Left or Right? [Nanami]

What saw her out here? In the middle of nowhere, alone, with little notice other than a message to a subordinate that she'd be gone for a little while. Nanami had done this on a whim, certainly, but there was no mistaking that it had the taste of duty to it. This was the sort of thing that the Seireitei did not need, the sort of turmoil and chaos that would see disruption further than they had already endured. Just a moment of peace, that's all she wanted.

Getting away from the Seireitei for a few days was an added bonus.

She'd found the trail quickly enough, it wasn't terribly hard if you knew what you were looking for. Upheaval, unrest, conversation from those who didn't normally talk about such things. She'd witnessed such things in the mortal world, the hints of revolution, or someone attempting to anyway. She pursued it on the edge of her senses, like a beacon in the darkness of the low powered Rukongai, it dwarfed everything around it for a long distance, a Shinigami she didn't recognize at this power? Something didn't feel right. It seemed her curiosity had led her to a possible target of assassination.

It led to the need for confrontation. She closed, found the town she was staying and decided to see for herself who this mysterious Shinigami was. She pursued openly now, power hinted and shown to draw her out of the woodwork while she moved to the edge of the woods near the village she'd tracked her to.

Disbelief was her first impression. Here was a beautiful woman whose appearance bordered on the edge familiarity, where did Nanami know her from? Why did she seem so familiar while her spirit was anything but? Confusion was evident on her face, but not enough to keep the hilt of her Zanpakuto ungripped. As far as she was concerned, she was the enemy. It took a moment before something clicked, with the pink blond hair, the hint of anxiety.

'Her name is Evelynn Avana.'

The Arrancar. One scheduled for execution atop the Sokyoku Hill. Rescued last minute by Takua. The reiatsu, so dressed up and plain, a disguise worn to travel freely? Remembering who it was that saved her was all that stayed her blade, kept it rooted in her sheath for the moment.

"I must admit, I'm of mixed feelings finding you here, Evelynn Avana. Your execution did not sit well with me, I had thought you a political pawn, and nothing more. I was glad surviving such things is something that we had in common." She paused and straightened up, her hand did not so much as twitch, simply resting atop the hilt ready in an instant. "You don't know me of course, I am Nanami Hideaki, Shinigami, stand in Captain of the Fifth Division."

"I had wished to meet with you, but under better circumstances. Instead, I find you here wearing the guise of my order spreading dissent and nonsense to a desperate people? Clever little branding, half heart? The fact that Takua himself saw fit to rescue you is the only reason I'm entertaining this. Explain yourself."

529/529

Well informed. As to be expected of a Captain. The Fifth nonetheless. That was the combat one, right? Eve was never well versed in the hierarchy of the Seireitei, though that was mostly out of apathy. Everything she learned she had gleamed from her conversations here in the Rukongai. A few passing comments of low ranking Shinigami, the rumors the citizens circulated. Most of it probably grade-a bullshit, but it was all she had to go off. The Fifth was the one typically responsible for patrols and combat. That much Eve was confident in. Was there really anything else she needed to know?

“Call me Eve,” the Vaizard began slowly, biding time as she eyed up the self proclaimed Captain. “You got a rather formal way of talking. Upbringing, or are you nervous?”

Her strength stretched out just a hair more. A thick fog that crept around Nanami’s ankles and tightened around them just enough to be noticed. It invaded her mind and whispered about something darker than it appeared. After all, Arrancar do not simply become Shinigami. And yet, here stood the woman without a mask.

“Takua is a wonderful man,” she said suddenly after a brief pause, her mood dampening at the mere mention of him. “If you’re a friend of him, I refuse to fight you -- he wouldn’t want us to kill each other. Even if he’s not around, I’d like to live up to his expectations of me.”

Big words that didn’t sit well within her. Things were left open ended with Takua. Questions unanswered, feelings unaddressed. So much of it left up in the air and he had yet to return for her. He promised he would after finishing some “things”, but how long would that be?

Was he even still alive?

Her Reiatsu slipped away from Nanami and curled in around her body before fading away entirely. Before Nanami stood the ideal Shinigami spiritual tag. Absolutely nothing about it stood out as unordinary. Textbook, even. Though, maybe that was rather ominous to someone who knew a thing or two about how souls worked.

“So, to finally address you questions, I’m not doing anything here.” Her answer came sharp and matter-of-factly. “Is it a crime to talk to the people I now live with? If you’re afraid of people who can’t even feed themselves, then the Seireitei is in a sorrier state than I thought it was. If I wanted to cause you troubles, I’d bring my preaching to your door.”

An idea hit her just then, slapping a small smile onto her face as she shifted her weight to her left side. A juicy idea, indeed. To have a Captain on her side would be invaluable and with Takua being the common denominator between them.

“If you want me to stop, I’ll stop,” she shrugged it off so easily. “But I can tell you’re curious. If you wanted me to shut up and leave, you would have said that instead of hiding behind Takua’s name. Maybe you’re interested in hearing the whole story to my side of this.”

An eerie pause followed a low smirk. Slowly, she pointed at Nanami, directly at her chest. With just that simple gesture, her eyes started to shift into a shade of green. And then blue. And then white. Slowly, they faded from one color to the next, marking the activation of those mystical eyes of hers.

“Or maybe you’re looking to find some answers about that little Hollow in your soul?”

[584]

"Eve, then" she replied calm and even dropping a bit of the conversational tone she'd formally adopted. Best not to pretend too much familiarity with a stranger, one whom you were resolved to kill after all. Eve's comment made her smile, a little laugh escaped and the smile faded. "You'll find it change as we go on, my formalities shift with the situation I've found. Live long enough and it all begins to blur."

A shiver ran down her spine, a visible, if slight, shudder followed and she tilted her head, a dangerous gleam passing over her eyes as Nanami's own Reiatsu began to pour forth with an evident killing intent. Not Arrancar, could it be possible? Could this...thing truly be a Shinigami? It made no sense! "How," she breathed, a sudden overwhelming desire to understand began to take hold. If there was hope for an Arrancar...? No. Whatever she was doing was clouding judgment, such a thing was impossible, wasn't it?

"Unfortunately for us both, and perhaps for him, I feel no such compulsion, and would hesitate to suggest that you're living up to any expectations out here, knowing what I've learned pursuing you." She eased up even slightly as Evelynn's energy receded and coiled back around her, took a moment to recenter and steady herself, a step back from pulling the trigger.

