SENSHU'S RANK UP REQUEST THING AGAIN

Review:
Senshu, your writing has deeply improved, more so than what it was a few months ago and for that im extremely proud. Its hard to believe that about a year ago you and me were posting one liners together. ^^

Unfortunately the skills that you have honed still need to be polished and the edges to be rounded. Your writing in general is very robotic, it doesnt really flow and this degrades the quality of your writing. I notice that you also tend to use alot of character dialogue, sometimes when it isnt even neccessary. Your use of punctuation is very basic, with a lot of full stops, a comma every now and then and no capital letters!

I notice at times your descriptive skills are pretty good, and nothing to shake a stick at. But other times your description is also very basic and i find myself prodding it with a stick to see if its dead or not.

Something that is very out of place in your posts is the use of the word "Thinking:" and then adding whateve Senshu is thinking at that time. This causes it to seem more like a script to a play than a story.

Finally, there are a few of your posts that seem like you havent even tried. They consist of three to four lines and arent very bountiful in any of the aspects of a writer we look for.

Advice:
In order to solve your very choppy paragraph structure, and prevent your writing from sounding so robotic i suggest using connective words rather than spamming full stops and commas. Also, when writing character speech stop and think for a second. Can you come up with another way of getting your characters message cross without using as many words ? For your punctuation problem i can only advise that you look up the different uses of punctuation and try to apply that to your writing and please dont forget the capital letters, they are a vital tool for a good writer.

When it comes to description, dont be afraid to go all out. Just think about the thing your describing, does it look similar to something else ? If so try and describe it with that in mind. You might also want to try using personification which means giving inanimate objects human characteristics while still suggesting the fact that they arent living beings.

Lastly, rather than simply placing Senshu thoughts in a seperate "Thinking:" area, try including them within your paragraphs and link them with other sentences.

Verdict:
Im sorry Senshu but your writing still needs a lot more work if you want to be tricera espada so im afraid that this request will be denied.