Post by Hope on Apr 6, 2015 9:41:57 GMT -5
You know I used to joke that the last in character post this site would have would be the twins retirement post. It was a satire on how stubborn I was, and looking back I'm still surprised I'm writing this post here today.
As of right now my characters are Transcendants. As such they have minimal direct impact on our three primary planes and, as such, have chosen to retire. They can only now "exist" in their relationships and past impacts...and a series of very narrow circumstances I will outline in their final application. They are retired. And in the tradition of Mitsutaka's adieu thread and the encouragement of the site's staff, I've decided to make one of my own.
I had hoped to condense it and make it more digestible. But I figure this thread is about me and who I've been for the past 4 years. And as long as most of my ideas and stories have been presented in such wordy long rants, why do me the disservice of stopping now?
My Transcendent App
Tenko & Kirishi's Story?
Abridged to 1 Paragraph
The twins were born freak servants to both hollow and shinigami. They were never accepted by either. They tried to fight one another to determine which side they'd choose, but wound up Broken. They tried forcing each to instead serve them while simultaneously coming to terms with their lack of true identity only to go mad with power. Tenko and Kirishi almost killed the Soutaichou, taking his zanpaktou spirits and inner hollow, but were then themselves beaten and that part of them that served shinigami taken as Kenshou's new zanpaktou. The hollow part of them dubbed Aiyo and Mie were inadvertantly recovered by Obsession, leaving Nothing but Hope that bid him adieu.
So how Did it End?
(My last month here; shorter)
Erasmus finds the twins and tells them to just eat Rose. He gives them truenames, Aiyo and Mie, that let that part of them manifest free of their "Nothing". They eat Rose and the hollow parts of their souls regenerate enough to take form inside their father and devoured sister Xiaobei. The "Nothing" becomes "Hope", finally free of and at peace with their past hunger to serve. They thank their father and give him their blessings, and then wander off into oblivion, forever more.
Suiren had been taken in by Tokiyo and had her false memories manifest before her. She realized she was a fake and was almost driven mad. In a moment of mercy Kenshou and Tokiyo decided to free her. The now pardoned Kionchi was ordered to wipe her memories, both false and real, and instead let her mind form the memories of a normal mortal. She was left on earth where she accomplished the one time dream of the twins: attending highschool as a normal teenager, happily unaware of any spirits good or evil.
The Part You Came Here For
Thank You Notes
So this is where I list everyone I can remember who made an impact on me and/or my characters? Oh Jesus lets go. This is in order of my skype which I'm pretty sure is drunk in how it orders you people as I can't make heads or tails of it. And I kinda pseudo-randomly stuck in those of you I don't have on skype (anymore) as I remembered ya.
Evelynn: You played the first hollow the twins ever worshipped in a thread. And the last they'd swear fealty to as their Queen. Thank you for the threads we had together. Thank you for always listening to me rant over skype. Thank you for the wonderful advice. And thank you for being such a good friend. You were one of the reasons I decided to come back to ths site and I hope we have many more adventures together than we were able to have in our brief stint as fellow Sovereigns.
Kiriko/Paks: Words cannot describe how amazing you are. You're one of my best friends and at this point perhaps even my closest confidont. You gave me amazing gifts with all your characters and you're easily the most successful peer I know! I'm seriously proud to know you as a writer, member of this community and member of our species. You're a really specail person and still one of the reasons I didn't quit this site so many times in the past. Also Konkon.
Erasmus: Man plotting with you has been amazing. I don't know how you've managed to put up with me and all my hair-brained ideas. Its like every week I change the entire direction and you somehow manage to not only keep up, but inspire me to do better and better things. Its funny how we were both on the site for so long without talking and it was this simple metagame thread that got us to become such good friends! You're a fabulous person and yet another reason I could never leave this site...and one of the most high spirited members of our communtiy! Not to mention, you know, the closest thing the twins ever had to a true savior and one of the friends who got me through the stressors of this last year without having metaphorically blown my brains out.
Kenshou: Another person I'm extraordinarily proud to have met! Every time we thread there's a special connection there and you've always been a total bro to me even when I lose my shit! Thank you for being there and thank you for, honestly, being the best captain I've ever had on any Bleach site ever! You gave Suiren every little bit of plot she had! And, you know, you're one of my anchors here too in your ability to get me to see the big picture and just chill when I start getting to upset about some insignificant little thing. Thank you.
Colin: I'm glad we still have pathfinder because you're still one of my favorite roleplayers. We were only in two threads together but the posts in the second are still some of my favorites for technical skill and expertise. You have a voice like no other and while your passion can sometimes get the best of me (see: our little fights), you know how to keep it as real as your stories (and, fortunately, half as gritty). We may get into squabbles but nevertheless I am proud to admit you and what you did to shape this place into what it is today is one of the reasons I've stayed for as long as I have. Thank you.
Tokiyo: Another person who I can confidentally say lead me to stay with this site for as long as I have. I know I'm a bit of a headache for you: the worst kind of member for interpersonal who causes just enough damage without actually breaking any rules! But, in all seriousness, our talks mean so much to me and your wisdom has been profound. Thank you for being such a wonderful friend to me this last year and I'm proud to be a member of any community that values what you bring to our table. Your writing is super solid and your characters are literally inspiring, in one way or another (see: Tilly). When we first met you called me "A Pillar of the Community" and you were the first to make me feel like that was actually true. You truly do deserve the title "Brokiyo", and I hope I can call you that for years to come.
Hakuren: As far as I'm concerned, for the first year of my life on this site you were Bleach Gotei. Every thread I was in with you wound up being a tear-jerker and our conversations OOC are some of my favorites. You were one of my best friends on this site and I still hope that someday you'll get that itch and return. Thank you for giving both me and my characters so much over the years.
Kasumi: I had never cried so hard per post as I have writing with you. Your character is the sweetest thing and I swear that first thread we were in was so gut-wrencthingly full of feels that I thought I had to turn in my man-card. I haven't seen you around much, recently, but I hope life is treating you well. You were a very sweet person and a more powerful voice in this community than people gave you credit for. Especially with your insanely high quality and post count!
Lyv: We've only known each other a while and yet I feel so connected with you! Your character is great and your always fun to talk with! Thank you so much for the big-brother thing: it really cheered me up each time you called me Onii-chan! And I promise I'll get to finishing our thread now that this twin business is dealt with!
Souta: What can I say? You actually made me write the first even semi-erotic thread I've ever written. I still love how quickly the tone shifted! That being said you've been a total bro to me and the fact work takes so much out of you is a pity! I want ya back buddy! You've always been supportive and I swear we'll have a beer someday!
Yaksha: You've always been supportive of me in one way or another and I've always been grateful of the fact I know I could come to you, day or night anytime, and have someone who'll take the time to hear what I have to say! You play one hell of a character and I know I couldn't have pulled off what you've had to given the challenges.
Ai: Legitimately the nicest and most patient person I've met on this site. I seriously don't think anyone could hate you. Like ever. Its almost scary.