She laughed, mirthlessly this time at the insinuation that she was doing nothing wrong. "Eve. I know that you are not an idiot, you are clever and resourceful. Now that I've shown you the extension of respect, I'd hope you might do the same. The reason you do not preach at our doorstep is because you would lose that pretty little head of yours faster than you could ever hope to make it a martyr for whatever cause this is your trying to push." She was being rude, nerves would do that. She exhaled sharply, too much attention was trying to put together the riddle of Eve's basic existence, trying to unravel the illusion or trick that hid her mask, hid behind the energy she showed that so obviously disguised reality.

"I do want you to stop," she intoned somberly. "But you're right. I do want to understand your side as well, and your nature, how you've hidden your mask." Perhaps a chance, a slim justification for her to hang her hat on that this would not need to come to violence. She paused as Eve smirked, felt a pit form in her stomach fill up with anxiety and dread. Her hand gripped her Zanpakuto as Eve pointed, staring at eyes that began to shift in color, beautiful and stranger and dangerous. "What are you-"

She was struck silent by the next words. There was a moment of hesitation and doubt, a desire to resist what had to be a trick, a probe, some kind of ploy to have her reveal herself. The pit of anxiety and dread served as the fuel that burned a cold and naked fear through her, she felt it as physical as anything else. It soaked into her muscles, kept them frozen and rooted when all she wanted to do was act, was to fight back. A voice always kept hidden by the fear of discovery saw no reason for disguise, it hissed quiet in her ear for her to fight, to draw her blade and kill her before any discovered driving that same basic need for survival. Her muscles flexed, her spirit took on a dangerous and wild edge.

"...How? How did you...?"

594/1123

“I have no mask to hide, Nanami,” Eve spoke calmly as the Captain’s eyes widened and she breathed out her question. “No more of a mask than you’re going to have, that is.”

Slowly, careful not to make the poor girl freak out, Eve dropped her hand to her side, away from her sword, and stood there. Staring. Evaluating. Even those especially skilled in seeing the spiritual world would struggle to find a Vaizard, let alone a budding one. They were so perfectly worked into the soul of the Shinigami, there was nothing to be found to the casual eyes. But to the mother of modern Vaizard and the person gifted with the specific knowledge to find them, it was like smelling a pie cooking to her.

A delicious pie she wanted to sink her teeth into before it was even cool.

“But if you want to know why I know, then you don’t know me as well as you pretend.” The words came out smooth and easy, as if talking to a friend. “Do you know why I was to be executed?”

The question hung for a few seconds and then a few seconds longer. They lingered even after Nanami’s stare hardened and she put two and two together. It was only when her lips began to part did Eve speak up, voice proud but doting.

“I’m your spiritual mother, Nanami,” she proclaimed with a gentle, encouraging smile. “I may not have made you into what you are now, but it’s because of my influence that those half-hearts -- those Shinigami -- have begun to realize what it’s like to feel whole. What it’s like for those cracks in your soul to be mended and held together for the first time in your life.”

Carefully, she took a half step forward. Her eyes dropped to peer into Nanami’s soul, admiring the way the discontented waves pulsed from it. To Nanami, they were voices that spoke of unease and fear, but to Eve they were beyond words. It was an intimate understanding of the meaning behind them. It was truly an experience to see such a soul before her. It never got old.

“It must be difficult,” Eve said softly. “Being a Captain but struggling to fill your very soul. Especially with the staple against us Vaizards. I bet they call us monsters. Unholy creatures. But I guess it’s right to hate what you don’t understand.”

Eve shook her head and looked away. Her eyes faded back into their normal golden glimmer. She had seen everything she needed to see to know where this was going. Nanami wouldn’t attack her -- not when she held so much knowledge to the confusing trials she was going through. Eve was invaluable, even if she dared to encourage the hesitant the Captain surely had late at night.

“But I’m sure you’re starting to understand,” she concluded with a tender smile and a nod to the Captain. “The fact that your soul has been searching for me, begging for me to help guide you, is proof enough. Like all of my children, I’m here for you and I’ll happily guide be there for every step you make in the right direction.”

[534]

Nanami shut her eyes tight, she felt unbalanced, a terrible sense of vertigo. It was that distressingly familiar careening sense of falling and desperately trying to grab hold of something before she lost her footing completely.  It was just words she reminded herself, words alone couldn't hurt her, so she shouldn't let them disquiet her soul so much. She opened her eyes, look deeply into Eve's. There was no denying her fear, she felt it as plain as day, but she had regained composure if for a moment.

She knew what the execution was for, she nodded wordlessly and tried to consider the implication. Evelynn had no part in what happened to her soul, but she knew better than anyone the effects, the result. She hesitated, how could an Arrancar become a Shinigami? Certainly enough time in the cycle but just like that? Mere months apart? She held onto the mystery, another thread to keep her centered.
"Spiritual...mother?" She tested the words, she didn't like them, it wasn't ego, not strictly. Half-hearts, Shinigami. The term carried its implication freely, Shinigami who were missing something, missing something to make them whole their other side. She felt nauseous at the thought, that shiver down her spine was worse. The half step that Eve took towards her threw her further disorder, a twitching movement almost pulled her blade free at the same time she almost took her hand free of it. Eve wouldn't hurt her, she wasn't a threat, not physically. Something deep down warned her of the danger, but everything else told her that she was safe.

Eve spoke soothingly, a comforting voice that for once didn't seem to judge or warn her against the fear of what she was. Sympathy was welcome balm for such an aged aching soul, but what it said didn't sit well. She didn't like what it meant. "What I don't...understand...?" Nanami's eyes snap to focus and she shook her head slightly. If anyone understood the monster inside, it was Nanami. Her hand slid free of the hilt, rested at her side. "I didn't come seeking you out," she warned, but then how would she know? Was not there a familiar feeling of comfort in her presence? Why else would she have indulged her thus far? A strange presence, hiding what was behind it, a woman responsible for those things not wholly unlike her. Wasn't she lost now? Wasn't she alone without Gamikira's guiding voice? How could she find balance so afraid to even look.

Her fist tightened.

