the offer for training, though.

When they reached the barracks and made their way to the mess more than just a few gazes touched Kyojin, as he walked past. It was clearly visible that he had been in combat. Or at least taken some damage, as the bitchslap from Ruby could hardly have been called combat. And word of what hast happened at the exercises had spread like a wildfire even to those that hadn't been present. Kyojin ignored them. Some time ago maybe he would have greeted the attention as a chance to make a step or two forward, come out of the shadows. Now he didn't care what they saw in him, what they talked about. May they agree with him or not, it didn't make any difference. Now everything that counted was the duty he had to fulfill as a shinigami. Or at least almost everything. He lived for that now. Becoming an officer or the Captain...it seemed pointless. Deep down he maybe still wanted it but ignored it, just like the Shinigami around him.

Kyojin got jug of cold water, two glasses and some fruit for the worst hunger. Then he waited for Machie to get herself something befor he looked for a place to sit.
When they sat down he took Gekido from his back and leaned it against the wall next to him. He himself sat with back against the wall, facing the room.

"Why did you join the Gotei and the Fifth?" He asked. It was a neutral question again, his voice only curious if anything.
"If you think of yourself as weak then why did you choose the one Divison specialised in combat? As I said, I think it is honorable and courageous to just do this step. Facing and completing the academy, choosing and joining a Division...doesn't that mean you're willing to do sonething? Fight for the balance of worlds? Or at least fight your deamons."

For Kyojin it had started with the latter and it was a damned long time until it had finally become the former. Maybe it wouldn't do any good telling Machie how long it took him to graduate from the academy. Although it was on his own request it was many times longer than with any other student.

"What do you want to train? I'm open for any suggestion"
He spoke on a low voice with his dark voice relatively soft, almost gentle, for his means.
With a glance towards her Zanpakuto he asked:
"Have you achieved Shikai?"

---

471

Machie watched with interest as people began to stare.

They must be wondering what was on Kyojin's mind when he stood up to Ruby-san as well.

Her deadened hazel gaze met some of their stares, be they curious or disdainful, which resulted in many of them turning their faces away from her. The dark skinned shinigami's tendency to look relatively blank and forget to blink seemed to make others uncomfortable. Even some of the other members of the Fifth preferred to avoid looking her in the eye. Even now when everyone else had adopted that same deadened look to some degree.

Machie took note of some peaches with mild surprise. She grabbed one of the fruits with less bruising and a bread roll. Then, the feline woman paused for a moment. Water would be necessary as well. A glance in Kyojin's direction revealed that she wouldn't have to retrieve it herself.

Surprisingly considerate, she thought.

After staring a few more people down, Machie joined Kyojin at the table he selected. Nasima, her own zanpakuto stayed at her side. The tanto was small enough not to be uncomfortable when seated. She had just begun to peel her peach when the onslaught of questions hit her.

Deep breaths, you've made it this far.

She stared at Kyojin for a solid minute before answering any of his inquiries (some habits were hard to shake off, forgetting to blink was one of those).

"I wanted to get better." It was a vague answer, but true nonetheless. "I had trouble with my zanpakuto, she's not very... communicative. So I went to the Fifth."

A thoughtful frown flickered across Machie's face. That answer wasn't quite satisfactory either.

"I thought focusing on my zanjutsu would help me progress." She shrugged with a single shoulder. "I've had varied success. Even with Shikai, Nasima is difficult." The frown returned at the mention of her blade's powers. "As for the Gotei... I didn't really think much of it at the time. I woke up in Rukongai feeling like I had lost something. It seemed familiar and so I went."

The genuine interest Kyojin showed seemed to loosen the normally reticent woman, because she kept talking even though finding words felt like pulling teeth.

"I woke up feeling like I lost something important. I would have done anything to find it. It hurt even though I didn't understand what I was missing. Even when I found what I thought I wanted, when I finally remembered something, I was too weak to go and get what I wanted. I can't stand that. I want to say I'd do anything to change that but..." her eyes lowered to the now fuzz-less peach in her hands, "I don't know if I can."