Daisy: Legitimately the craziest person ever. In the bestest possible way. Getting you to play pathfinder has been a dream come true as you bring this insane level of almost child-like wonder with this seemingly effortlessly high level of skill and even macabre twist that generates this wonderful fusion that is so distinctly you! You are a presence on this site like no other!
Kai: It was nice remembering you in your brief but notable return. You've always been an outstanding member of our forum and I really do hope you get this message! I'll always remember your kindness and the insights you brought to us were invaluable!
Dew: Dewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...in all seriousness, again, I have no idea how anyone could ever in 100 years ever dislike you. You're the spitting image of Southern Hospitality and a fine human being to have known these past years. If we never thread we should still definitely drink sometime!
Doc: I know we didn't have much time on the site together but I really value the relatively small amount of time we spent together. I've always heard what a great critic you are and the constructive criticism I've recieved from you both this and last year have really helped both encourage and better where I prioritize my writing. I see why Colin told me "everyone needs a Doc".
Kizen: I know we had a bit of a tussle but you are one of the ballziest players I know. You jump into things with an admirable level of dedication, resourcefulness and above all else courage. I wish I could be as ballsy as you and I hope you stick with the hobby for years to come.
Kyousuke: Half my friends love you. The other half hate you. You definitely have a presence on this site regardless and that alone is worth something! I've actually never really lost any sleep because of you and overall you've been pretty cordial to me when things are important (i.e. asking for a thread). Paks absolutely adores you too so despite our lack of any substantial contact for that reason alone I can thank you.
Ezekial: You're a very giving player. You're willing to RP with someone and basically give your character's future to them while having done basically nothing with them. You're a total bro over skype and your character has this great spark of reality to them that makes me really appreciate what you do with him.
Garra: You're one of the more design savvy folks on this site and I've always appreciated your honesty. Our threads are some of my favorites and your a fantastic writer. You're a very passionate person who cares more for the people around them then you let on. I'm proud to have met you and I know why Paks values your friendship so highly. Thank you.
Hi-To: We've had limited interaction on the site but its always been positive. I can't wait to thread with you!
Kireon: Since that interview I feel we've made a bit of a connection. We've had a couple "maybe soon" threads that never really launched but I've always appreciated your character from afar. You have a energizing kindness about you that makes me smile whenever I see you in chat, and I thank you for it.
Jasper: As far as I'm concerned, you were the noble plot. Your character had this hideous restraint to him that gave a believable level of underlying darkness that was just delicious to have experienced first-hand. You play an amazing noble and, OOC, you've been a friend and a confidont. Thank you.
Jason: Damn I hope you get your own computer so we can skype. We haven't had much in terms of direct in character contact, but our out of character interactions have always been positive. I've always loved what you've done on this site with your characters mechanically and Clara looks like a blast! I really hope we can thread together someday!
Junko: So I've been trying to get a thread going with you for years. You and Jasper are easily my two favorite nobles on this site and while you've been very busy I've come to learn its anything but aloofness with regards to our relationship. Your a kind and sweet person and while you don't have as much time to dedicate to our site as some, I can't imagine Bleach Gotei without you.
Kokuou: Talking about "not enough time to dedicate but can't imagine the site without you"? Haha. But seriously, you've been like a sibling on this site to me in that I've always felt like we've been close even when our threads have kinda stalled (my fault). You've always given me a great deal of respect and a level of courtesy that I don't feel like I've completely earned. I respect the level of research and commitment you've put into your character. But most of all I really do treasure you as the kind of friend I know I can always count on, especially since I've been so unreliable this last year. And just as Tenko had given Kokuou a home, you too have made this place feel like a home to me. Thank you.
Kashe: Legitimately the best DM I've had on this site. You've been a total bro and while our character's haven't had any interaction on these pages, OOC you're a patient, kind and fun-loving guy who I'm proud to see in my pathfinder group.
Keiji: Man I want to RP with you so much more! Calling Suiren a Kitten was the height of those interview threads for me! And the tea meeting with Kirishi was fantastic! Your character has this depth I see between the lines that really wants to make me keep writing with you for years to come! And your patience when it comes to my sudden shifts in plot is really appreciated!
Jian: Thanks for joining that pathfinder game! I know you said you were sad you never got to thread with me but don't worry: we will write together sometime!
Koori: Every time I see you log into skype I smile. Its that simple. I swear to god you're the cutest thing since Cirno! You have this aura about you that always makes me glad to remember you exist and whether its your writing or your OOC chatting you put forth this level of positive energy that I wish I could match!
Mitsu: Another complicated relationship. We never really did write together and I still feel bad about how I handled that drama that lead to us moving here. I really enjoy your writing and you've dedicated so many years to this site that it'd be ungrateful to not thank you in one way or another. And despite how awkward I've felt towards you since then, you've always treated me with professionalism and respect, in addition to having helped me in our earlier years getting over certain stressors in private conversations. Finally your review in my post-prestige was something I took very seriously and helped me probably more than any other in developing the successes I've managed in 2014. Thank you.
Ren/Kasa: I don't regret being dragged here for a minute. You're one of my important friends and while our character interaction on the site was minimal, your legacy is nothing but. I'll always remember you: the tail bites. The one word post. And that way you can magically make the other thread partner feel so special without ever making yourself lose that special something.
Ryder: if not for your tinkering in mechanics I would have never stayed. Your character was a mentor to Kirishi. You were a really fun guy to get to know. From farming to d&d you always had such a fascinating repitriore of knowledge and skills... Even if your taste in anime makes me vomit.
Tova: if I had to define how I've felt about you over the years the only word I could muster would be "complicated". You've inspired and you've crushed me. You've given me hope and dashed it quite thoroughly. Your name as been as readily associated with friend as it has foe and, frankly, I don't regret any of it one bit. We've had our fights but you've never once blocked me. You've shat on my work but you've never given up on me and were always willing to lend me a hand with my plot or mechanics or whatever. You've succumbed to the same temptations we all have, but your decisions were always weighed down with a weight forever exaggerated due to the gravity of your presence. And while I can feel the hate mail from dare speaking a good word about you as I write up these words, and while they might be confused given how much I have lamented your presence in the past, you really have encouraged me to stay in one way or another and to always want to be a better writer (even if just to make you eat your own words). And while you've caused me more sleepless nights than any other member, I can't help but appreciate what you've helped build here. What you've given us here. And while the community is as a whole a sum of each of its parts, you've always been a worked hard to stave away the demon of stagnation and keep our community alive in one way or another. I will always respect you as an administrator, even if I disagree with a decision or two...the same way you've always given me the benefit of the doubt and time of day as a player. The twins would never have succeeded if not for you and I doubt I'd have even half the dedication I've had to this site without you and your hope that I'll get better. You're really not as bad as even I've said in the past...But you are the worst thing that has ever walked the planet earth. You're human. And that's disgusting.
Ayato: Your a positive presence on this site and I can't wait to thread with you! Thank you for being so nice to me in chat and thank you for having chosen our site.