"No..." She shook her head vigorously, as if waking up from a sleep. "No that isn't what I'm here for. I fear what I don't understand? I am only now becoming whole?" She trembled. This was the same message she'd heard already. Gamikira had warned her of much the same. "I don't want to understand! I don't want to be whole if it means that -THING- is apart of my being! I am not like it! I am not a monster, I am not a wild killer!" To make peace with the monster meant allowing it to live on inside of her, guiding her, directing her will. "I am -dangerous- with that thing in me, to everyone around me! To everything I've worked so hard to build! I spent a millenia indulging in the terrible things it led me to do, and another hiding from it! I just want to be free of it! Not everyone is made whole by this!" Her last protest's echoes died out, capture by the woods and air around them, she grew silent still, slack.

"Not me..." She stared up at Eve, exasperatedly searching for something. "How can anyone be made whole by something like this...? You can't possibly believe that!?"

682/1751

Her smile slipped into a small frown as Nanami’s soul burned with rejection. She was hearing what she wasn’t ready to hear. It was only natural. Even as she flinched when Eve approached, it was all just a knee-jerk reaction. Nothing Eve could say would get through to her. Irrational fear that came when a child touched a flame for the first time. It made her want to reach out and calm the child with a gentle hug.

But the last thing she wanted was to be run through again.

“Nanami,” Eve mumbled her name, an understanding hum following the simple name. “It’s difficult, I know. But do you know what your spirits even are? Your Zanpakout spirit is your better half -- one who guides you down the path of least resistance in hopes of watching you grow. But that other voice? Your inner Hollow?”

She let the name hang, wondering if that was the first time Nanami even heard it called something like that.

“It’s your darker half, meant to show you where things can go wrong. It gives you perspective you could never get as a half-heart,” she continued as gently as ever. “Think about it. If it wasn’t for that little spirit, would you have ever even realized there was this darker part of you lurking, waiting to slowly crawl into your personality? That inner Hollow is not a foreign body -- it’s a manifestation of your soul, just like your Zanpakuto spirit.”

Eve would not waver in the face of someone so clearly conflicted. She would not bow to a temper tantrum. She would face it head on and break through until Nanami saw it. Until, even at a subconscious level, she started to understand just what the right decision was.

“The murderer inside of you? I don’t have to know you to know it represents a suppressed part of your soul. The very thing you constantly run from,” her words hardened just a hair. “Are you going to keep running away and feed the very thing you hate so much, or will you accept your faults and use this new opportunity to be a better you?”

That was when she stopped. A sigh escaped her as her muscles relaxed and she leaned away. It was much tougher to just talk it out rather than force the poor woman down the right path. But it wasn’t Eve’s call to make. She learned the hard way that she couldn’t make decisions for anyone else other than herself. All she could do was give them the tools to make an informed decision. It was a rather helpless position to be in.

“I can help you understand your spirit,” the words tumbled out hesitantly. “I can give you a medium to talk to it so you can decide for yourself if you want to take the harder route and make yourself better. Similarly, I can point you down the path to crushing that part of you until it’s just a subconscious tick that subtly plays out in your everyday actions.”

Her hand came out, a simple gesture filled with more meaning any word she could say.

“Left or right, Nanami Hideaki?”

[531]

Did she even know her spirits, a bitter laugh followed the question. She knew Gamikira for but a year now, and that monstrous thing for even less, but they'd always been within her, guiding her, even if she didn't know they existed. "Inner Hollow," she tasted the words as she spoke it. The little devil on her shoulder, the monstrous aspect of her nature. She didn't like it.

She felt short of breath, the air that gone in didn't seem to be enough as if the air itself around her was running out, as the walls closed in and her chest tightened. These were things that she knew, facts that Eve stated were impossible to ignore as they were fundamental to Nanami's understanding but they brought her no peace to face once again. She felt that old sickly feeling, hopelessness. This was what had led her to try to take her life when she discovered its appearance, she could never bring herself to that point again, her desire to live was now too strong to possibly ignore, how shameful.

"I...I -can't-" she stressed breathlessly. She wanted to crumple up, fall to a knee and try to catch her breath but she brashly forced herself to stand, bent over and tried to quiet her unsteady self. Words, so many words and thoughts and feeling and she could process none of them, refused to process any of them too afraid of what letting anything in meant and all it caused was a further backup, a longer line of impossible terrifying things to consider.

Left. Or right. One side or the other. Two decisions, binaries. Right and wrong. Good and evil. Peace and conflict. Hollow and Shinigami. Hollow-Shinigami. Gamikira, the monster inside. She was alone, nobody could see, nobody understood. But they all told her it was her that had to understand, it was Nanami who needed to get it. She couldn't win, she couldn't fight, she was a monster, no matter how much she denied it. A dozen voices all saying the same thing, Tokiyo, Nagisa, Takua, Eve, and above them all, Gamikira.

You cannot keep running forever, Nanami. Sooner or later the past will catch up with you. She is a part of your soul. She is a reflection of you just as I am. The proof of this is the very nature of her existence and you know that. No matter how much you've tried. Every step you take trying to escape her because you're afraid of that fact feeds her, and you keep feeding her until she grows strong enough to take you, all of you, consume you until there's nothing left of what makes you, you, what makes me, me. There will only be her.

I will not lend you my power, only to see it turned to her purpose Nanami. Accept her, or be destroyed.

Nanami grabbed her head tight and fell to her knees tucked in as she let out a guttural scream, terrified, confused, angry, hurt. Gamikira's voice as real and tangible as the day that Nanami had confronted her, had accused her of conspiring with that beast inside of her to lead Nanami along some kind of unity, to embrace that terrible side of herself. Her scream died out into the distance leaving them in silence. She unbuckled, but remained on her knees, bowed and bent. "Two choices, one to find some peace with what I am, the other to reject it and leave myself at the whims of impulse, led and manipulated by its dark desires unchecked," her voice was quiet and faint but there was a slowly growing weight to it as a determination began to find weight.

"I don't understand, I've never understood. I've struggled with these desires for two millennia Eve. I've been a monster for so long, every waking moment a dread of what my twisted desires would lead me to do. It was a long time before I had the good sense to be ashamed of it, it took a very long time for me to realize that I'd never be free of it, and so I locked myself away. Prison sentences, a dedication of my life in the fourth. When a sword presented itself, I leapt upon it, surrendered my powers in escaping execution for a crime of treason, vanished to the human world."