To steady herself, Machie focused on slicing the peach around its diameter and pulling it apart to expose the pit. She used a fork to pry the pit free and cut the fruit into neat wedges. She arranged them in a circle, overlapping the pieces of fruit like flower petals.

"I suppose it isn't entirely coincidential that I could use strength training as well, probably zanjutsu. Practicing on my own has been rather slow."

532|1679

"Each Zanpakuto is different..."
It was more a quote of something taught at the academy as wise knowledge he discovered himself. Gekido was very supportive. Although she very seldom communicated with him in the real world, whenever he needed to consult with her or just wanted to talk, she was there when he entered his inner world.

"We can begin training whenever you like. Since Victoria ordered us to focus on our patrol duties in the mortal realm I fathom preparation for that is also ordered."

He ran a finger along the scabbard of his Zanpakuto, soft as if to caress Gekido. He didn't look, it was almost unconscious. The simple scabbard of the simple sword. An expression of both Gekido's and his disregard for useless knickknack. And to a much smallerpart an expression of Kyojin's unfamiliarity with the Katana. Ha was trained in the use of shield, spear, axe and sword, sonmuch he knew. But he also knee that from his point of view a katana hardly resembled a normal sword. As Gekido appeared in it's released state was more like the real thing, although Gekido's Shikai was disproportionate mightier than every broadsword he could imagine a mortal would ever wield.

"In my experience the relationship with my Zanpakuto had very little to do with my prowess. It was more a question of how much I was able and willing to listen to my inner voice and understand what she was saying. But it was like this for me. Can't possibly know what it is fornsomeone else. But that doesn't mean you're wrong. For a warrior it is always important to hone his skills and steel the body. So that you yourself become the weapon. In our case even more so. And what are we but warriors?"

Kyojin's voice was quiet, deep and thoughtful. But at the last sentences there was something else in his voice, a little more enthusiasm, like someone talking about a genuine belief.

"What shall we begin with and when? Your call."

---

337

Machie picked at the slices of fruit on her plate while Kyoijin talked. She hadn't expected the tall man to know whether her approach with Nasima was something that would work or not. Zanpakuto spirits were fickle things, always had been in the dark skinned woman's mind. Perhaps going on to focus on combat in hopes of honing her connection with her own spirit wasn't necessarily the right approach, but Machie hadn't had any better ideas at the time; still didn't. And, as Kyojin had stated, this wasn't something she could learn from another shinigami. Machie had to figure this out on her own. Perhaps if she let well enough alone and tried to work on the skills she had more control over, things would work out on their own. It was a dangerously optimistic thought and the feline woman tried to squash it.

However, Kyojin's enthusiasm made it hard to continue telling herself she was powerless. Hadn't she approached him to get help climber her way out of the rut she found herself in? What end would refusing even the slightest possibility of success serve? It might have been dangerous to hope, but it was useless to settle for eternal weakness and that was far worse.

"I hardly feel like a warrior, Kyojin. More like someone who's still lost." A sigh followed. Machie internally scolded herself for being defeatist and amended her statement, "But I am one nonetheless."

By this time, there was only one peach slice left and her glass of water was emptied. The feline shinigami popped the remaining fruit into her mouth and cleaned her fingers on a napkin, careful to make sure not to push any fibers from the fruit under her nails.

"I suppose we shouldn't procrastinate. Can we start with strength training?" Machie's voice was still soft, with little inflection, but there was a hint of enthusiasm. Despite her bland exterior, the woman wasn't quite as lifeless as she usually looked.

328|2007

Kyojin nodded with a thin smile, hardly visible. But there was something in his eyes, a kind of new energy. Maybe there was something left after all. Maybe there was some spirit in the Shinigami that had survived the plague and made his and all others ordeals worth it. And maybe there was a way to restore the Gotei to it's forner glory and power. Save the balance after all.
Hope was nice, but it felt dangerous. Treacherous. But well, there was Machie who, despite all the troubles she might have with her abilities or the doubts about herself, seemed to be willing to work on herself. And there was Victoria who had the power and the right focus to keep at keast the Fifth in line and on their duties. And this Reyla he had fought was at least honorable for all he knew. So there was some good left in all the madness these days. Maybe...it was enough.