Miki: My phones autocorrect puts "Yu-Gi-Oh!" right after your name, you know. In all seriousness, you're one of the most memorable characters and players on our site. You have this unmistakeable strength and devotion in you that I can't help but respect, and yet you're character was so memorable and soulful in her own way! I've really proud to have met you, talked with you and, of course, dueled you! Thank you for being my friend and I hope one way or another this message reaches you.
Raph: If there was anyone I'd want to have a beer with, it'd be you. You're the most down the earth guy on this site and you should be proud of that.
Rukia: You have a passion that may have turned many off to your presence here, but I respect the level of dedication and the love you had for your own characters and writing. On top of that you were always nice to me and always willing to listen. Thank you.
Shiki: Its amazing how important your character became my plot given the limited contact we had together. Giving Tenko that seal was one of the watershed moments in their life and coupling it with the speech about how shinigami should treat the mortal race really cemented a lot of my post-prestige themes together. You're a presence here to be reckoned with and I hope to see more of your posts on our community!
Sobek: Damned loyal. I wouldn't have fought for a second if you were to block me when I decided to retire rather than continue as your espada. But you've been as adaptable as your element in both your out of character and in character evolution and I really respect that in ya. You're a fun presence to have on this site and I'm glad I got to use your character in my plot. And I say that without any hint of remose: Kirishi totally used you in the best possible way. My loyal hydra! I really hope you stick around, even if you need a new character to reinvigorate your muse. You have so much potential and you're one of the ballsiest players on the site.
Takua: Alongside Ai and Dew you're easily one of the nicest persons on this site. You manage to be starkingly honest while still being kind and I still regret not having that thread with you we planned for after Noblesse Obligue. Your character is the kind that I could see myself playing and you play him with way more grace than I could hope to muster. I'm really proud to say I'm on the same site as you and I hope we could thread at some point in the future.
Titus: You've been a total bro since I've known you and I don't think there's a bone in your body that doesn't like me (for some reason). You've had your struggles on this site but you've always managed to come out swinging and I can really respect your tenacity and this unshakeable high spirit you have when it comes to adapting yourself to the whims of the site. You're like the friend who comes by having bought a new game for everyone to enjoy but who doesn't complain when we all decide to just play the same old same old! And that's a virtue!
Tora: I'm really proud to have you in my pathfinder group. Our interactions outside of that have been fairly limited, but I can see why you became as popular as you have in such a short amount of time! You're a fabulous roleplayer and I really hope we have a chance to meet in a thread at some point as I've always respected your writing from afar!
Roash: I'm glad to see you have returned! You've always been the definitive mortal character on this site, for me. And hey, you were the one who approved the twins in the first place!
Weylin/Nagisa: I gotta say: your writing in that last thread still blows me away. Nagisa is one of my favorite characters on this site and I want to see more and more of her! And the coincidences that lead to the relationship between Weylin and the twins was nothing short of incredible! You've always been friendly and cordial in your OOC mannerisms and I honestly can't think of what BGotei would be like without you. You've been a constant and positive presence on our site and I really hope we can thread together again in the future!
Alless: You've always been so motivating when we've talked! Seriously its like you're excited to see me and that excitement is so easily mirrored back on me! I wish we had more chances to thread together and I hope we can capitlize on the time we have to be together now! I've always been incredibly impressed with your writing!
Chainhunter: All props to your character. We were only in like half-a-thread together but even then I saw something there that was special. You deserve the praise you got and I'm sorry we didn't get more time together!
Adimus: Brotier #1 you're the hero we deserve! In all seriousness, you've always encouraged me to be myself despite how much others might detest what that really is. Be it example or advise as a friend you've shown me the importance of what it means to just do what makes you happy first. And that's a precious gift that I'll always treasure. Thank you for always supporting me and being the one who see's how much work I do around here. And thank you for always being available when I need someone to vent to!
Cho: Another who has defined this site way more than she may know! The community and society of this site could never have evolved the way it has without you! You're nice and fun-loving and you've always had such a positive energy! I love your characters and it was a great honor to have you want to play my character's little sister! Thank you so much for the advice you've given me over the years and I hope we can thread in the future!
Sophia: You're the one who got me back into Forum RPing and the one who taught me what Bleach was. Its weird after 9 years how we've never actually completed a thread together. And yet we know more about one another's characters than even most thread partners should! You're a kinder person than you oftentimes let on and I hope you find an online community that can see that. I know you never really took off here and likely won't even read this unless I link you, but I can't have a list of people who've influenced me here without you.
Jemu: Man we've had our rows haven't we? And yet you're always willing to start anew the next day like nothing happened! You always had you're priorities straight like that and I really appreciated that about you. You were a strong person who was never willing to compromise yourself and yet you never just threw out a relationship for the sake of your argument...at least with me. Thank you for that.
Lessa/Ria: Our few threads felt so precious that it was like I didn't want to post and risk screwing them up! You're one of the best writers I've had the honor of writing with and I hope beyond all hope we can write together again! Out of character you've always been polite, patient and kind and I can't thank you enough for that friendship between us!
Shiina: Foxes unite?! But, seriously, we had this special bond for a short but real time and I thank you very much for having someone with whom I can share so many secrets. Thank you for the time we spent together and I hope nothing but the best for you.
Riko: You took in my characters and let me be staff. I told you my faults and short-comings and you didn't care. You gave me a chance and I can't thank you enough for that. And I hope you're doing well, wherever you are.
Mika: One of the happiest and friendliest people I knew; the fact Rania never met the twins is heresy! Maybe? I dunno. Sayuri was easily the most influential woman in Suiren's life and I feel a similiar level of respect for how you've held yourself here as Suiren does for character's poise. Thank you for giving me the time of day and I hope we can stay friends for a long time!
Nazo: I completely understand why our relationship went the way it did. But I respect what you always tried to do with this site. Your writing was always something I looked up to and wish we had fostered a closer relationship. You're talented and have made a positive impact on many of my friends, and for that I thank you.
Reima: You're a passionate person who has a lot of potential and I hope you land in a place that can appreciate you. I know we parted ways on kind of a sour note, but I'd be lying if I said that there weren't some great times in a relationship I'll remember forever. Thank you.
Shura: Thank you for collaborating with my future character and I can't wait to RP together. You've always been a positive presence on this site for me and I thank you for joining!
Tatsumi: Your character was a blast to play with and you've always been a wonderful guy to know OOC. I want to see more writing from you and I hope you don't give up on our hobby!
Vic: You're one of my oldest associates from Isshin and you've always been a trusted confidont. Thank you for the respect and dedication you've given our relationship over the years and I can always look up to your willingness to play the character you want to play.
Crystal: Again one of my oldest associates from Isshin and one of the friendliest folks I know! You've always been so nice to me and we've always gotten along so well! Thank you for looking to me in that big-brother kinda way and giving me the motivation to go forward when I'm feeling down!
Zazi: We only had one thread but it was amazing. I absolutely loved it and the depth it went into defining my character's broken psyche was such that it became a watershed moment in Kirishi's career. Thank you for giving me your character's life, even if it was under the circumstances it was under. And thank you for playing a PC who, regardless of her reishi, was able to so thoroughly scare the piss out of my twins (even on a post-prestige murder spree).