"Without my powers, I could breathe for the first time, I toured the world for centuries, wandered battlefields, helped the sick and dying. I opened a bookshop, I was at peace."

She reached a hand up, to wipe away tears and turned up to look at Eve face to face, her brown eyes gleaming. "It wasn't real, it was an illusion, I know that it wasn't me. It was the same as choosing to die without the nerve to go through with it. I was led back to my powers, by that thing inside me, I was driven to fight, to spill blood. I delighted in misery, and suffering and bloodletting. I hungered."

She drew her blade, no urgency or speed, simply drew it and held it up, studying its shining edge. "It was Gamikira who brought me back. Who showed me another way, she guided me along the path, to use those desires for good. She appeared and gave me the strength to stand. Even then she knew that she would never trust me to overcome those desires. Two millennia that thing existed inside me, twisting me, changing me, guiding me along the path until it, or I was strong enough to take control."

She let out a sound, shook her head as if trying to cover it up and broke her gaze with Eve. A waiver entered her voice followed by a few scant tears. "But I believed. I believed I could be more, I believed I could be better than it. That I didn't need to control the monster inside of me, that I could be free. In spite of centuries of evidence, of trying and failing, I thought that with Gamikira at my side I could finally do it."

"Stupid. I was so, so stupid. Gamikira, never believed. She worked alongside that monster, to guide me towards that very path." She motioned to the left. "When I learned what it really was inside of me, I tried to kill myself. It was Takua who told me what I was and why I felt those dark desires, and stopped me and made me fight, but it was all false, it was all just a means to get me to accept what I was."

"Accept what I am!" she spat, as if it were venom. She tightened her fists and shook her head. "I am given a choice, to accept or to fall and I can't! Both of them are failures! In both cases I am a monster! What does it matter if it's one degree or another! I don't fear my nature because it is Hollow, I fear it because it is a monster! How am I...how could I ever accept something like that!?"

"Neither!" she shouted. "I refuse! I reject! I...I won't ever! I'll fight! I'll fight until I can't stand, and keep fighting, so long as I can stand, so long as I can swing this Zanpakuto, even as I reject its spirit!" A dark sensation began to form, a sickly pale scent of death began to permeate around them, working its way through her energy.

1253/3004

“You can,” Eve cut in, silencing the beginnings of a protest. “You can, Nanami.”

The words were enough to silence the woman and make her reflect -- repent, in an odd way. She cringed at the sight of truth and barked viciously at the right answer, like any sane person would. Life was full of these difficult decisions. They shaped people into who they were. Eve knew better than most the options laid out before them. How everything boiled down to something as simple as “yes” or “no”.

And so, she stood strong in the face of denial. She stared hard into Nanami, looking beyond the facade she so desperately clung to. Through the screaming and the crying, Eve stood as a foundation for Nanami to lean. Something impartial and neutral to her apparent long and trialing history. Eve was just a strange who had been wisened to the truth.

Slowly, carefully, she moved to her knees right in front of Nanami. If she wanted, she could reach out and touch the trembling woman, though that wouldn’t do any good right now. She was a cornered animal with fur bristled in fear. Eve’s presence alone defied everything that kept her happy little reality in place.

And so, Eve just listened. Understanding, yet serious eyes following each word and attentitively clinging to every detail the woman cared to share with her. The faked peace, the struggle, the unspoken war going on in her soul. The obvious question this woman had been hiding from for so long. As her sobs turned into longing pleas for the easy way out, and those longing pleas during to rampant shouting and flailing, Eve just sat there and nodded along.

“You can be something more, Nanami,” Eve spoke only when Nanami had faded into angry sobs, no words left to be said. “It’s a tough choice, but have you ever thought why you of all people were chosen to go through this? Not everyone has these trials, and yet here you are, suffering because you’re faced with an impossible question.”

Truly, Eve understood. She was down that path in her own sense. Her soul literally tearing apart because she couldn’t face reality. Had it not been for the guiding light of her inner spirit, she would have been completely destroyed. Her own soul would have collapsed in on itself. Nanami probably felt something similar.

“You were chosen because you are strong,” Eve finally answered, voice unwavering. “You’re the way you are because you’ve been given everything you need to ascend beyond this. You know the truth, the right answer, and as hard as it may be, you don’t even need me to answer everything for you. I bet you’re answering your own questions right now. I’m just here as support. To guide you down whichever road you may choose.”

Her voice never rose beyond that tender tone. It never strayed from the gentle touch of a mother wanting what’s best for her child. Nothing was forced, nothing was a lie. All of it straight from her heart.

“Look at yourself. Captain of the strongest Division,” Eve said with a smile. “A woman plagued by enough depression any sane man would have died years ago. And yet, here you are with such a young a beautiful face. Millenias old, and yet you could pass for a young adult. Do you realize how much that speaks for your strength and endurance?”

Eve couldn’t help but smile a bit more to the woman she had just met.

“You’ve already proven to everyone you’re strong enough to face this. You don’t need to act strong.” It was then that Eve’s hand came out once more, reaching towards Nanami’s chest, though stopping before she even neared the outstretched blade. “I can tell you’re ready to confront yourself and make that choice, whatever it may be. It’s terrifying, I understand, but it’s not something you can continue to run away from. You will fester and die in stagnation.”

Her fingers spread out a bit as her eyes began to shift colors. Right before her appeared the chains to Nanami’s soul. The very things that made her who she was right now. The ominous glow of power that fed from her current insecurities. All of it like a book for Eve to read.

“I can make it easier for you,” she repeated softly. “But I won’t do anything you don’t want me to do. I am here to help you, no matter what you think of me.”

[753]

It was all just words, words and words and more words. They hurt her, made her unsure, caused her to falter. Just like everyone else they had aligned against her to tell her that to be more was impossible, to put limits on her evolution and to know that she could only go so far. They wanted to force her to accept, but they didn't know what it meant, not like she did.

It was easier to see them as enemies, misguided obstacles to her right path. Nanami knew one thing, two thousand years had taught her that the thing she did best was fight. With the Zanpakuto in hand, spirit or no, those were the times that she was most certain. Eve wasn't only wrong about the nature of these inner hollows, she was dangerous. She turned others into monsters like her, gleefully all the while preaching how much better it was to make peace with your inner demons, to accept them. She was trying to turn Nanami into her own little pet monster too, manipulating her with false smiles and unkind words. Lies, upon lies.