"Strength it is." Kyojin said simply in his deep and calm voice. He rose and grabbed Gekido. There was not much more to say, so he agreed to Machie by his action. He waited for her to join him, then went on to the training grounds of the Fifth.

It didn't really come as a surprise when they found the large room practically deserted. Only a few Shinigami were practicing Kido at the firing range and some others with their swords. But Machie and Kyojin headed for the corner with the weights. Mostly racks with steel dumbbells and other handweights filled the area. But there also where some rather large rocks and even buckets and casks filled with water. Basically everything that was considered heavy and the means to lift, push and pull it in many different ways.

"Haven't been here in some time. Looks like it's been rarely used these last years. Figures..."

Again he leaned Gekido against a wall and slipped out of the upper part of his Shihakusho. Not that it would have impeded his movements, but he knew that he would get quite hot during training.

"Let's do some warmup first. Then we can test out our limits, if you like. Maximum weight. Meaning that we start at a certain weight at every exercise and with every set we put on more weight until we cant push or pull it even once without help. It will be exhausting but rewarding. And satisfying. At least it's what I feel it is like."

He planned to go over all the major muscle groups today. Breast, shoulders, back, arms, belly and legs. Normally he would do more detailed plans, one group for one training day but more different exercises for each group. Or he had done it that way beforde the plague. But maybe now it would be advised to first fathom where they were standing.

For a warmup he got down on the ground and started with some pushups...

---

491

Machie followed Kyojin to the Fifth's training grounds. While they walked, the dark skinned woman mused quietly about where this might lead her. The vague sense of approval from Nasima gave her a good feeling, but the feline woman felt she had to take that approval with a grain of salt. Nasima had been so desperate for her to make connections that she'd pushed her into trusting the likes of Merrick, something Machie regretted to this day. This could be different, though. Kyojin was nothing like the callous medic.

When they arrived at the training grounds, Machie let her eyes wander over the area. It looked half abandoned, as Kyojin pointed out. The shorter shinigami nodded in agreement. It was ironic; seeing the training grounds so empty and apparently unused would have been a pleasant discovery for her before the plague. Now it only reminded Machie of why her lack of strength was bothering her so much more than it used to, why she was desperate enough to try something new, or, perhaps it would be better said that she was motivated to try working with others again. It wasn't quite hope, but the feeling would get her out of her shell and push her further, hopefully enough to get out of the slump she'd slid into.

Machie shed her outer robe, revealing a plain, short sleeved shirt and leggings underneath --the destruction of her clothing on a mission some years ago had made her paranoid about wearing nothing but underwear beneath the layers of her shihakusho, even if it was more comfortable that way. The woman let out a soft sigh of relief at not being wrapped up in so many stifling layers. She folded her robe and set it to the side, laying Nasima atop the fabric. She felt strange without the zanpakuto attached to her person. She'd hardly gone anywhere without the thing in years.

"Alright," the feline woman agreed to Kyojin's plan simply. She quietly hoped her performance wouldn't be too disappointing.

Machie got into push-up position and began to do the exercise. The first several push-ups were hardly felt, but as time slid by, the thin woman could feel slight strain in her shoulders and lower back.