So what now?
My "real characters" are kaput. Suiren was never real. Tilly is tied to the inactive Argus. And Kokoro is practically Kohaku's zanpaktou spirit. There are some circumstances I will discuss in another thread by which the twins can still be written. And what's left of their mortal souls are under the complete control of Kenshou and Erasmus. I've been working on an application for another character. And while losing so many valuable friends this last month had at one point eliminated my desire to stay, after a series of long talks with those of you who chose to stay I've decided there's no way in hell your getting rid of me that easily. At least not as long as the friends I so cherish continue to write such amazing stories that I can't help but want to be a part of!
Now a lot of you might think I'm being a hypocrite or a traitor. And, to be honest, the bullshit I've put up with for not leading a rebellion on our site was a substantial push towards staying. But more than that? It was history.
During my time on this site there's been more heated debates and opinions than there have been character apps. And in each one I've found myself having to comfort and side, on or off-topic, with one side or the other. I rarely fought that hard for either side, believing it wiser to choose my battles as carefully as I could. And I always wanted to try to maintain community above and beyond any other issue. So when it was posted that we'd do away with mechanics and reformat staff I was hesitant. Not because I was so vehemently against it. On the contrary, as my posts in those topics make painfully clear, at this point I was so jaded when it came to mechanics that I didn't really care. They had done nothing for me this last year but cause fights, hurt feelings, lost threads and, above all else, wasted a massive amount of time. And ultimately my best threads were always those that went "fuck mechanics; we respect one another enough that we don't need them!"
And that's the crux of the issue here. Respect.
Neither side in this last debate was in the right, as far as I'm concerned. Both had those who had a profound and public history of continued disrespect towards one or more members of our community. And while I wanted to use their opinions to shape my own and wanted them to tell me exactly what it is I should do...it was the reaction of the staff here that made me realize where my loyalties really lied. This community. My friends. My stories. And myself. I want to stay on this site. I like the changes despite the efforts and perhaps less than cordial way they were presented to us. I can forgive when I'm apologized too for past transgressions and I can choose with whom I want to spend my leisure time. And if you hate me for that, I feel sorry for you. Because despite all the bullshit and all the lies and all the conspiracies and all the coups there is something special about every one of you here. There is something to love about every member on this site. You've all made this place what it is. And even if we've never talked, you've probably made my friends happy at one point or another.
And if your not willing to look past the fact I just want to play a game and reject me as a friend over such a trivial issue when I've looked past so much so many of you have done...I really don't know what to say.
Our adherence to rules over the idea that there are other human beings on the other end of those ethernet chords had hurt me and my friends more than it had hurt them. Case in point Sophia. She wanted a shield zanpaktou that reflected spirit attacks. Gave up on the site after the posts I made in her app she asked me to make were moved and she was forced to make her release such that her power could be emulated by anyone with a tech who'd be just as good at her character's primary ability even if they had the same GP invested into the skill. And this is neither the first nor last time I can fish up an example of this: a friend joining the site and trying to get a power only to be told their power will be either denied or nerfed to an extent that it no longer made sense as a power and should instead be a tech. It was humiliating and unmotivating and while several of you could probably argue that they should have just ignored it and played, when your first experience on a site is a bureaucratic mess its hard to see past that the rules were such that people were being sacrificed for the sake of this non-existent "balance".
My own characters were such: my twin's original concept and power defined and entwined completely in the release I developed for them back in 2013. And while the mechanics staff that left last month had nothing to do with what I wrote that summer and fall, the fact even at the highest level of power on the site and with my history of having never PK'd another player I was still not trusted with a largely defense-based skill had completely wrecked my morale because trust is a two way street.
And that's why I'm staying. Because I've learned to trust again. In my community. In others. And, most importantly, in myself. The same way the twins fought to accept their own Fate. The same way they learned to Hope in a future beyond shinigami and hollows. And the same way they came to trust in themselves.
Thank you, Bleach-Gotei for the last four years of Memories. And I Hope that there's Nothing that'll come between us and four more.
WC: 9578; GP: 191; TGP: 0 (Retired)
As of right now my characters are Transcendants. As such they have minimal direct impact on our three primary planes and, as such, have chosen to retire. They can only now "exist" in their relationships and past impacts...and a series of very narrow circumstances I will outline in their final application. They are retired. And in the tradition of Mitsutaka's adieu thread and the encouragement of the site's staff, I've decided to make one of my own.
I had hoped to condense it and make it more digestible. But I figure this thread is about me and who I've been for the past 4 years. And as long as most of my ideas and stories have been presented in such wordy long rants, why do me the disservice of stopping now?
My Transcendent App
Progress: Milestone
The milestone is a bit long, but each section has a "nutshell" section that makes it profoundly shorter.
If you want a more detailed look at my "route to Transcendence", it'd basically be everything I've done this last year. And while I'm not going to pretend it was a direct route wherein I knew where I was going from the beginning till the end, I managed to pull together as clear and concise a story as I could given how many other characters and players I let influence the twins and their plot (not to mention how many threads I was in this last year).
The twins were experiments of Central 46 and the Gotei gone wrong in the best possible way. "Lets spiritually/genetically engineer anti-hollow humans" was hi-jacked by the cultists into "lets turn these into anti-spiritual weapons" that were then lead astray again into "lets worship, revere and serve these spirits (even the ones trying to eat us who keep throwing us up for some reason)."
They spent the first year on this site trying to follow and worship the spirits so hard they were practically paralyzed by indecision if left to their own devices. They went so far as to even fuse into a single entity who was neither spirit nor human just so they could justify fighting spirits for other spirits. This is all covered in my Broken/Sovereign review, where they were finally rejected one too many mines and emerged as "Nothing".
As Nothing they entered their rebellious phase. But rebelling against something is still letting it control you. Their bodies ate one another and thus even distancing themselves from one another. One followed the path of the shinigami, trying to protect humans only to be rejected by the bureacracy and semi-amorality of the Gotei and splitting into Suiren. The other chose the path of the hollow: that which feeds and, over time, dragged the one other forcefully into Las Noches where Tenko came to accept this other side of her.
There Kirishi used her broken sister: plotting against her from her base in the Dangai where the 5000 some-odd years of time dialation played with her already warped mind. Her plan was as convoluted as her "love": Tenko would learn to accept and be accepted by hollowkind while Suiren stood by Kenshou, causing the Soutaichou to slip into insanity for what he did to Tenko. Kirishi would then betray both the Gotei and Las Noches by driving a wedge between her sister and Amaya whilest inciting a war between the two factions by luring captains and espada the like into fighting their brethren and then blaming the other side with falsified evidence. She corrupted minions into double-agents and did this whole political game with both sides, oftentimes using Suiren and her Sister against their wills. She would destroy the worlds and then reveal herself as the greatest threat to both planes only to allow her sister the honor of finishing her off: to make Tenko the hero the world needed and give her sister the freedom of choosing either the shinigami or hollow side without the "corruption" of her sister or the memories that Kirishi sealed away from Tenko that threatened to corrupt the other sibling.