Part of her knew better part of her could see the self-delusion but it was so hard to acknowledge the simple truth when it was so painful, and the lie so much easier.

The dark energy began to surge, darkening Nanami's spiritual presence with each passing second, it got easier, with eyes shut, to indulge in anger and fury and block it all away to shut away everyone's indignation, their arrogant condemnations, all the barbs they laid over her heart until it hurt so bad the only choice she had was to close it off so that she might feel nothing at all. Anger was her shield.

Eve believed she could make it easier for Nanami, that she could guide her along the path. Nanami was not ignorant, she knew what reconciliation meant, she saw it reflected in Nagisa as she abandoned Nanami for her own glorification, left the lost Shinigami alone when she needed her most. There was nothing honorable in her surrender, in her 'acceptance'.

All the praise, all the soft dulcet tones. "I don't..." Deceptions. Lies. Nobody helped her. Nobody believed. "...want..." She was alone. Not even her own Zanpakuto stood beside her now. "...YOUR HELP!"

Everything happened so fast, Nanami's blade cut the air with such force that it screamed as she tore through it. Her blade sang, severed through the space between them and sought to cleave Eve apart, but the woman was ready, they parted a great distance leaving Nanami with a white-knuckled grip on her Zanpakuto, taking deep furious breaths. Still, the words swirled in her mind.

“You never win. You are just allowed to keep fighting.”

“You know what you are, what you can do and want to do. That’s already a more fulfilling existence than most of our fellow Shinigami will ever reach."

“But you're afraid of that chance. You're so convinced you're going to lose that you refuse to try.”

"Of all the times we've shared together, of all the lessons I've tried to teach you. Please Nanami, remember me, and don't be afraid of who you are. At the end, no matter what direction you're going, it is your choices that will determine the path you take."

"You cannot know! You cannot know what I would be! You cannot know if this is right, you're lying! You're!" Her voice high strung carrying every inclination that Nanami was pushed to the very edge. The shrill of the Hollow cry had worked its way into her words.

"It’s terrifying, I understand, but it’s not something you can continue to run away from."

She stopped, her blade held straight towards Eve faltered for a moment and trembled. No, she had to fight! She had to keep fighting! She had to she had to she had to she had to. You have to fight!

The blade tumbled from her hands.

"Wrong," she whispered. "Wrong," she repeated quietly falling to her knees once again, starring at the fallen Zanpakuto in front of her. "I am terribly sorry for lashing out at you, Eve. You're right, I can't keep running and it's something I've known for a very long time. I've been running my whole life from this thing inside of me, and when I fought it, it felt so good just to feel in control of it but knowing what it meant to fight, knowing what it meant to run, neither of them felt right to me."

She met the woman's eyes. "Not to hide from the truth, not to try to make peace with the devil inside. I've been afraid to try because I knew that I wasn't strong enough, I believed it was impossible, or was afraid so much it may as well have been..."

"Because I was afraid, all those words, I thought people didn't believe either. So desperate to survive, to hold on to this little piece of something I'd finally carved for myself in two thousand years. It wouldn't matter if they didn't believe, if I can't. Every bit of doubt I used as an excuse to hide away from them, afraid of failing. I know now, there is another choice, I just needed to stop running so that I could see it."

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It was only because of her rainbow-colored eyes that she even humored the idea of not getting a rather nasty cut along her torso. Only because they let her read those dark tendrils gathering together to lash out in a single burst of emotion and hatred. But even at that, she watched as a few strands of her hair fell to the ground at Nanami’s feet. Just a slight trim off the edge of her fringe. Enough to prove just how much fighting the poor soul had endured.

How many times had she just cut through someone who said something she didn’t agree with? How many times was the answer to just bloody her sword and ignore the problem? Just how long had she been running with fear? Truly, honestly, Eve frowned with empathy as she looked onto the poor soul trembling before her. Pained and lashing out because that’s all it knew. What an awful way to live.

Nanami clamored towards Eve, threatening her with all the fury that had been building up for who knew how long. Her shouts, straining at her throat as tears broke the facade of true anger. The Vaizard, standing as casual as can be, could only look on with pained empathy as she searched Nanami’s hardened eyes for just a shrivel of hope. Something she could guide the woman towards to make everything alright.

Something to ease the pain that wrecked havoc through her soul.

And as anger died into half hearted pleas, Eve only looked down at Nanami with acceptance and encouragement. Nothing bitter was hidden behind her stare, no resentment for nearly losing her life. Just complete and utter acceptance of the old soul before her. Acceptance of her anger, sorrow, confusion, and even her own acceptance. All of it was welcomed by the pair of mystical eyes before her.

“Do you want to know why I’m a Shinigami, Nanami?” Eve began slowly, doing her best to take a bit of strain off the woman. “I did many horrible things as an Arrancar. I was blinded by just the Hollow within me and ruined countless lives. Only because a single man reached down and offered me help did I even survive. My very soul raged at me and threatened to destroy itself because of all the bad I did.”

Her hand came up to touch her chest, slowly clenching into a fist as her words grew sharp with disgust.

“I was, by every definition, the worst person to walk Earth,” she said without batting an eye. “But all it took was that one person to lift me up and give me this second chance for me to realize just how life works. Though his methods were… Questionable, I can’t deny that being who I am now has allowed me to see the world in a way I never thought possible.”

One hand came forward, fingers extended as if she was about to catch a ball. “One hand I can hear the voice of my spirit, guiding me towards the path of growth and change.”

Her other hand came out to mock the first. “On the other I can see the terrible habits manifested and reflect on my past. I can talk with those feelings and reason them out in ways I couldn’t before.”

Suddenly, her hands came together, fingers laced as she stared softly down at them. “Together, I have this full picture. The decision was. Impossible. I’d never force anyone to do what I did, but the reward is magnificent. To be able to so clearly see not only myself, but those around me. It’s something I wouldn’t trade for the world.”

Eve dropped her hands to her side, confident she had made her point. And with that, she closed the distance between them yet again. She took a knee and held Nanami’s beaten stare. Eve would not back down just because of a little scream and flail. Even to a stranger, she refused to stand by and watch someone purposely destroy themselves without at least trying to help.