372|2379

They worked their way through warmup and then proceeded to attack the weights. Kyojin started with a bench press. As it was his habit he didn't count the weights he was putting on. He started low, doing the whole set even if the weight was way to low, then he added every set. How much it was in the end wasn't so important. His gole was to first run out of space on the bar-bell before he ran out of strength. He wasn't there yet and even if he had trained and evolved in the last five years, compared to his progress before the plague it felt like his training was just short of stagnation. Maybe it was less an issue of cancelled training sessions. For a mortal, or most mortals that was, strength came from the flesh. The muscles. Their mortal body. As a dead man Kyojin didn't have a body, he was a soul. As he understood it it was just a metaphor of some kind. In the spirit world certain rules applied that were very much similar to the mortal realm, so he had a body that needed 'maintenance'. But there was also something that went beyond simple matter, being spiritual or not. That was were the mind came in. The part were a Shinigami was comnected to his oen powers, to his Zanpakuto. To Kyojin his powers in the form of Gekido were a companion. A comrade that stood beside him in battle. He had greatly changed once he was able to hear her voice, he had finally been able to work on himself, become more. In his experience it was the nucleus of everything that made him a Shinigami, the true strength of a warrior. He was certain of that. But he wasn't sure at all if that held true for anyone besides him. He never really talked to another Shinigami about this.

In the pause between two sets he sat up on his bench and looked to Machie. Suddenly he just didn't see her as a fellow Shinigami anymore, but as another soul. With an intensity that gave him almost physical pain he realised that he never had any real friends and that the few he had known a little better or grown close a little more than normal had either perished in the plague or, as was the case with that one mortal, were literally a world apart. There had been only him and Gekido. When he realised he liked Machie, not because she had fought honorable or was powerful, but because he could understand some of her struggles, he knew without physical contact to his sword that Gekido was pleased with that thought. Another thing that was at the heart of being a warrior: alone you could be strong. Together you could be invincible. In countless ways.

Kyojin shook his head. It wasn't like him to get lost in his thoughts, at least not so deeply. He realised that maybe he had been staring.

"Machie..."
He said. There was a slight hesitation in his voice.
"We've been talking about strength and all that. I wondered if you would like to tell me a little bit more about yourself. I would...really like to get to know you."

---

544

The warm up was thorough, to say the least. Push-ups, squats, sit ups, jumping jacks, planks... Machie lost track of what muscles hurt from which exercise. By the end of it, her face was shiny with sweat and her breathing was heavier. The exertion albeit painful was satisfying in a way that training alone hadn't been. Now Machie had someone other than herself to measure up against (using herself as her own measure of success tended to be disappointing). Kojin was clearly stronger than her, and Machie understood why. The ease with which he moved through their work out --compared to the dark skinned woman, at least-- implied a lot of time and energy spent on becoming strong.

Machie's biggest weakness was probably that she was dissatisfied with herself as a being and put little stock into her own self worth. The plague had given her little time for thoughts such as fulfillment and meaning beyond what was immediately useful to the crumbling Gotei. In terms of stopping the infection or helping maintain order, Machie had been of little use. With that being her focus, among other losses, it was no surprise she wasn't too fond of herself and had little patience for her own shortcomings.

This perpetual dissatisfaction had driven an even larger wedge between Machie and Nasima. Oh, sure, the feline woman clung to her sword spirit with all the desperateness of a dying person, but they were out of sync. For every step forward, they managed to move three steps back. The only time they seemed to get along these days were when Machie was in the midst of stabbing some monster or other to death. Nasima liked to hunt and Machie liked to take her anger out on enemies, building a tenuous common ground between the two halves of a soul.

Not that Machie had much energy to consider this. She followed Kyojin's exercises, though she was much slower at progressing through the weights. At some point, she'd bound her hair up into a bun, but it had done little to relieve the uncomfortable hotness that came with exercise nor the sweat dripping from every pore on her body.

When Kyojin spoke, Machie had been lying on the ground, panting, between sets of bench presses. She turned her head at the sound of her name, hazel eyes slowly focusing on the tall man's form.

"Kyojin?"

Had she already disappointed the man? The feline woman hoped not; despite her struggle to keep up, she had started to enjoy training more than she had alone.

"Me?" The questioning look on her face was subtle, a mere twitch of her eyebrows, but it spoke volumes for someone whose face rarely changed expressions.

"Well, you already know my name, or at least the one I gave myself," the woman began once her breathing lightened enough to facilitate speech, "I had another name before this life, but I had forgotten it, and now... now it doesn't fit anymore. I don't really know what happened between then and now." A shrug followed.