Then when things came to a head, she found herself suddenly pestered by a bit of humanity she never thought she had. In particular: she found that ideal of love in the form of her obsession towards Erasmus and began to see him as more than merely another pawn. She began to trust him.
From there she hesitated in her fight with Kenshou upon learning his inner hollow was Rose. The memories she sealed away from her sister in the twin's hivemind split wide open and Tenko fell into the same madness and depravity as her sister. The twins chose neither Epsada nor Shinigami, but rather the route of dominance over both. They took in Kenshou's zanpaktou spirits and inner hollow, becoming a greater fusion of both beings, only to find themselves face to face with literally Fate. Who proceeded to whup the great "Nothing" who was now de-powered having stupidly accepted an identity for itself and thus losing its potential.
Or had it?
Truth be told Kenshou did defeat the twin's perfect blend of Hollow and Shinigami: those twisted, all consuming souls capable of breaking apart the world at its very seams. But in doing so and taking their shinigami sides as his zanpaktou he also freed a portion of their true selves. And not the pathetic smidgeon of hollow reishi he left behind in the void that Erasmus inadvertantly devoured during his final goodbye to his daughters. No. There was something greater left behind. Something more spawned from the emptiness of nothing. The only thing that can come from Nothing. There was Hope.
Tenko and Kirishi were merely the servants of the shinigami desperate to be accepted by the "order" of the spiritual world. And they had finally succeeded: becoming the intimate partners of the Soutaichou himself in the form of his new zanpaktou. Meanwhile Aiyo and Mie were merely the servants of the hollow desperate to be consumed by the "chaos" of the spiritual world. And they had finally succeeded: becoming the phantasmal daughters of the King of Hueco Mundo in the form of his new release. But these masks weren't really what the twins were about: those constructs of reiryoku desperate for an identity clinging like parasites to the spirits of our world.
No: there was something deeper there. A once grotesque misunderstanding that the Nothing between worlds was an anti-existential force trying to rip apart the world...now an understood force of connection and growth between these worlds. A potential for something that existed beyond souls and reishi and all that muck. Literally the Hope for something beyond everything and a place of final rest for all those souls and memories destroyed in the conflict of the spirits.
The twins exist now as guardian spirits of those spirits and memories and souls too destroyed to reincarnate. A kind of embodiment of the Akasha that now exists on a plane so entirely distinct to physically manfiest in our world and yet too undeniably interweaved with our own to merely stop existing all-together.
The twins now spend their time more as creators than destroyers; not as obsessors nor servants; but rather as protectors and wanderers meandering in the world between all worlds. Theirs is the domain of memories and identities long lost: a metaphysical library of all that has ever been and witnesses to how those thin yet indestructible connections form between those who exist and those who no longer exist. Between those whose legacy continues and those affected by them. Between those who love and those who were loved. And the ability to instill in others the hope for a greater future that can erupt from these dreams is the ultimate form their power take.... At the exact else of the twins inability to hope themselves--knowing firsthand the inevitable fare of all things is to inevitably end and yet seeing first hand the preciousness of that fragility.
They can no longer physically manifest. But they can visit people in a world of pure memories. That is: in their dreams. There are two other methods by which they can appear to others. While they are no longer swarms of minds bound to spiritual essence in the form of their prior bloodlink: they now exist as a hivemind that encompasses so much more than that: as a field between all fields that can only interact in the extraordinary and rare event that the collective soul's metaphysical boundaries are in danger of collapse. In this form they become the telepathic auras of the beings in most direct contact with the anomaly, never quite regaining a complete or even static form as their spirit runs parallel to our plane. Finally they are capable of appearing those being completely destroyed moments before their destruction: a sort of spirit of relief coming to embrace those souls feeling so hopelessly lost in their final hours before they are forever more taken away to that space beyond space.
They are Hope.
Tenko & Kirishi's Story?
Abridged to 1 Paragraph
The twins were born freak servants to both hollow and shinigami. They were never accepted by either. They tried to fight one another to determine which side they'd choose, but wound up Broken. They tried forcing each to instead serve them while simultaneously coming to terms with their lack of true identity only to go mad with power. Tenko and Kirishi almost killed the Soutaichou, taking his zanpaktou spirits and inner hollow, but were then themselves beaten and that part of them that served shinigami taken as Kenshou's new zanpaktou. The hollow part of them dubbed Aiyo and Mie were inadvertantly recovered by Obsession, leaving Nothing but Hope that bid him adieu.
So how Did it End?
(My last month here; shorter)
Erasmus finds the twins and tells them to just eat Rose. He gives them truenames, Aiyo and Mie, that let that part of them manifest free of their "Nothing". They eat Rose and the hollow parts of their souls regenerate enough to take form inside their father and devoured sister Xiaobei. The "Nothing" becomes "Hope", finally free of and at peace with their past hunger to serve. They thank their father and give him their blessings, and then wander off into oblivion, forever more.
Suiren had been taken in by Tokiyo and had her false memories manifest before her. She realized she was a fake and was almost driven mad. In a moment of mercy Kenshou and Tokiyo decided to free her. The now pardoned Kionchi was ordered to wipe her memories, both false and real, and instead let her mind form the memories of a normal mortal. She was left on earth where she accomplished the one time dream of the twins: attending highschool as a normal teenager, happily unaware of any spirits good or evil.
The Part You Came Here For
Thank You Notes
So this is where I list everyone I can remember who made an impact on me and/or my characters? Oh Jesus lets go. This is in order of my skype which I'm pretty sure is drunk in how it orders you people as I can't make heads or tails of it. And I kinda pseudo-randomly stuck in those of you I don't have on skype (anymore) as I remembered ya.
Evelynn: You played the first hollow the twins ever worshipped in a thread. And the last they'd swear fealty to as their Queen. Thank you for the threads we had together. Thank you for always listening to me rant over skype. Thank you for the wonderful advice. And thank you for being such a good friend. You were one of the reasons I decided to come back to ths site and I hope we have many more adventures together than we were able to have in our brief stint as fellow Sovereigns.
Kiriko/Paks: Words cannot describe how amazing you are. You're one of my best friends and at this point perhaps even my closest confidont. You gave me amazing gifts with all your characters and you're easily the most successful peer I know! I'm seriously proud to know you as a writer, member of this community and member of our species. You're a really specail person and still one of the reasons I didn't quit this site so many times in the past. Also Konkon.
Erasmus: Man plotting with you has been amazing. I don't know how you've managed to put up with me and all my hair-brained ideas. Its like every week I change the entire direction and you somehow manage to not only keep up, but inspire me to do better and better things. Its funny how we were both on the site for so long without talking and it was this simple metagame thread that got us to become such good friends! You're a fabulous person and yet another reason I could never leave this site...and one of the most high spirited members of our communtiy! Not to mention, you know, the closest thing the twins ever had to a true savior and one of the friends who got me through the stressors of this last year without having metaphorically blown my brains out.