“No matter what you choose, remember that it was your choice,” Eve concluded with a smile. “Become a Vaizard, stay a Shinigami. Work with your soul, rage against the dying light. This is your story to tell and don’t let anyone, not even myself, get in the way of you writing the pages.” Her smile blossomed all the more. “I’ve made my stance clear, but I’m just here to help. Provide insight you didn’t have. Use me as you will.”

[759]

"I think I'd have had you beat," she argued, for title of worst person. The things she'd done, the people who suffered at her hand were immeasurable. The name Nanami Hideaki was drenched with blood. But she smiled, peaceful at an attempt at some kind of joke, feeling the sense of relief that Eve now offered her. She listened intently, her little habit aside and closed her eyes. She made a strong case, she could see the appeal, to make peace, to understand herself a little better, to find a way to reconcile two different twisting natures. She really did, and perhaps for once she could understand why someone would pursue such a path.

Nanami might have understood, but she didn't share the same. She was tired. She'd lived too many lifetimes with such a thing, this was past reconciliation, this was past the ability for her to understand. There came a time when enough was enough, when she had truly learned and grown as far as she could as such a being. She needed to evolve, she needed to grow, not in power but as a person. That was never more true than it was now.

"It's funny, to realize now what's been right there, the painfully obvious truth of it all." She smiled as Eve moved close. This was her choice, her decision to make, her path to walk, even if none had walked it before then she would forge it. And she wasn't alone, never was, even if she didn't know it, there was always someone at her side, someone guiding her, helping her see what needed to be done. "Thank you, and, if it means anything I understand and respect where you've come from, even if I don't necessarily agree. There's...one thing I want to ask of you, something I have no right to ask but something that I will ask just the same."

"I'd like you to...if you have time, watch over me, just for a little while. There's someone I've needed to speak with for some time now, and something I've needed to take care of. If it turns, as it could...would you see to it nobody is harmed?" The implication hung in the air, she chose her words carefully. The truth was she wanted to know that if the worst came to pass and what she sought was truly and utterly impossible that her failure would not cost the lives of others. Eve was strong, she knew she'd be able to handle things if she got out of hand.

She looked at the discarded Zanpakuto and picked it up carefully, brushing it off from the dirt where it landed, set it's gleaming edge across her lap.

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Gently, her smile faded into something more serious and suited for the situation at hand. Eve settled onto her knees, drawing her sword if only to have better access to it, and then gave a stern nod to her new friend. Her eyes burned with sincerity as her hands tightened around the hilt of her unfamiliar weapon.

“You can count on me,” she said as Nanami placed her blade across her lap and began meditating. “Give ‘em hell, girl.” The final encouragement came with an arrogant smile and nod.

And with that, the ageless woman fell into her deep trance.

No longer afraid of causing a panic in the Captain, Eve let her Reiatsu trickled out around them, subtly pushing away the nearby citizens and creating a sort of “safe zone” around her and the soon-to-be violent Nanami. Things would get very bad, very quick, but that was the last thing Eve wanted to admit to someone going through something so horrifying. The Vaizard had seen this happen to countless poor souls, how they screamed in agony and fought helplessly as their soul tried to consume them from the inside out.

As if on que, Nanami’s body tensed, body shaking for a moment before a sudden, sharp yelp escaped the woman. Her head whipped backwards as if she had been punched and she let out a pained scream. A scream of someone whose soul had begun to literally erode from within. It was unlike most anyone would have ever heard, though to Eve, it was hardly worth raising an eyebrow.

Instead, she rose to her feet, taking the brief moment of control Nanami had to position herself a few meters away from the body soon to turn Hollow. Sword at the ready, though she doubted it would do much good, Eve watched with rainbow colored eyes as a white, bubbling liquid began to spill from Nanami’s lips.

[317]

Nanami fixed Eve with one final look, a genuine if faint smile. They'd just met, but there was something honest in Eve, pure, that radiated so clearly. She'd trust her, who else could she trust with this now? There was no putting it off now. Nanami gazed into the gleaming edge and focused on her own heartbeat, let its steady even rhythm fill her until all sound died away, until the world began to fade into blackness. She felt the tug, gentle at first but quickly growing urgent. She surrendered herself to the pull knowing that she may never surface again.

As Nanami's consciousness faded a scream ripped through the air as the unmistakable white essence of a Hollow mask began to form. Smooth and form fitting, it followed the natural shape of Nanami's face, a short divet for her nose, rounded cheeks, until he began to form the mouth and chin where rows of countless jagged wicked teeth formed a terrible wide hungry expression. Ornate black markings covered the left half, while splotches of blood formed the other.

The terrible shriek melted away into the unmistakable laughter of amusement. When it died down a foreboding energy begin to pour forth from Nanami's body, unmistakably dark and Hollow. It conveyed a range of feelings, utter amusement rose above the rest, but underlying was a terrible hunger, a killing intent. "You know," the voice was unmistakably familiar behind the mask, but held a shrill distorted quality to it. "Of all the people I've ever met, Evelynn, I can't decide if you're the most stupid or not."

Cackling laughter broke out again, and then without a single sign of lead in the blade was in the creature's hands, swirling out with reckless wild abandon. It stole a single shallow sharp cut from the Vaizard across and they were both on their feet. Another laugh and Nanami’s body straightened up, she gave a coy smile towards Eve as the mask continued to settle into place. “I’m curious, did you intend to set me free? Or did you really believe you were helping the girl?” She stalked forwards slowly, raising her blade up to study the thin line of blood, she shuddered, content and lowered it. “I suppose it doesn’t matter what you intended now, come on, show me your darkness, Evelynn. I’ve admired it for a long time.”

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Her top, now more of a tank top than anything, gently brushed against her bleeding stomach maybe twice before the entire wound was no long visible. The flesh had patched itself together without so much of a thought from Eve outside of a momentary “that bitch” which crossed her mind. Knee jerk reaction, but she wouldn’t deny it.

“I intended to talk to you,” she answered honestly, still standing there as if the hollowifying Shinigami was no more threatening than a small child. “I’m quite fond of the idea of Nanami using you to complete her soul, but that’s not really my battle to have.”

Her weight shifted just slightly, knuckles tensing around her Zanpakutou just enough ti signal a well trained fighter that she was ready for anything. It amounted to more than a silent “come at me, bro” but coupled with the pitiful look she gave the creature before her, it couldn’t be seen as anything but condescending.