"No one has tried to get to know me in a long time, I'm not sure what to say." Her eyes wandered, as if searching for an answer.

"I like butterflies, especially the hell butterflies. I like to cook, too, but it... sometimes it... sometimes not so much. I like tea, too, or any warm beverage in general. I used to read a lot, but I don't have much time for that now. Or meditating. Sometimes I do those instead of sleeping. I don't sleep much...."

A silence settled between the two after that. Her brows knitted slightly. The feline woman realized that she didn't know herself very well either.

Machie's eyes settled on Kyojin's face once more. "Tell me about you?" She propped herself up on one elbow.

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Kyojin felt a drop of sweat running down his bare chest. A thin smile appeared on his face. He should have anticipated the question. Partly he had, yet he wasn't really prepared.

"Me..." He said slowly. He sat there on his bench, elbows propped on his knees and his darkened gaze got lost in some eternity that held little joy for the big man.

"You know my name, too. Kyojin. But in fact it is just a nickname. My real name is Brandt Herleifsen. But I don't like it. I alway carry sonething from my father around me with it."

He looked at Machie. She probably didn't know about this.

"I come from a land far up in the north of the mortal world. I have forgotten much of my life and death, but I remember the feeling of those harsh lands where I was born. And my father. My first name, that's me. But my last name means 'Son of Herleif'. And because of him most of my life I have only known steel, fire and anger."

For a few moments he sat there in silence. The sweat on his body began to dry up and the weights seemed forgotten. He sighed.

"I know I wandered the Rukongai for an eternity befire I joined the Gotei. Ah, but I don't want to bother you with the tale of centuries of blurred memories."

Kyojin tried to make the last words sound cheerful. But he was neither particularly good in expressing emotions other than hate and anger, nor was he good in faking it. And he just wasn't feeling cheerful.

"You want to continue, maybe work with our Zanpakutos? Or you want to call it a day? In this case I think we'd both be in desparate need of a bath."

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"If it was a bother I wouldn't have asked," the dark skinned woman told him seriously. There was likely more to the story, after all, no one told their whole life's tale at a first meeting. Machie, for the first time in a long time was interested in something, in someone, besides herself and her own problems. Still, she decided not to act on her curiosity for now; the feline woman didn't want to be rude by asking uncomfortable questions.

"Besides, I think your background is part of why we're getting along now." She swiped at the sweat slicking her forehead to no avail. "We're both working on our identities."

This conversation was relieving and nerve-wracking at the same time. Offering up so much information about herself and her ideas, talking so much was something Machie wasn't used to. However, in exchange for this nervousness, she got to experience another person showing interest in her as a person and find someone who was somewhat like herself. The feline shinigami decided that she thought she liked the exchange.

"You're also right about our need of some grooming." Machie wrinkled her nose a bit. "Perhaps we should cool down first. It wouldn't be prudent to be overly sore the next day. We could stretch and then go our seperate ways."

Hazel eyes locked onto Kyojin's, a bit of apprehension in them. "Perhaps we could train together again to work with our Zanpakutos?" Her eyes darted away after the request, the feline woman feeling too shy to keep watching Kyojin's face.

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After a second Kyojin nodded.

"Yes, you're right. Wouldn't be clever to overdo it today."

He smiled at Machie's approval of his suggestion for some 'grooming', as she expressed it. It was thin smile, but it was there. It had been a long time since someone made him do that. But why? Superficially Machie wasn't really a blitheful person, certainly not frolicking or cracking jokes. But he liked her. Something in her reminded him of himself, although she seemed ancompletely different person with her own unique demons. But at the heart of things there was something he could understand. And she was also fighting her demons. And that deffinitely was something Kyojin could relate to.

"It would be an honour to continue training with you. And a pleasure."

It sounded too stiff, too formal. But what else could he say? He couldn't think of anything. So he just gave Machie his thin, crooked smile and rose fron the bank he was sitting on.

"So, I guess we'll meet again soon?"

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