Kenshou: Another person I'm extraordinarily proud to have met! Every time we thread there's a special connection there and you've always been a total bro to me even when I lose my shit! Thank you for being there and thank you for, honestly, being the best captain I've ever had on any Bleach site ever! You gave Suiren every little bit of plot she had! And, you know, you're one of my anchors here too in your ability to get me to see the big picture and just chill when I start getting to upset about some insignificant little thing. Thank you.
Colin: I'm glad we still have pathfinder because you're still one of my favorite roleplayers. We were only in two threads together but the posts in the second are still some of my favorites for technical skill and expertise. You have a voice like no other and while your passion can sometimes get the best of me (see: our little fights), you know how to keep it as real as your stories (and, fortunately, half as gritty). We may get into squabbles but nevertheless I am proud to admit you and what you did to shape this place into what it is today is one of the reasons I've stayed for as long as I have. Thank you.
Tokiyo: Another person who I can confidentally say lead me to stay with this site for as long as I have. I know I'm a bit of a headache for you: the worst kind of member for interpersonal who causes just enough damage without actually breaking any rules! But, in all seriousness, our talks mean so much to me and your wisdom has been profound. Thank you for being such a wonderful friend to me this last year and I'm proud to be a member of any community that values what you bring to our table. Your writing is super solid and your characters are literally inspiring, in one way or another (see: Tilly). When we first met you called me "A Pillar of the Community" and you were the first to make me feel like that was actually true. You truly do deserve the title "Brokiyo", and I hope I can call you that for years to come.
Hakuren: As far as I'm concerned, for the first year of my life on this site you were Bleach Gotei. Every thread I was in with you wound up being a tear-jerker and our conversations OOC are some of my favorites. You were one of my best friends on this site and I still hope that someday you'll get that itch and return. Thank you for giving both me and my characters so much over the years.
Kasumi: I had never cried so hard per post as I have writing with you. Your character is the sweetest thing and I swear that first thread we were in was so gut-wrencthingly full of feels that I thought I had to turn in my man-card. I haven't seen you around much, recently, but I hope life is treating you well. You were a very sweet person and a more powerful voice in this community than people gave you credit for. Especially with your insanely high quality and post count!
Lyv: We've only known each other a while and yet I feel so connected with you! Your character is great and your always fun to talk with! Thank you so much for the big-brother thing: it really cheered me up each time you called me Onii-chan! And I promise I'll get to finishing our thread now that this twin business is dealt with!
Souta: What can I say? You actually made me write the first even semi-erotic thread I've ever written. I still love how quickly the tone shifted! That being said you've been a total bro to me and the fact work takes so much out of you is a pity! I want ya back buddy! You've always been supportive and I swear we'll have a beer someday!
Yaksha: You've always been supportive of me in one way or another and I've always been grateful of the fact I know I could come to you, day or night anytime, and have someone who'll take the time to hear what I have to say! You play one hell of a character and I know I couldn't have pulled off what you've had to given the challenges.
Ai: Legitimately the nicest and most patient person I've met on this site. I seriously don't think anyone could hate you. Like ever. Its almost scary.
Daisy: Legitimately the craziest person ever. In the bestest possible way. Getting you to play pathfinder has been a dream come true as you bring this insane level of almost child-like wonder with this seemingly effortlessly high level of skill and even macabre twist that generates this wonderful fusion that is so distinctly you! You are a presence on this site like no other!
Kai: It was nice remembering you in your brief but notable return. You've always been an outstanding member of our forum and I really do hope you get this message! I'll always remember your kindness and the insights you brought to us were invaluable!
Dew: Dewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...in all seriousness, again, I have no idea how anyone could ever in 100 years ever dislike you. You're the spitting image of Southern Hospitality and a fine human being to have known these past years. If we never thread we should still definitely drink sometime!
Doc: I know we didn't have much time on the site together but I really value the relatively small amount of time we spent together. I've always heard what a great critic you are and the constructive criticism I've recieved from you both this and last year have really helped both encourage and better where I prioritize my writing. I see why Colin told me "everyone needs a Doc".
Kizen: I know we had a bit of a tussle but you are one of the ballziest players I know. You jump into things with an admirable level of dedication, resourcefulness and above all else courage. I wish I could be as ballsy as you and I hope you stick with the hobby for years to come.
Kyousuke: Half my friends love you. The other half hate you. You definitely have a presence on this site regardless and that alone is worth something! I've actually never really lost any sleep because of you and overall you've been pretty cordial to me when things are important (i.e. asking for a thread). Paks absolutely adores you too so despite our lack of any substantial contact for that reason alone I can thank you.
Ezekial: You're a very giving player. You're willing to RP with someone and basically give your character's future to them while having done basically nothing with them. You're a total bro over skype and your character has this great spark of reality to them that makes me really appreciate what you do with him.
Garra: You're one of the more design savvy folks on this site and I've always appreciated your honesty. Our threads are some of my favorites and your a fantastic writer. You're a very passionate person who cares more for the people around them then you let on. I'm proud to have met you and I know why Paks values your friendship so highly. Thank you.
Hi-To: We've had limited interaction on the site but its always been positive. I can't wait to thread with you!
Kireon: Since that interview I feel we've made a bit of a connection. We've had a couple "maybe soon" threads that never really launched but I've always appreciated your character from afar. You have a energizing kindness about you that makes me smile whenever I see you in chat, and I thank you for it.
Jasper: As far as I'm concerned, you were the noble plot. Your character had this hideous restraint to him that gave a believable level of underlying darkness that was just delicious to have experienced first-hand. You play an amazing noble and, OOC, you've been a friend and a confidont. Thank you.
Jason: Damn I hope you get your own computer so we can skype. We haven't had much in terms of direct in character contact, but our out of character interactions have always been positive. I've always loved what you've done on this site with your characters mechanically and Clara looks like a blast! I really hope we can thread together someday!
Junko: So I've been trying to get a thread going with you for years. You and Jasper are easily my two favorite nobles on this site and while you've been very busy I've come to learn its anything but aloofness with regards to our relationship. Your a kind and sweet person and while you don't have as much time to dedicate to our site as some, I can't imagine Bleach Gotei without you.
Kokuou: Talking about "not enough time to dedicate but can't imagine the site without you"? Haha. But seriously, you've been like a sibling on this site to me in that I've always felt like we've been close even when our threads have kinda stalled (my fault). You've always given me a great deal of respect and a level of courtesy that I don't feel like I've completely earned. I respect the level of research and commitment you've put into your character. But most of all I really do treasure you as the kind of friend I know I can always count on, especially since I've been so unreliable this last year. And just as Tenko had given Kokuou a home, you too have made this place feel like a home to me. Thank you.
Kashe: Legitimately the best DM I've had on this site. You've been a total bro and while our character's haven't had any interaction on these pages, OOC you're a patient, kind and fun-loving guy who I'm proud to see in my pathfinder group.
Keiji: Man I want to RP with you so much more! Calling Suiren a Kitten was the height of those interview threads for me! And the tea meeting with Kirishi was fantastic! Your character has this depth I see between the lines that really wants to make me keep writing with you for years to come! And your patience when it comes to my sudden shifts in plot is really appreciated!