“So, I was hoping you could humor me with a bit of insight as to who I’m talking to,” she continued, buying time for Nanami’s inner battle to hit full swing. “The most I got out of Nanami was ‘that monster’ which is a bit too generic for my tastes. What defines you, Hollow? Tell me what your madness is.”

And that’s when she moved, though it wasn’t her sword. Her free hand snapped up, blue flames burning to life as a simple phrase fell from her lips: “Number 54.” And with that, the flames engulfed her entire forearm, blue fading into white at the tips as the barely controlled energy pulsated from her flesh and threatened to tear even her apart. “Haien.”

They said practice made perfect. To Eve, it was more like creativity than practice. Hadou was a specific art. You do this, say that, and then something happens. There’s very little wiggle room for those who wanted to test the bounds. But she had a card no other Shingiami held before her: the knowledge of her previous skills with Cero. It was all different, sure, and she had been on the burt end of many explosions when testing it out, but… Well… No time like the present.

Her foot shifted just a bit before she lunged forward with every attempt to grab the Hollow by the face and unleash every bit of trapped energy at point blanket. If that didn’t put it down for a while, nothing humane would.

[412]

"Oh! To -talk-, talk talk talk, with our words? With our -mouths-! What a waste, when we could be doing so many more -pleasant- things with them." She stopped advancing, staying just outside of the Maai of her opponent. All the talent and skill that Nanami had cultivated and she had to say that she was impressed! She was given a body finally worthy of all her effort and time that she had spent grooming her for this moment. Nothing could stop her now, nothing would. This was everything she had ever wanted.

She owed it all to Evelynn. Nanami had become so scared, so paranoid that control was all but assured to be hers, but the woman was too careful, closed herself off from her power, fought alone, such that she was getting worried that she might herself discovered, killed or locked away long before this came to fruition, but thanks to Eve now it was a settled matter. She would reward Eve for her service with the greatest gifts she could lavish. Suffering, pain, misery. It'd been a long time since she flayed a person, and as a Vaizard she was almost certain that she could survive so much.

She was so grateful, in fact, that she'd probably even let her live when she was done.

"Name?" The creature seemed genuinely confused, drawn out of its fantasies it seemed even a little bit annoyed. "Why, does yours have a name? I bet it's dark and mysterious, a little romantic ooh~ What a terrifying monster I have inside-"

Eve launched, and perhaps to her advantage and the creatures own delight the monster didn't move from the spot let her approach, spell brimming with a terrible promise of destruction and pain.

As she neared, the monster reached and seized the wrist of the hand that lunged for her own face. It would do nothing to stop the attack, but held it fast once it delivered the spell. As the flames enveloped her, scorch and tore at her flesh she let out an ear-piercing scream that while filled with agony held a hint of ecstasy too. The hand never lost it's grip, holding tight around Eve's wrist as the flames began to die down and the woman sagged, nearly falling to a knee. The sickly sweet scent of burnt flesh permeated through the air, she sucked in dry rasping breaths shuddering in delight.

"Wonderful," she wheezed. Power began to ooze from her, as if the pain and suffering seemed to be fuel for her to burn up into her reiatsu. "I want to show you something," she whispered. She released Eve's wrist as her blade slammed forward through the short space between, a desperate malicious revenge driven cut with all the fury and force a twisted Hollow soul could muster and attempted to bury it in the woman's gut, success or not it heralded something else.

Bankai, not so much uttered as felt, a terrible foreboding sense began to fill the air, a deep rolling fog began to fill the air, the ground below their feet began to bubble as blood rose from it, making the ground slick. A faint cacophonous roar began to grow in the distant, the sound of war, conflict, misery and death. Her blade dissolved into the very air, fueling the transformation itself. Dozens of abandoned blades were visible like a set of disorganized grave markers, hundred more existed in the fog.

Nanami's body vanished into the deep fog with a single great step, all but invisible, but her voice was audible though neither here nor there it seemed to echo all around taunting efforts to trace.

"Satsugai-ba, the killing field, -MY- killing field! The stupid girl thought that she could harness this power, I think she realized the truth of it, it's why she never used it. Such a waste, everything about her was a -WASTE!-" She darted carefully around area of death, her home, never lingering long. Stalling, perhaps, but rapidly her wounds closed and flesh knit back together, all so that she might endure suffering again.

"You want a name!? This is my name! Eve! This is what you have welcomed into the world! I am death! I am suffering and misery! I can't wait to introduce you! She will never accept me, for I have already consumed her!" She sprang from up high, a jagged blade whose name was long forgotten was swung around in a wide arc in an effort to cleave Eve in half from shoulder to hip. "AREN'T YOU HAPPY!?"

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The mask charred and melted under her grip, temporarily distorting the otherwise pristine material into something more horrific. As the last of the blue flames licked at Nanami’s shoulders and face, the creature gurgled out a chuckle and slumped downward. Though giggling, the body caved under such tremendous force, demanding a brief pause even if the creature wanted otherwise. As the mask filled back in its shape, the Hollow breathed out a response.

Arrogance, Eve mused as she looked down at the monster. Sadism? Malice? Emptiness? Savagery? Yeah, that one seemed to fit. The word hung with appropriate desire for battle and bloodshed, it hinted at the not so subtle lust for death and mutilation. That was the word.

Savagery.

The blade sliced cleanly through Eve’s gut, met with a sharp wince and her hands instantly flying to the hilt of it. By the time the Savage had backed off, she pulled the blade free and spilled forth a puddle of blood that was quickly consumed by the macabre surroundings. The Savage didn’t even have time to mock her before the wound was healed, though the pain burned under her flesh for a few moments longer.

“How does it feel to be manhandled by the very thing you idolize?” Wishes’ voice purred in the back of her mind, happy to seize this moment of mental insecurity. “A cruel twist of fate, I’d say. You probably shouldn’t have talked that poor sap into doing this.”

Eve’s face hardened, eyes flicking through the clouds as she followed the Savage’s voice.

“Oh!” He began to chuckle. “Ignoring me now, eh? Might not be a very good call if this fight keeps going as it is.”

Ignoring probably wasn’t the best of terms to use, but he was more than good at getting under her skin. Even if they had a sort of truce between them, that struggle for dominance never faded. The pull he had on her soul out weighed logic in many cases, though thankfully she was more focused on the fight at hand and could just not give him the thoughts he needed to latch onto.