Jian: Thanks for joining that pathfinder game! I know you said you were sad you never got to thread with me but don't worry: we will write together sometime!
Koori: Every time I see you log into skype I smile. Its that simple. I swear to god you're the cutest thing since Cirno! You have this aura about you that always makes me glad to remember you exist and whether its your writing or your OOC chatting you put forth this level of positive energy that I wish I could match!
Mitsu: Another complicated relationship. We never really did write together and I still feel bad about how I handled that drama that lead to us moving here. I really enjoy your writing and you've dedicated so many years to this site that it'd be ungrateful to not thank you in one way or another. And despite how awkward I've felt towards you since then, you've always treated me with professionalism and respect, in addition to having helped me in our earlier years getting over certain stressors in private conversations. Finally your review in my post-prestige was something I took very seriously and helped me probably more than any other in developing the successes I've managed in 2014. Thank you.
Ren/Kasa: I don't regret being dragged here for a minute. You're one of my important friends and while our character interaction on the site was minimal, your legacy is nothing but. I'll always remember you: the tail bites. The one word post. And that way you can magically make the other thread partner feel so special without ever making yourself lose that special something.
Ryder: if not for your tinkering in mechanics I would have never stayed. Your character was a mentor to Kirishi. You were a really fun guy to get to know. From farming to d&d you always had such a fascinating repitriore of knowledge and skills... Even if your taste in anime makes me vomit.
Tova: if I had to define how I've felt about you over the years the only word I could muster would be "complicated". You've inspired and you've crushed me. You've given me hope and dashed it quite thoroughly. Your name as been as readily associated with friend as it has foe and, frankly, I don't regret any of it one bit. We've had our fights but you've never once blocked me. You've shat on my work but you've never given up on me and were always willing to lend me a hand with my plot or mechanics or whatever. You've succumbed to the same temptations we all have, but your decisions were always weighed down with a weight forever exaggerated due to the gravity of your presence. And while I can feel the hate mail from dare speaking a good word about you as I write up these words, and while they might be confused given how much I have lamented your presence in the past, you really have encouraged me to stay in one way or another and to always want to be a better writer (even if just to make you eat your own words). And while you've caused me more sleepless nights than any other member, I can't help but appreciate what you've helped build here. What you've given us here. And while the community is as a whole a sum of each of its parts, you've always been a worked hard to stave away the demon of stagnation and keep our community alive in one way or another. I will always respect you as an administrator, even if I disagree with a decision or two...the same way you've always given me the benefit of the doubt and time of day as a player. The twins would never have succeeded if not for you and I doubt I'd have even half the dedication I've had to this site without you and your hope that I'll get better. You're really not as bad as even I've said in the past...But you are the worst thing that has ever walked the planet earth. You're human. And that's disgusting.
Ayato: Your a positive presence on this site and I can't wait to thread with you! Thank you for being so nice to me in chat and thank you for having chosen our site.
Miki: My phones autocorrect puts "Yu-Gi-Oh!" right after your name, you know. In all seriousness, you're one of the most memorable characters and players on our site. You have this unmistakeable strength and devotion in you that I can't help but respect, and yet you're character was so memorable and soulful in her own way! I've really proud to have met you, talked with you and, of course, dueled you! Thank you for being my friend and I hope one way or another this message reaches you.
Raph: If there was anyone I'd want to have a beer with, it'd be you. You're the most down the earth guy on this site and you should be proud of that.
Rukia: You have a passion that may have turned many off to your presence here, but I respect the level of dedication and the love you had for your own characters and writing. On top of that you were always nice to me and always willing to listen. Thank you.
Shiki: Its amazing how important your character became my plot given the limited contact we had together. Giving Tenko that seal was one of the watershed moments in their life and coupling it with the speech about how shinigami should treat the mortal race really cemented a lot of my post-prestige themes together. You're a presence here to be reckoned with and I hope to see more of your posts on our community!
Sobek: Damned loyal. I wouldn't have fought for a second if you were to block me when I decided to retire rather than continue as your espada. But you've been as adaptable as your element in both your out of character and in character evolution and I really respect that in ya. You're a fun presence to have on this site and I'm glad I got to use your character in my plot. And I say that without any hint of remose: Kirishi totally used you in the best possible way. My loyal hydra! I really hope you stick around, even if you need a new character to reinvigorate your muse. You have so much potential and you're one of the ballsiest players on the site.
Takua: Alongside Ai and Dew you're easily one of the nicest persons on this site. You manage to be starkingly honest while still being kind and I still regret not having that thread with you we planned for after Noblesse Obligue. Your character is the kind that I could see myself playing and you play him with way more grace than I could hope to muster. I'm really proud to say I'm on the same site as you and I hope we could thread at some point in the future.
Titus: You've been a total bro since I've known you and I don't think there's a bone in your body that doesn't like me (for some reason). You've had your struggles on this site but you've always managed to come out swinging and I can really respect your tenacity and this unshakeable high spirit you have when it comes to adapting yourself to the whims of the site. You're like the friend who comes by having bought a new game for everyone to enjoy but who doesn't complain when we all decide to just play the same old same old! And that's a virtue!
Tora: I'm really proud to have you in my pathfinder group. Our interactions outside of that have been fairly limited, but I can see why you became as popular as you have in such a short amount of time! You're a fabulous roleplayer and I really hope we have a chance to meet in a thread at some point as I've always respected your writing from afar!
Roash: I'm glad to see you have returned! You've always been the definitive mortal character on this site, for me. And hey, you were the one who approved the twins in the first place!
Weylin/Nagisa: I gotta say: your writing in that last thread still blows me away. Nagisa is one of my favorite characters on this site and I want to see more and more of her! And the coincidences that lead to the relationship between Weylin and the twins was nothing short of incredible! You've always been friendly and cordial in your OOC mannerisms and I honestly can't think of what BGotei would be like without you. You've been a constant and positive presence on our site and I really hope we can thread together again in the future!
Alless: You've always been so motivating when we've talked! Seriously its like you're excited to see me and that excitement is so easily mirrored back on me! I wish we had more chances to thread together and I hope we can capitlize on the time we have to be together now! I've always been incredibly impressed with your writing!
Chainhunter: All props to your character. We were only in like half-a-thread together but even then I saw something there that was special. You deserve the praise you got and I'm sorry we didn't get more time together!
Adimus: Brotier #1 you're the hero we deserve! In all seriousness, you've always encouraged me to be myself despite how much others might detest what that really is. Be it example or advise as a friend you've shown me the importance of what it means to just do what makes you happy first. And that's a precious gift that I'll always treasure. Thank you for always supporting me and being the one who see's how much work I do around here. And thank you for always being available when I need someone to vent to!
Cho: Another who has defined this site way more than she may know! The community and society of this site could never have evolved the way it has without you! You're nice and fun-loving and you've always had such a positive energy! I love your characters and it was a great honor to have you want to play my character's little sister! Thank you so much for the advice you've given me over the years and I hope we can thread in the future!
Sophia: You're the one who got me back into Forum RPing and the one who taught me what Bleach was. Its weird after 9 years how we've never actually completed a thread together. And yet we know more about one another's characters than even most thread partners should! You're a kinder person than you oftentimes let on and I hope you find an online community that can see that. I know you never really took off here and likely won't even read this unless I link you, but I can't have a list of people who've influenced me here without you.
Jemu: Man we've had our rows haven't we? And yet you're always willing to start anew the next day like nothing happened! You always had you're priorities straight like that and I really appreciated that about you. You were a strong person who was never willing to compromise yourself and yet you never just threw out a relationship for the sake of your argument...at least with me. Thank you for that.
Lessa/Ria: Our few threads felt so precious that it was like I didn't want to post and risk screwing them up! You're one of the best writers I've had the honor of writing with and I hope beyond all hope we can write together again! Out of character you've always been polite, patient and kind and I can't thank you enough for that friendship between us!
Shiina: Foxes unite?! But, seriously, we had this special bond for a short but real time and I thank you very much for having someone with whom I can share so many secrets. Thank you for the time we spent together and I hope nothing but the best for you.
Riko: You took in my characters and let me be staff. I told you my faults and short-comings and you didn't care. You gave me a chance and I can't thank you enough for that. And I hope you're doing well, wherever you are.
Mika: One of the happiest and friendliest people I knew; the fact Rania never met the twins is heresy! Maybe? I dunno. Sayuri was easily the most influential woman in Suiren's life and I feel a similiar level of respect for how you've held yourself here as Suiren does for character's poise. Thank you for giving me the time of day and I hope we can stay friends for a long time!
Nazo: I completely understand why our relationship went the way it did. But I respect what you always tried to do with this site. Your writing was always something I looked up to and wish we had fostered a closer relationship. You're talented and have made a positive impact on many of my friends, and for that I thank you.
Reima: You're a passionate person who has a lot of potential and I hope you land in a place that can appreciate you. I know we parted ways on kind of a sour note, but I'd be lying if I said that there weren't some great times in a relationship I'll remember forever. Thank you.
Shura: Thank you for collaborating with my future character and I can't wait to RP together. You've always been a positive presence on this site for me and I thank you for joining!
Tatsumi: Your character was a blast to play with and you've always been a wonderful guy to know OOC. I want to see more writing from you and I hope you don't give up on our hobby!
Vic: You're one of my oldest associates from Isshin and you've always been a trusted confidont. Thank you for the respect and dedication you've given our relationship over the years and I can always look up to your willingness to play the character you want to play.
Crystal: Again one of my oldest associates from Isshin and one of the friendliest folks I know! You've always been so nice to me and we've always gotten along so well! Thank you for looking to me in that big-brother kinda way and giving me the motivation to go forward when I'm feeling down!
Zazi: We only had one thread but it was amazing. I absolutely loved it and the depth it went into defining my character's broken psyche was such that it became a watershed moment in Kirishi's career. Thank you for giving me your character's life, even if it was under the circumstances it was under. And thank you for playing a PC who, regardless of her reishi, was able to so thoroughly scare the piss out of my twins (even on a post-prestige murder spree).
So what now?
My "real characters" are kaput. Suiren was never real. Tilly is tied to the inactive Argus. And Kokoro is practically Kohaku's zanpaktou spirit. There are some circumstances I will discuss in another thread by which the twins can still be written. And what's left of their mortal souls are under the complete control of Kenshou and Erasmus. I've been working on an application for another character. And while losing so many valuable friends this last month had at one point eliminated my desire to stay, after a series of long talks with those of you who chose to stay I've decided there's no way in hell your getting rid of me that easily. At least not as long as the friends I so cherish continue to write such amazing stories that I can't help but want to be a part of!
Now a lot of you might think I'm being a hypocrite or a traitor. And, to be honest, the bullshit I've put up with for not leading a rebellion on our site was a substantial push towards staying. But more than that? It was history.
During my time on this site there's been more heated debates and opinions than there have been character apps. And in each one I've found myself having to comfort and side, on or off-topic, with one side or the other. I rarely fought that hard for either side, believing it wiser to choose my battles as carefully as I could. And I always wanted to try to maintain community above and beyond any other issue. So when it was posted that we'd do away with mechanics and reformat staff I was hesitant. Not because I was so vehemently against it. On the contrary, as my posts in those topics make painfully clear, at this point I was so jaded when it came to mechanics that I didn't really care. They had done nothing for me this last year but cause fights, hurt feelings, lost threads and, above all else, wasted a massive amount of time. And ultimately my best threads were always those that went "fuck mechanics; we respect one another enough that we don't need them!"
And that's the crux of the issue here. Respect.
Neither side in this last debate was in the right, as far as I'm concerned. Both had those who had a profound and public history of continued disrespect towards one or more members of our community. And while I wanted to use their opinions to shape my own and wanted them to tell me exactly what it is I should do...it was the reaction of the staff here that made me realize where my loyalties really lied. This community. My friends. My stories. And myself. I want to stay on this site. I like the changes despite the efforts and perhaps less than cordial way they were presented to us. I can forgive when I'm apologized too for past transgressions and I can choose with whom I want to spend my leisure time. And if you hate me for that, I feel sorry for you. Because despite all the bullshit and all the lies and all the conspiracies and all the coups there is something special about every one of you here. There is something to love about every member on this site. You've all made this place what it is. And even if we've never talked, you've probably made my friends happy at one point or another.
And if your not willing to look past the fact I just want to play a game and reject me as a friend over such a trivial issue when I've looked past so much so many of you have done...I really don't know what to say.
Our adherence to rules over the idea that there are other human beings on the other end of those ethernet chords had hurt me and my friends more than it had hurt them. Case in point Sophia. She wanted a shield zanpaktou that reflected spirit attacks. Gave up on the site after the posts I made in her app she asked me to make were moved and she was forced to make her release such that her power could be emulated by anyone with a tech who'd be just as good at her character's primary ability even if they had the same GP invested into the skill. And this is neither the first nor last time I can fish up an example of this: a friend joining the site and trying to get a power only to be told their power will be either denied or nerfed to an extent that it no longer made sense as a power and should instead be a tech. It was humiliating and unmotivating and while several of you could probably argue that they should have just ignored it and played, when your first experience on a site is a bureaucratic mess its hard to see past that the rules were such that people were being sacrificed for the sake of this non-existent "balance".
My own characters were such: my twin's original concept and power defined and entwined completely in the release I developed for them back in 2013. And while the mechanics staff that left last month had nothing to do with what I wrote that summer and fall, the fact even at the highest level of power on the site and with my history of having never PK'd another player I was still not trusted with a largely defense-based skill had completely wrecked my morale because trust is a two way street.
And that's why I'm staying. Because I've learned to trust again. In my community. In others. And, most importantly, in myself. The same way the twins fought to accept their own Fate. The same way they learned to Hope in a future beyond shinigami and hollows. And the same way they came to trust in themselves.
Thank you, Bleach-Gotei for the last four years of Memories. And I Hope that there's Nothing that'll come between us and four more.
WC: 9578; GP: 191; TGP: 0 (Retired)