But it certainly would be much easier to just run away from all of this. Why did she even care in the first place? Was this her attempt at appeasing the real Wishes’ promise? By helping Nanami make this decision and overcome her Inner Hollow did she think that it would give her Samyaza back?

“Do you think it’ll make up for everything you’ve done, Evelynn.”

“Hōrin!” The name fell easily out of her lips as she extended her hand for the Savage, as if it point into her soul. From her finger exploded orange and white bindings that sought to grab the nameless sword and pull it to the side. At best, the Savage would fall to the ground. At worse, she’d just continue the momentum and punch Eve right in the face.

Regardless, the few precious seconds it bought her were put to good use. No time to think. Just act. Ignore him.

“Sajō Sabaku,” she called through grit teeth.

The golden lasso of sorts instantly shuddered and released the empty sword only to reach out with glowing hands towards the Savage. They clawed for her torso, demanding to wrap around her and bind her with near impossible strength.

“When did you learn that little trick?” Wishes said in a condescending tone. “You think you’re flashy because you can chain Kido together like that? You’re wasting your breath. Just Garganta away from here and let the Hollow have its fun with the souls here. The Seireitei will clean up this mess.”

[609]

The scent of blood was in the air, Eve's. It was a rich aroma, sweet, flowery almost, a delightful addition to her Bankai that she would forever recall, with each use new victims would be able to enjoy Eve's blood, her Zanpakuto especially would be delightful to wield. Such wild and random thoughts did nothing to slow her down, she was practically in another place altogether when she fought, drifting between instinctual whimsy. It was unfocused and lackadaisical until there was a decision to act and the monster's commitment was absolute.

Eve, on the other hand, well, the spreading red along her robes was a fitting indication. She descended hard, blade poised to cut Eve in twain, but the little hollow in training was quick, delightfully so. Binding arts, the craft of the pacifist, the kind that feared to bloodlet, to really cut loose and show the world what they had to offer. "BORING!" she screamed, twisting in her descent as she slammed the blade into the spellwork. It was pulled from her grasp willing and as she touched ground she twisted her momentum into a pivot and swung her hand in a vicious arc. Extended nails raked at Eve's face, doing their best at actually trying to tear it off.

The lasso closed tight, yanked her back at a distance and she let out a terrible laugh as she began to struggle wildly against the binds. In the distant reaches, obscured by the fog, an abandoned Zanpakuto began to dissolve.

"Oh, this is -CUTE-! You like chains? I do too," she cackled. "You're stalling me, aren't you? Oh, heavens trying to give whats her name time? She's gone, my little Hollow soul. You got eyes, don't you? You can feel it can't you? More Hollow energy every passing second. She isn't fighting the good fight, I'm just savoring the meal," she let a truly girlish giggle in her own twisted sounding voice. As ferociously as she struggled she looked the very picture of joy and calm.

"Let me ask you, Eve, I know they're talking to you, so why don't you let them out and say hi? It'd be fun, you might actually start winning for a change," she grinned wide in sudden realization. "Oh, could it be? Miss Full Heart herself? Afraid of the monster inside? Tut tut tut. What would your adoring rubes think!?"

"I wonder, how many times I'm going to cut you before you lose control? A dozen? A hundred? Ahaha, I'm so terribly excited to find out! I only wished you had half the conviction you pretend you have!" Her laughter began anew, echoing out into the distance.

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"What's the plan now, girlie?" Wishes spoke nonchalantly, as if only slightly interested in the fight before them. After all, unlike the inner hollow before them, he was relaxed and more than happy to take the back seat. His purpose was higher than just killing things.

"Distraction", was the only response she gave him, though the mere fact that she spoke back was enough to earn a smile from his wicked face.

Her left eye squinted as blood poured into it, that half of her face momentarily blind until her Regeneration patched together the skin. It only took a small, dismissive rub from her wrist to clean her vision and to smear the hardening gore over her cheek. Something about the sight seemed to set off the Hollow into a giggling fit, words spewing out as if it knew everything about her and beyond.

"Do you know how many Hollows I've created?" She asked as her fingers worked to tie her split robe back together loosely. "Dozens. Maybe even hundreds. All from Shinigami like Nanami." Her eyes lifted to watch the creature struggle. "You're not the first one to say something like that to me, and I doubt you'll be the last if I continue on this path."

She took only a few steps forward before uttering a soft command that was quickly eaten by the winds: "Tozanshō." From high above Eve's head a blue flare signaled the acknowledgement of her will. It twisted in the sky for only a second or two before splitting off into three tails that slammed into the ground around the Savage and her target. The lines tightened and, without so much of a movement from the conjurer, walls of turquoise erected around them and sealed off the world. Parts of nearby buildings were spliced perfectly between the spiritual walls, giving the illusion that she had literally ripped the surrounding area out of this reality and pulled it to the next.

Darkness lingered in the already hellish domain of blood and swords. Lit only by the faint, eerie glow of the barrier edges and the golden gleam of the binds around the Savage, the shadows consumed the edges of their visions and pretended to extend the size of the somewhat cramped space. Though, maybe to some the black ooze would be condemning and suffocating. As if it promised to drain the life from everyone within.

No longer worried about the surrounding people and their abodes, Eve's face hardened.

"So you can whine and gripe about Nanami losing this fight until you're blue in the face, but I know the tricks." Her words were as strong as the barrier that trapped them. "It certainly doesn't help that I really don't care who wins your little fight. I'm just here to control damage. So, please, continue to waste your breath talking about just how awesome you are. I'd love it."

"Are you taking notes from my diary?" Wishes laughed. "You're starting to sound like me!"

Even Eve couldn't help but smile a little.

"Number 78," she called out, voice booming against the walls as she focused her energy on the binds around the Savage. "Zangerin!"

With just those few words, the golden binds blossomed into a flower of white energy. Like a bomb, they exploded around the Savage's arms and waist, threatening to rip off her flesh and leave her immobile for God knows how long. The technique, while usually focused from the sword, could really come from anything "attached" to the caster. Many Hadou were similar in that regard, Eve noticed. Why no good spirited Shinigami took advantage of it was beyond her.

The explosion left an insistent ringing in Eve's ears for just a mere moment, no longer than the glow had left her vision temporarily white washed. Even from this distance she felt the after effects of the vicious attack, though it was her own fault for not making a bubble around herself or something. She could only imagine the state the Savage was in.

[ 671 ]